things you can/can't do in your own garden - a list

[GretchenWiener]

right
So according to many recent threads ( YES IT IS A THREAD ABOUT A FRICKEN THREAD)

you may

1. let your child scream

you may not

1. bbq

PLease add so i know

I've got a couple based on previous threads...
You must never DARE to have an opinion on the colour of any fencing in your own garden, even if the nutty neighbours who installed it can only see it once a month on a Wednesday when they're driving down the road at 4pm and it's raining! It MUST be the colour they want. WHATEVER!
And...you must never stand under your tree staring at the neighbours using their shower whilst you have a good wank! you WILL get arrested!

TSSDNCOP are you my neighbour?

SaggyAndLucy Are you MY neighbour??

my neighbour has a stupid bloody light thats so bright u could probably see it from space and has a more of a shitty cow muck coloured green fence

well, yes, erm, you see, they were only €2 and they look like little red cars.......She's very attached to them but the neighbors could see and be traumatised I suppose.

loop I like the fence but don't like the sodding light. Am concerned though dyou wear leather trousers on your Harley?

You must get the rage if your neighbour paints the other side of your fence even though you can't see it.

No wind chimes allowed!

Is AstroTurf allowed? We did the back garden with it-no more lawn mower

Astroturf? Only if it doesn't cause flooding for your neighbours.

Bonking on the trampoline

That should be NO bonking on the trampoline

i am banning the tom cat one

I know someone has already mentioned it, but can we examine boundary trees in more detail? They are acceptable if a) You own them b) They are not Lleylandii C) They are a haven for wildlife . They are NOT acceptable if a) You don't own them b) They are Lleylandii & C) They drop leaves/block light/ ruin your soil so you can't grow your own vegetables.

I remember a thread about someone not liking horse pooh on the road outside her house once. Could we shoehorn horses into the list of animals that are not allowed in gardens or areas surrounding gardens

1. bbq

2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see

1. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
2. smoke ( unclear)
3. Perform sexual services
4. iron in your cruds
5. play music louder than a whisper
6. mow your lawn

9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all) 10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune) 11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself 12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks 13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa 14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time 15 own pointless windchimes 16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart 17. let the neighbourhood down by leaving washing out overnight 18. sneak into anyones pool when they are away 19. You must never object to a bbq during a nice sunny day 20. You must never FLAUNT your underwear on a washing line as it makes men rapists. 21. You must never mind if half a tree from a neighbour comes into your garden particularly if it is fruit bearing.

and at mass coordinated lawn mowing.

I am sure the Swiss actually DO this

Chickens are mandatory but any cockerel is banned, under pain of (its' owners) death.

And no trampoline covers that may be stolen or be the cause of someone innocent, being falsely accused of theft.

hey! Why are you banning the tom cat one? And where's my bonfire one? Look, I'm going to start taking this all very personally soon.

I like 'pointless' windchimes - what's the difference ?

Ahem. Caravans on the drive?

i ADORE CATS

i am sure i put the bonfire one in

checks database

Ah yes sorry - i put bbq for bonfire in no 19

now edited

1. bbq

2 Build a climbing frame that your neighbours will be able to see

1. Let your dc swing/bounce higher than the fence/hedge
2. smoke ( unclear)
3. Perform sexual services
4. iron in your cruds
5. play music louder than a whisper
6. mow your lawn

9 Let your kids out before 9 am on a weekend or 8 on a weekday (if you really have to let them out at all) 10 let teenagers do any kind of noise ( this does not count for toddlers who are cute and thereby immune) 11. let your cat leave the garden without frisking him for filled nappy sacks of his own poo which he needs to bin himself 12. mow your lawn in teeny tiny white trunks 13. Rev any wheeled vehicle for 15 minutes in the drive whilst looking like a DFS leather sofa 14. have a growling dog that you allow to jump at the fence between the houses scaring my kids shitless every time 15 own pointless windchimes 16. have a security light rendering the whole area like a Supermax penitentiary, particularly if set off by a cat's fart 17. let the neighbourhood down by leaving washing out overnight 18. sneak into anyones pool when they are away 19. You must never object to a bonfire during a nice sunny day 20. You must never FLAUNT your underwear on a washing line as it makes men rapists. 21. You must never mind if half a tree from a neighbour comes into your garden particularly if it is fruit bearing.

Grow petunias or gladioli.

You can enjoy said plants in a council maintained park.

ooh very good

My some people have a lot of time on their hands. No wonder they are such antisocial neighbours.... ;)