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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to BBQ in my own garden?

327 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 08:16

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP posts:
Oldraver · 21/07/2014 10:35

OP...How would you like it if your neighbours were setting a bonfire twice a day at the weekend and often in the week ? to some a smell of a bonfire is lovely to others its just obnoxious if done too much

OddFodd · 21/07/2014 10:35

You know what the problem is and how to fix it :o

I'd cut down to once a day at weekends and once during the week and then you don't need to have a conversation :)

Staywithme · 21/07/2014 10:36

Queen I hope you get it sorted as it's horrible living next door to neighbours you don't get on with. Believe me I'm speaking form experience and if there was anything I could do to make the situation easier I would. Good luck.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:37

I overheard them last night. I have not bbq'd since. therefore it is not possible that I am wilfully continuing with it!!!

staywithme then I will speak to them about a compromise on which time of day is less of a problem. the BBQ is fixed to the ground and can not move how many times do I have to say this.

of course I am not prepared to change my method of cooking and relandscape my garden. I am however prepared to be flexible with the time and frequency of use.

MNers sure like to spoil for a fight, I haven't event spoken to them, they haven't spoken to me and already we have competitive neighbours from hell contests going on apparently!

OP posts:
Sapat · 21/07/2014 10:37

YABU. I live in a terrace house, small garden, and my neighbours smoke in theirs. They are nice but, as a non-smoker, the smell annoys me, I can't imagine how ghastly it would be if they BBQ constantly. You should try to be more considerate if you are doing something more noisy/smelly/etc than the accepted norm when you live in close proximity to others. If you are unwilling to change your behaviour then I think you ought to try and be extra pleasant to them to make up for it, such as occasionally inviting them to share a BBQ or the odd bottle of wine/flowers. You accept a lot more from neighbours you like, and it stops the aggravation from escalating into hatred.

PunkAssMoFo · 21/07/2014 10:37

But op you already know what the problem is & how to fix it.

The problem is that they thin you BBQ too frequently & the solution is to do so less often. I think if you were to go round & tell them what you heard & offer to maybe only BBQ in evenings at weekends they would be appeased. You don't seem to want to accept this though. It really is just down to common courtesy. If you don't want to compromise on the frequency, then re-siting the BBQ May also help. It just seems like as these solutions don't suit you they are not being considered.

Perhaps when this is sorted you could invite them round & enjoy a BBQ together for the sake of neighbourly relations.

RiverTam · 21/07/2014 10:39

sorry, but nitpicking like that, getting the neighbours to say well, we're happy with this but not with this - just move the fucking thing and cut down - don't put the onus on to them to provide the solution.

'I can see it might be inconsiderate'. No 'might' about it, it is inconsiderate. Very. You know that they find it so so just do something about it without further discussion. Yes, they should have spoken to you but perhaps they thought there's no point with someone that inconsiderate. You really shouldn't need a load of strangers on the internet to point that out to you.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:41

FFS READ MY POSTS!!!

NO I will not move my BBQ or change to gas

YES I will speak to them and find out which time of day is preferable to them or find out if it is related to laundry rather than time of day and move forward accordingly

FFS

OP posts:
RiverTam · 21/07/2014 10:41

no, I'm afraid you need to stop BBQing so close to the house - that is the real issue. If it can't be moved and it's so important for you to eat BBQd food then you'll fork out for one to have at the bottom of the garden. Even if you half the number you're doing, it's still a lot and it's still very close to their house.

RiverTam · 21/07/2014 10:42

xposts. The you're an inconsiderate twat of a neighbour. Not really much more to be said.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:43

we get on well, and I do not consider myself an inconsiderate neighbour - we look after their pets when they are away, we have had them over for coffee before. there is no reason to assume they think we are Neanderthals!

OP posts:
OddFodd · 21/07/2014 10:43

Fucking hell. I was quite glad I didn't live next door to you at the start of the thread and now I'm really glad

storytopper · 21/07/2014 10:44

I don't use a barbecue myself. Don't mind the smell of it occasionally but I wouldn't like to live next door to you.

Have you thought about the health of your family bearing in mind your high meat consumption and the fact that you are cooking at high temperatures and charring your food all the time?

www.huffingtonpost.com/nalini-chilkov/grilling-health_b_1796567.html

JenniferJo · 21/07/2014 10:46
Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:47

where our BBQ is about 12/14ft down from their back door and about 15/17ft across.

I don't get why I am being spoken to like I'm some devil neighbour ??? When the first time I am aware of the problem (having previously not considered it to be a problem as it is normal for us and my family in general), I asked for opinions and on the back of that accepted it is deemed inconsiderate by others and therefore I will speak to them to find a solution, to move forwards in the interests of remaining on good terms with them?

what is in any way unreasonable about that chain of events?

OP posts:
HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 10:48

Fine, don't move your bbq. Continue to annoy your neighbours who have been biting their tongues trying to be nice and not say anything to you about it, but will probably at some point boil over with rage and have a go at your. Your back garden, your choice!

You can get a kettle bbq for between £50 and £100, so there's no need for the nonsense of pulling up your bbq brick by brick.

YOU came on here and ASKED us if you were being unreasonable.

You received a strong YES from almost everyone, but go ahead, keep deluding yourself that you're lovely and reasonable if you want. Can't see the point of asking us though...

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 10:48

12 - 14 ft from their back door?

Bloody hell, it gets worse and worse......

ExcuseTypos · 21/07/2014 10:51

14ft away is not a lot at all! Move the bloody thing to the end of your garden.

And would you please answer the question about the health aspects of BBQing so frequently, which several posters have posted about. It really is not healthy for your dc to be eating so much BBQed meat.

OddFodd · 21/07/2014 10:51

You're a nightmare neighbour because, until you overheard your neighbours, it didn't occur to you that BBQing twice a day on weekends and one evening during the week might be ever so slightly annoying for everyone who lives around you.

Did it not occur to you before that your neighbours might object? Seriously?

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:51

storytopper we don't cook at the high of the charcoal heat, we also use briquettes which are lower in temp. we have a grill fitted higher up so the meat is not right down close to the coals and we don't cook it so it is black on the outside. we also don't always use meat, we do vegetable kebabs sometimes too.

OP posts:
Flipflops7 · 21/07/2014 10:52

Unfortunately a lot of early responses were YANBU so the OP might have got the idea there was room for doubt.

YABU, YABU, YAB bloody U!

Staywithme · 21/07/2014 10:54

flipflops7

Are you trying to say OP is being unreasonable? Grin

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 10:54

oddfodd no it didn't as my whole extended family BBQs regularly through the summer months, a few do through the winter too. it is normal for our family.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/07/2014 10:55

Flipflops7

Unfortunately a lot of early responses were YANBU, what d'you mean? Confused, my opinion was that it wouldn't bother me and I maintain that, nothing unfortunate about it.

SaggyAndLucy · 21/07/2014 10:56

your washing doesn't smell because it's outside being aired. If your neighbour has their doors or windows open and the breeze is in the wrong direction, then their house will stink. The smell will get in and build up and be trapped.
its no different than living in a flat that permanently smells of the neighbours boiled cabbage.
Yes, bbqs smell nice to some, but who wants it forced on them!

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