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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to BBQ in my own garden?

327 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 08:16

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:57

difficult to explain the layout but the way the houses are means there is a double height brick wall blocking the direct line from BBQ to their patio, having looked at it again the wind would have to be in a very specific direction for it to be blown towards their door at all.

OP posts:
StanleyLambchop · 21/07/2014 11:00

BBQ food is carcinogenic, so from the health perspective I would consider cutting back

BBQ food twice a day , two days a week? Never mind cancer, my intestines would be screaming for mercy!

PrimalLass · 21/07/2014 11:00

primal I can only assume you have not tried both and/or are not particularly fond of it as a way of cooking. my family enjoys the flavour produced by cooking with charcoal hence why we will not be switching to gas and we cant afford a new bbq anyway

Assume away. You have no idea what I like and don't like. But to say that using a gas BBQ is not BBQ, is just factually wrong.

You really are very patronising. Do you honestly think that I wouldn't have ever tried a charcoal bbq? I like both, FTR.

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 11:01

An earlier post said to the OP that everyone had said YABU so why couldn't she get it. However, a lot of earlier posts including yours said YANBU, so she might still have room for doubt, IMO, unfortunately, also IMO.

I think it's very unreasonable behaviour and would really hate to live next door, hence my thrice-iterated comment with low-level sweary word attached. HTH.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 11:02

not intended to be patronising, just would be surprised if you couldn't taste the difference in flavour if you were keen on either method of cooking.

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 21/07/2014 11:06

Ffs there are some incredibly rude idiots on this thread!!!

the op has conceded that she is being inconsiderate and has said she will speak to neighbours to reach a compromise so why the hell are people still giving her a hard time???

She is not being unreasonable as up until she overheard her neighbours bitching she had no idea there was even an issue. She hasn't bbq'd since so is hardly continuing to make their lives hell.

Some people clearly have nothing better to do than bully anonymous strangers on an Internet forum

PrimalLass · 21/07/2014 11:08

not intended to be patronising, just would be surprised if you couldn't taste the difference in flavour if you were keen on either method of cooking.

The difference in taste isn't enough for me to bother with a) the hassle of charcoal or b) annoying my neighbours.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/07/2014 11:09

I think Queen has been calm and measured in the face of some of the replies she's had.

If she chooses to feed her family bbq food 4 times over the weekend what the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?.

BeCool · 21/07/2014 11:09

I love BBQ's but firing up a coal/wood BBQ once or twice a day would be a total PITA to live next door to.

Get a gas BBQ - then it just takes seconds to spark up, minutes to cook with and it's done and dusted quickly. No biggie.

Fires/smoke etc is invasive for your neighbours. I'd be planning a word too.

TheFairyCaravan · 21/07/2014 11:10

We had neighbours like you, once. They used to BBQ all the time. The fucking thing was at the furthest point of their garden from their house, but closest to mine. They did not give a shit my washing was out, the windows were open, "it was their right to use their garden how they wanted!"

I can't stand the smell of BBQs now. It is completely selfish to do what you are doing. Show some consideration FFS!

BeCool · 21/07/2014 11:12

OP the layout of your gardens is kind of irrelevant though isn't it? If it wasn't an issue for them, you wouldn't have overheard the conversation that you did.

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 11:13

What the fuck has it got to do with anyone else? - I'd say it has a fucking LOT to do with the poor neighbours that have to smell the bbq so frequently!

I'm just astounded that she's been having bbq's so frequently, so very, very close to her neighbours door (12 - 14 foot!), and it has taken her OVERHEARING her neighbours say something for it to finally twig that maybe, just maybe, her neighbours aren't overly enamoured with the constant bbqing. Do people seriously not consider what the impact of their actions might be anymore?

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 11:14

I would really love the YANBUs to live next door to OP.

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 11:15

If I had such annoying neighbours I'd be seriously tempted to get some really loud windchimes for their side of the house....

BeCool · 21/07/2014 11:15

OP YABU - though clearly you don't really care what we say - keep being the Queen of your world and doing what you want regardless, but be warned, the "peasants" are revolting.

Vintagejazz · 21/07/2014 11:15

My mum has neighbours who barbecue all the time. The have the barbecue positioned at the top of their garden and the upstairs of my mother's house stinks of greasy food whenever they're out there cooking.
It does really annoy her. If they moved the barbecue further down the garden the smell wouldn't go into anyone's house but they choose to keep it up on their patio because that is what suits them.

MyUsernameIsPants · 21/07/2014 11:16

What a strange thread.

I'm Grin at some of these posts to the OP.

Anyway, I happen to love the smell of a BBQ. I wouldn't mind you being my neighbour if you passed some of the food over the fence

BeCool · 21/07/2014 11:16

What the fuck has it got to do with anyone else?
Did you miss the point where the OP started a thread in AIBU to ask us all?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/07/2014 11:17

Hay I was referring to those posters criticising her choice of food and telling her how bad it is.

That might be the case but that isn't what she posted about Smile.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 11:19

becool that's true. I've just been outside and the measurements I gave are way off anyway! (failed maths for a reason...). I was trying to explain that although terraced its not like there is just the fence separating our BBQ from their patio. have successful shot myself in the back as the measurements I gave are short of the real ones so didn't help my case at all.

unlikely to be believed as will look like I'm back tracking but our BBQ is more like 20ft down and 26/28ft across (I can walk 18ft from my bbq to the fence!).

                           dividing 
                            wall

-NDN door -- -------
-
-
--end of patio-- --brick wall---
-
-
---end of patio--bbq

no idea if that will come out and make any sense! the jist is that the bbq is as far as possible from them!

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 11:21

ok, so didn't come out at all Grin never mind on that!! our brick wall is level with the end of their patio, our bbq is in the bottom corner of our patio below the brick wall on the opposite side of the garden from them.

Confused or something like that! Grin

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesCake · 21/07/2014 11:22

Maybe you could BBQ a little less to give them a break? It can be like groundhog day when your neighbours do the same thing every evening/weekend. You could also invite them round.

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 11:26

Just a guess but I expect the frequency might be more of a problem than the measurements.

theflyingpig · 21/07/2014 11:27

Using it for normal family cooking is definitely less disruptive than throwing huge raucous parties. But there's still potentially an issue.

This is a classic conflict of interests. The OP's freedom to enjoy food cooked the way she wants it conflicts with her neighbours' freedom to enjoy a smokeless garden.

As the OP acknowledges the frequency with which she BBQs is very unusual. On that basis I'd suggest that this is where most of the unreasonableness lies.

A good solutions might be a gas BBQ. far less smoke & also much quicker & more convenient. Not really any different in terms of how food tastes [unless you're comparing them against some kind of specialist charcol or wood smoker, which I suspect isn't the case here]. To be honest if I was BBQing five times a week I'd probably want one regardless of what the neighbours are saying.

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 11:29

OP, I get that you like bbqs. We bbq most weekends if we can, but only once a weekend. We stand the bbq at the end of a 100 foot garden (not possible for everyone, I know).

We do occasionally light an outdoor fire place on cooler evenings, but again, quite far from their outside sitting area.

BUT we have pre-empted any upset by checking with them BEFORE anything could have arisen, asking them to let us know if it was too much or if smoke was getting into their house. You are only checking because you've overheard them saying how annoying it is. That's what astounds me!

It's also about moderation.

It's not wrong to have a party in your house with music on until about 11 pm.

Do it every Friday, and Saturday night and your neighbours will soon what to string you up by your toenails.

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