about how much my daughter eats?

[MommyBird]

I'm a little bit upset and want to know if i'm in the wrong or im doing an ok job.

My daughter is 4.
She is happy and just a normal little girl. She has cereal for breakfast and maybe some fruit.
Lunch a sandwitch or pasta and cucumber, she'll have her dinner which is usually meat, veg and tatties or pasta or something along those lines.
She eats ALOT of fruit. She has 'occasional' treats like chocolate dips, sweets and crisps. She would rather have water but loves Vimto!
She has never had a McDonalds because she has never wanted one but likes Subway and chips.
She likes cake and ice cream Who doesn't?!
She would live off Cucumber if i let her.
If you're still reading then Thank you :)

She is thin and tall. Just like me and her dad.

This is the problem. My nan thinks she is beig deprived of sugar and nice food which i think means junk food?
She has told me she is too thin and is worried she will have an eating disorder :(
Im abit taken aback as I think she eats fine. Does the above sound ok?
When she saw my nan, which is almost everyday she would give her Haribo, Jaffa cakes, Mini rolls and ice lollies. This is everyday.
I put a stop to it as I think thats too much? Its not her that will end up at the dentist with my DD when she needs a tooth out. No, it'll me and my DH!

My nan is 80ish. She is over weight, has trouble walking and standing and eats a whole family sized Apple Pie for dinner. The doctor has told her to loose weight and she hasn't took any notice.

I have no idea how to handle this. I don't know if i should 'relax'abit or am i doing the right thing? Help!

You are right

I would be avoiding taking her round to her Nan's but I'm guessing she's housebound?

Your DD sounds fine to me, have Dr or HV raised any concerns about her size to you?

My first reaction is that your nan is from a generation where littlies were seen as healthy if they were on the chunky side.

I say as long as no medical practitioners have concerns then keep doing what you're doing, and maybe steer your nan towards different treats for your DD. My nan used to buy expensive out of season fruit as treats

If I didn't know better, I'd think we must be related! My family are also on a mission to stuff my kids with crap. It's what they always eat and, although they don't tend to criticise me to my face, I think they do consider my kids to be deprived. The fact that my Nan and my Mum are both hugely overweight and have Type 2 diabetes is just coincidence and genetics...

Sounds like you are doing fine so carry on. The occasional treat from her Nan won't hurt her and don't engage with any debate about it. You are the parent - end of. If she's irritating you then just restrict your visits. You don't have to put up with it.

Of course you're doing the right thing. She's a grandparent. Let her give her some sugary treats. Maybe not quite so much. As thats one of the perks of being a grandparent I think. As long as its not too often.

My little boy eats loads, and I mean loads. Healthy stuff but he does have smacks as well, he's obsessed with crisps (ASC) he eats way more than I do, but he is ALWAYS on the go. No DVD days for us because he needs to be doing something all the time.

He is really skinny, like super skinny, you can see his ribs but he eats like a fully grown man. He clearly needs to and the paediatrician told me to just let him eat as much as he needs to because he's burning so many calories it's just what he needs.

As long as she's eating until she's full and has plenty of energy she is fine

Nope, no medical problems.
She is just like me when i was a child. Thin and tall. Still am tbh!

I had to have teeth out as child as I was given WAY too many sweets by her and so did my dad when he was a child.

Im not anti cake. I love cake, chocolate and sweets in moderation. But its everyday. Every single day. Not once a week or every other day. She just says 'it'll do her no harm' which isn't the case.

My nan goes out out alot, but cant do much so it'll be for about an hour or so a day. I know its a generation thing, its normal when she was a child. She see's other children who eat whole cream cakes and whatever and thinks my DD should be doing it too. She doesn't eat loads so there is no way she would even eat that.

Ive told her if she wants to treat her buy her Strawberries, she would eat the lot, but its fallen on deaf ears.

No, you're in the right, and I say that as someone who was hospitalised for an Eating Disorder and later worked in mental health before having children.

You're encouraging a healthy attitude to food by making generally healthy choices but not demonising treats.

