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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to BBQ in my own garden?

327 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 08:16

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 21/07/2014 11:31

Yanbu.

Our neighbours have a gas one, they can't clean the grill inbetween uses because when they light it you get a stench of stale grease come over & I have close all my windows.

It is truly vomit inducing.

Usually BBQ smoke smells lovely Sad

NigellasGuest · 21/07/2014 11:31

i have never understood the point of barbeques,why can't you cook it indoors and just eat outside? is smoke and charcoal really that flavorsome??
Actually I don't like eating outside full stop. To much sunshine makes you squint and sneeze and there are all those wasps etc.

LadySybilLikesCake · 21/07/2014 11:32

My neighbours have yet to learn about moderation of music, HayDay. It's groundhog day and your spirits plummet as soon as they start. I totally get the OP's neighbours. A bit of consideration costs nothing. Give them a break, they will appreciate it.

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 11:34

it is SO MUCH TASTIER

StanleyLambchop · 21/07/2014 11:37

Flying- the OP has already declared herself to be a charcoal purist!

GoringBit · 21/07/2014 11:37

Queen, why not invite them over for a barbecue lunch at the weekend? It's neighbourly, and you can then open up the barbecue conversation in a relaxed way.

BeCool · 21/07/2014 11:37

It's also about moderation.

I would say this is TOTALLY about moderation.

No one can really complain about a wood/charcoal BBQ being lit once or twice a week. Dealing with the smoke & smell every fucking day would be depressing and start to wear really thin PDQ.

smallblackcat · 21/07/2014 11:39

You are being inconsiderate at best. You like to enjoy your garden, so do your neighbours. When do they get to enjoy it without smelling your cooking at the weekend? Never, it seems. It's anti social and thoughtless. Have some consideration for your neighbours.

SirRaymondClench · 21/07/2014 11:43

I would hate to live next door to you OP.

All of the posters saying YANBU and "you can do what you like in your own garden" that's why society is fast going down the pan. People have zero consideration for anyone else and it's all 'me, me, me'. Everyone is of the mentality that as long as they are ok and doing what they like, well fuck everyone else! So fucking selfish!
Has it occurred you OP that maybe your neighbours would like to sit outside in their garden on a sunny day without breathing in the fumes from your BBQ? Or hang their washing out? Or just open their windows?Every fucking weekend and through the week? Really?! Hmm

Aren't there health implications for BBQed meat anyway?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 21/07/2014 11:45

BBQ smoke blows a long way, we live in terraced houses with gardens about 20ft wide and when the house 3 doors away has a BBQ we can certainly smell it, but it's not enough to smoke out our washing, also they only do it once a week max. Next door do one occasionally (about 20 feet away with a 6 foot fence) and that is certainly enough to fill our house with smoke and make our washing smell of it, I line dry washing most days spring/summer autumn. Even if you are just sat out with windows shut and no washing it is pretty unpleasant sitting in someone else's smoke.

When we have one we do it in the evening and check to make sure the neighbours haven't got washing out or back windows open, if they have we knock and tell them we are starting. I would be very pissed off if I lived next to someone who used a barbecue as often as you do, so yes, please do speak to your neighbours and work towards a solution, it sounds as though you are on good terms otherwise. However if you aren't prepared to switch to gas or cut down the frequency dramatically I can't really see how this can be resolved.

smallblackcat · 21/07/2014 11:54

Switching to gas wouldn't help much with the smell of meat, which some people, including myself, find unpleasant.

jamdonut · 21/07/2014 11:54

YABU

I have neighbours like this.

My washing does smell of BBQ'd food.

They are outside till the early hours,midweek.

Its driving me nuts.

Occasional BBQ's I can accept - but please - have some consideration for your neighbours. Not everyone thinks the smell is " yummy".

It maybe your garden,but you do have to have some thought as to what is acceptable,especially in terraced housing where everyone is in close proximity to each other. If you've got a semi or detached house with a huge garden,that is a different kettle of fish.

TFPsa · 21/07/2014 11:57

On the merits of charcoal over gas - these are very greatly exaggerated and poorly understood.

A charcoal bbq that's ready to go, i.e. with white coals, is just giving off heat, no more or less, not some special fragrant smoke or whatever.

Specialist products such as smokers (I know one chap who's such a purist that he got one imported the US) are a bit different, and there are some subtleties like the overall higher temperature of charcoal, but I'd really encourage trying gas bbqs with an open mind.

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 11:57

i use gas - note no real difference.
WRT the smell of meat - i find the smell of fags vile, doesnt stop people smoking though

WhereHas1999DissappearedToo · 21/07/2014 11:58

YABU. You should either move the BBQ to the end of your garden or cut down the amount of BBQ you do, a chat with your neighbour sounds like a great idea.

I'm a Kiwi and I can't even be bothered to BBQ that much Grin

McFox · 21/07/2014 12:06

You're totally selfish and clearly don't give a shit.

BerylStreep · 21/07/2014 12:06

Well you know now that it bothers them, so I think it would be reasonable for you reduce the frequency. I don't even think it warrants a conversation with the neighbours, just do it.

Twice a day on both days of the weekend does seem to be a bit excessive IMO.

Have you thought of changing to gas, or siting the BBQ at the bottom of the garden?

grin

northlight · 21/07/2014 12:07

When the first time I am aware of the problem (having previously not considered it to be a problem as it is normal for us and my family in general)

You mean that you have never given so much as a thought to this, ever?

YABU OP. Would it never occur to you to consider your impact on others before doing something? You would have to be pretty dim or incredibly self centred not to realise that such frequent BBQs might be a problem for your neighbours.

Inconsiderate in the extreme.

LongTimeLurking · 21/07/2014 12:09

The smell would drive me nuts if you were BBQing multiple times a week every time the weather was good.

Obviously it is your garden but I think you are still a bit unreasonable.

MaidOfStars · 21/07/2014 12:09

A charcoal bbq that's ready to go, i.e. with white coals, is just giving off heat, no more or less, not some special fragrant smoke or whatever

I am a veggie so my BBQing techniques involve only peppers and halloumi, but just wanted to query this.

I thought the point of charcoal BBQing was to have some fat and juice dripping onto the charcoal, such that it smokes back up onto the meat? That's why gas BBQs don't cut it (although those that fake the charcoal/smoking thing will)?

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 12:22

northlight yes that is what I mean. I had never had reason to consider it before as to me it is normal. Warm weather = BBQ, that's just how it has always been in my family. it isn't that I don't care about my neighbours, just that it never occurred to me that this could be a problem before now.

never occurred to me to lug my kids out of the car to pay for petrol, never occurred to me not to put my children on reins for their own safety, never occurred to me to not let my kids play out in the garden making noise - some things are just part of my normal life and it would never occur to me to do different. [shrug] (yes these don't impact the same way on others as a BBQ may do but the point is these are normal activities for my family. apparently not for others)

OP posts:
LongTimeLurking · 21/07/2014 12:23

OP is clearly not interested in whether she is BU or not anyway. Makes me wonder why she posted the AIBU in the first place.

It is even worse in the current weather conditions as the smoke will blow right into others houses through open doors/windows.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 12:27

yawn. longtime read the fucking thread. you cant possibly be automatically unreasonable for not knowing there was a problem Hmm

OP posts:
IceBeing · 21/07/2014 12:28

Doesn't this mean the OP is eating FAR FAR too much meat?

The RDA is 70g...which is 1 sausage or 1 burger per day.

How can you BBQ twice a day and not exceed the guidelines?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/07/2014 12:28

Well OP now you do know, will you swap to gas / cut down on the BBQs?