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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to BBQ in my own garden?

327 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 08:16

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP posts:
Lagoonablue · 21/07/2014 12:29

I hate the obsession with barbecues tbh.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/07/2014 12:29

Ice you can BBQ fish, shellfish and veg you know

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 12:30

Queen, are you interested in being reasonable? You must have noticed that most people don't BBQ 24/7. Most houses come with kitchens. And you have already heard the neighbours complaining. So why just shrug and say it's normal for your family?

Mintyy · 21/07/2014 12:37

Good Lord, aren't you worried about your health? Do you feed all this stuff to your children?

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 12:40

flipflop the reason I said it was normal for my family is to explain why I hadn't considered it an issue before now. just never entered my head as we've always done it.

ice because we bbq other things - veg and fish. and on other days of the week we may not have meat at all. we work to a balanced week of meals rather than by day - blw taught me that, the body needs/wants different things at different times. sometimes I want meat, sometimes just veg. silly to eat something you don't want just because of the 'guidelines'. which, I might add, are not rules, they are guidelines.

bit I will be speaking (talking nicely over a cuppa, not bashing on the door and cursing at them) to find out if it is the smell/time of day/laundry that is the issue and find a way forward accordingly. like adults.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 21/07/2014 12:40

You could wear a MN 'AINBU' apron when you are BBQing.

stooshe · 21/07/2014 12:43

YANBU. Leave the passive aggressive vibe crampers to their tut-tutting. Especially as they don't have enough about them to "confront" you, to your face. They sound like they need to do Maypole dancing or something as equally exciting!
Your neighbours would hate it round my way. People barbecuing up a storm in my local park. If my balcony was any bigger and private, I'd invest in a jerk pan for myself!

BackforGood · 21/07/2014 12:44

I'm with you OP - wouldn't occur to me this would offend or upset anyone else.
We rarely have BBQs, but our next door neighbour does regularly - I'm just jealous, and wish they'd invite me round for some!

You sound very considerate that now you've just found out there are some odd people who don't like the smell, you are going to have a chat about it and see if you can work out a compromise.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 12:45

ok, seems to be a lot of concern over the diet of my family.

for example we may have chicken breast with green veg and potatoes for lunch followed by vegetable kebabs and salad for dinner.

or sausage with root vegs for lunch and fish with couscous with mixed veg for dinner

on a non-bbq day we may have soup with bread for lunch and spag bol for dinner

or sandwiches and veg crudités for lunch and stir fry for dinner.

we do not sit and eat a mountain of meat every mealtime! just the usual portions you would cook in the oven inside!

during the summer the weekends are more meat heavy than the week, it balances out through the winter when there is a lot of stews and soup.

OP posts:
HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 12:52

Who cares if the OP eats meat for breakfast, lunch AND dinner?

Can't quite believe the turn the thread has taken there, tbh.

Like all other guidelines, it changes all the bloody time.....

lowcarbforthewin · 21/07/2014 12:56

They are technically within their rights to complain to the council and you could be fined. BBQ's are one of the things they consider a nuisance.

I love barbecues, love the smell of them, and they make me feel summery but I think I would get pissed off if a neighbour barbecued this much just because the whole of the inside of your house would smell permanently of smoke. I think if you live in terraced housing one or two bbq's a week are ok. More than that and it's intrusive. I used to live in a terraced house where water features annoyed me, noise from their houses etc. I still wouldn't have had 2 barbecues a day!

lowcarbforthewin · 21/07/2014 12:57

And meat everyday is very healthy, morally not so great, but very healthy. Charring the meat isn't so good, makes it carcinogenic I believe??

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 13:00

But "within the big picture of cancer prevention, there are much greater risks than grilling," says Colleen Doyle, M.S., R.D., director of Nutrition and Physical Activity for the American Cancer Society. For example, "if you’re 30 pounds overweight, that puts you at much greater risk for developing a number of cancers [than does eating grilled meats]."

Hmmm, so hardly worth worrying about then.....

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/07/2014 13:01

You don't have to justify how you and dh feed your family Queen.

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 13:03

So people having a moan in their own garden about non-stop BBQing next door is 'passive aggressive vibe cramping"? Says it all, really.

Queen, when you speak to the neighbours I would cut to the chase and focus on frequency rather than laundry and time of day. Their issue is frequency, i.e. every day is not reasonable.

SirChenjin · 21/07/2014 13:08

Just because you can doesn't always mean you should

OP - I like an occasional BBQ. What's not to like? Otoh, if I had to smell this smell every time the sun shone I would go demented. Have some consideration for others woman - at least buy a gas BBQ, cover the food when you're cooking it, and move it as far away from their garden as you can.

Coconutty · 21/07/2014 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gillian1980 · 21/07/2014 13:11

I would find it annoying if my neighbours BBQ-ed all the time, but not to the extent that is complain to them.

We live mid terrace and small back gardens. When people BBQ the smell comes in and overwhelms the house so we need to close the back windows. And I can't hang the laundry out either.

It is totally their right to do it and hence I wouldn't complain but if it was all the time it would wind me up and I'd consider them pretty thoughtless.

ChaChaChaChanges · 21/07/2014 13:15

Just wanted to say that I'm really impressed with your proposal to talk to your neighbours as civilised adults - such a refreshing change!

SauvignonBlanche · 21/07/2014 13:15

I don't get why I am being spoken to like I'm some devil neighbour ??

Having you as a neighbour would be my idea of Hell.

YABVU I couldn't put washing out or have windows open if I was going to be covered in BBQ smoke. Once in a while, fine, we do occasionally but I warn the neighbours first as it's very intrusive.

wheresthelight · 21/07/2014 13:18

Flipflop - unless you are the ndn you have no idea what their issue is. The frequency may not be an issue at all it may well be to do with the smells etc so pipe down with your crap assumptions.

For all those of you pointing judgemental fingers at the op just remember that there are ALWAYS 3 pointing right back at you

PrimalLass · 21/07/2014 13:19

Your food sounds really delicious, but I don't think I could be bothered with the hassle for a few bits of veg on a stick.

SirChenjin · 21/07/2014 13:20

I will be speaking (talking nicely over a cuppa, not bashing on the door and cursing at them) to find out if it is the smell/time of day/laundry that is the issue and find a way forward accordingly. like adults

Yup.

Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 13:27

Whereisthelight, do read the bit in the OP's OP about what the neighbours said, before you upbraid me on my "crap assumptions".

No doubt they hate the smells too, but OP was aiming for a discussion on time of day and laundry which struck me as going around the main issue a bit and possibly looking to finesse the problem rather than address it.

And you do know where you can point your pointy finger (or three).

Thenapoleonofcrime · 21/07/2014 13:33

The good thing about the situation is that the OP overheard them, they are not at the complaining stage yet, and they already are friendly but have just moved in. There's every reason to think this could be sorted out by a bit of a chat- I have moved into a new neighbourhood and I've chatted to the neighbours a few times over the past months about whether we are too noisy/intrusive and they the same. Everyone does something a bit anti-social, one of my neighbours had birds that cheep all the time, the other side can hear us stomping about but not the children having a tantrum, we all compromise and muddle along together. The Op will need to be a little flexible though, now she knows most people would have an issue with this.