My own ED followed a hsitory of being overfed by my Grandmother and fed an appalling diet by my parents, leading to chubbiness and bullying, triggering issues with food that persisted for 15-20 years. There will be many different backgrounds for people with Eating Disorders but imo, your Grandmother's attitude is misguided.

You're definitely right to give your child a healthy diet with just a few treats - that will lead to a good attitude to food in later life.

Your nan sounds like she has a very sweet tooth but she shouldn't be encouraging your daughter to be the same - you did the right thing to tell her not to give your daughter sugary snacks all the time.

If your daughter is happy and slim and healthy as she is then that's a good thing.

My dd2 eats all day ( constantly snacking ), she eats fruit, veg, meat but also loves a bit of junk, I wish I could eat what she does and be so slim and tall, dd2 is 8 and wearing age 10 clothes because she's so tall be we struggle as the clothes are too big around her skinny waist so she often has to wear dresses.

You are 100% in the right, your nan is 100% in the wrong.

Your dd's diet is not at all restricted, you have the right attitude to treats and sweets. Put your foot down with your nan, a small packet of sweets, or cake, etc., once a week from her is fine, or even better fruit as you have already suggested, the fruit this time of year strawberries, raspberries, cherries, peaches, etc., are fantastic.

I'm not sure if it is a generational thing when I was young we had sweets/chocolate occasionally and in small quantities from parents and grandparents alike, if we were taken out for the day by grandparents we would have an ice cream as a treat, never would we be given the quantity of sweet stuff your nan is thrusting on your dd. More often than not we would be given a piece of fruit, (rhubarb from the garden to be eaten raw(!) and we loved it).

My own dcs had sweets/treats occasionally and they are the same with their dcs and I don't pile sweets and crap onto/into my dgcs, I take my lead from their parents.

When I said "I take my lead from their parents", I didn't mean to imply I would give them sweets and crap , at the moment I am buying cherries by the bucketload as that is the treat of choice!

Her diet sound varied and healthy. I know a number of children her age who don't eat as well as her.
My sister was tall and very slim and didn't fill out until she was 16 or so.

I think it is important for both your daughter and your nan to have a relationship, it is enriching for both their lives.

I would perhaps send her with a packed lunch and snacks and explain that she is on a specific diet and the HV has said she should stick to this an not have extras with the exception of perhaps 1 or 2 Jaffa cakes (low fat) if she (nan) wants to give her a little treat. It is a little white lie but might make your life easier and not upset your nan.

Good luck

Any child who is thin not fat these days gets labelled as someone who is going to have an eating disorder! My DD is 12, not particularly excited by food and fussy but eats plenty if what she likes (including salads, certain fruits, pizza, crackers, shepherd's pie etc -a real odd mix!) She is petite and slim-exactly like I was at her age. Your daughter's diet seems fine, she doesn't need junk food. Ignore your nan-it's an old person's prerogative to have odd ideas about things!

You are totally doing the right thing.

The only question is how best to get your Nan to back off. If you see her every day then I think you just have to put your foot down and tell her what you think is a suitable limit. Maybe one miniroll, or one jaffa cake, or one tiny pack of sweets. Maybe even not having sweet stuff every visit.

I expect you don't want to get into an argument with her, but you might need to be quite determined and don't be afraid to point out that she has health problems related to her weight, but that you don't (I'm assuming your weight is fine and no connected health issues) so you get to be the one making these decisions.

You are absolutely in the right. What you feed her sounds good.
The thinking that sugar is harmless is outdated. The full impact of over indulgence in sugar, in part due to the 'low fat' diet craze, is being seen now with the increase in obesity and type 2 diabetes.
My father is type 2 and I've been reading about it as I want to avoid it. When sugar is consumed the body releases insulin to regulate blood sugar, but if this is happening over and over again from eating too much sugar this is where the insulin resistance associated with type 2 comes in. (I'm not a HCP but this information is easily accessed)
Sugar is also addictive and I have experienced this myself.
I think like you, a bit of cake or treat now and again is fine, but every day absolutely no way and I were in your situation I would really put my foot down. Difficult I know, when they take no notice and think you are overreacting. What exactly do they think she is being 'deprived of' ? A fleeting taste of sweetness in the mouth? I hope you can get the message through OP.

My DH is allergic to a lot of additives in processed food.

You could simply say that she gets a horrible rash/diarrhoea from X, Y & Z. Weirdly Jaffa cakes and organic gingerbread men are fine

Ultimately - she's 80 ish. How much rubbish and how frequently can she give this stuff to your DD. Better that DD has a memory of her than you avoid visiting her Great (?) Gran because she has a bad habit of stocking up on cream cakes before you visit.

Your dds diet sound fine. Extra calories if needed could come from nut butters, yoghurts, cheese, hummus that kind of thing. Kids don't need added sugar, stick with your gut feeling :)

My FIL thought both my boys were really skinny, when in fact they were a perfectly good size and take after my side of the family, whereas his family are all larger. He just wasn't used to seeing lean children.

I didn't expect this many replies!
Thank you all so much :)

I've spoke to my dad (his moms, my nan) about it and he backs me 100%

I'm not really sure how you can deprive a child of crappy food?
Apparently she needs a certain amount of sugar, which is true, but she thinks the sugars in sweets is the same that's in fruit.

Is your dad going to help you get the message across to her?

I did laugh at the sugar in sweets is the same as in fruit, Haribo will be delighted with that news!!

I fail to understand the logic of depriving a child of crappy food, and you are not depriving your child of occasional sweets and cakes, you are setting a very good example, stick to it and insist your nan does too.

The thing that has upset me more than anything is i did put my foot down on Sunday and she just ignored me. So i repated myself again and louder. She looked abit shocked and shup up.
Then went on about how deprived she is and im making her have an eating disorder.

I was bullied as a child because of how thin I was. I ate loads just didn't put weight on. My DDs the same and it just struck a nerve that already at 4 her weight is something being mentioned.

Im just worried next time anything is mentioned i'm honestly going to blow up.
She cannot possibley comment on anyones weight as she is so unhealthy and overweight.

I dont know how to handle it.

Yes he is :)

She tried to give her a packet. Not one. A packet. Of those Jelly sweets covered in sugar.
My dad told her she isn't allowed them and she said 'it didn't d you any harm'
He had to go into hospital as a child to have teeth out as they was rotten.
She doesn't remember this

She is not a horrible person i promise you.
Im not really painting her in a good light!
I think she's just old and doesn't understand all of the new research.

Oh dear, that sounds difficult. Perhaps you can word it in such a way that if she keeps on and on about it that is a sure fire way of giving your daughter an eating disorder, and then maybe switch it from eating issues to dental hygiene issues - "the dentist has recommended that sweet, sugary foods are limited because of teeth damage, and you wouldn't want dd to have fillings or teeth out, would you nan, imagine how upset dd would be...."

Could you also ask your dad to reiterate this at every opportunity without dd being present so she doesn't overhear?

Finally, could you 'close' the conversation with your nan by saying you don't want to hear any further mention about your dd's weight and what she is eating, the topic is closed, this is what is happening and there will be no further discussion.?

Yes, I am sure her age has something to do with it, people are set in their ways and have selective memory the older they get.

I think you just need to put your foot down and then say that's it nan, no more discussion, this is how it will be, and then talk about something else. Maybe you could try a bit of 'nan, you wouldn't have been happy if your mum or gran had interfered with your parenting would you?'

Thing is that "it never did you any harm" is such an annoying thing to hear, if we used that as a guide imagine the sort of food we'd still be eating, and the working and living conditions we'd still be subject to. Especially as it clearly did harm your dad.

Thats very helpful, thank you :)

I have tried the dental approach but she just says 'well i've still got all my teeth and i eat alot of sweets' And its like, thats proof that sweets arn't that bad.

I might take her to the dentist this week just for a check up and ask for abit of advice off her. She has got to of delt with overy sugary grandparents!