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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you can never run away from debt?

141 replies

NotQuiteBelieving · 20/07/2014 20:42

Have NC for privacy as lots of details may out me if linked with previous threads.
Basically I've been with my DP for a couple of years. I have a teenage DS and DP's children are grown up and moved out. DS lives with me at weekends. I moved in with DP a few months ago as I was in rented and it felt emotionally and financially the sensible thing to do for us.
Anyway we decided the other day to look into moving. I knew DP had had a few financial hiccups about 10 years ago (got into debt seriously, house at risk of repossession, ended with a charge being put onto the house by a loan company). Anyway when we spoke about moving, DP kind of dropped hints about credit rating not being great and there being more debts other than the ones which got charged to the house. We spoke about it and they opened up and told me that although there's also about £40k on various credit cards, it's apparently not a problem as all the companies have given up chasing, having been given the runaround for the last 5-6 years. DP never answers the landline nor answers the front door and it turns out that all the credit card companies have backed off and nothing has been heard from them for about a couple of years now. I am shocked, firstly at the level of debt that has just been ignored and secondly at the fact that DP has seemingly got away with this. Is this likely to be the case?

Am now thinking that a mortgage is not going to happen for us...no equity in house after charge from loan company, very little deposit and credit rating shot to bits. I'm employed but my salary will not be considered anywhere near enough to get a mortgage for that house. And to be honest I'm not sure I want to get financially tied to someone who can't see the seriousness of that level of debt :(

I'm having nightmares over the credit card companies coming to chase the debt up. Have they really disappeared? Has anyone got any experience of this? Sorry for the long post :(

OP posts:

EarthWindFire · 21/07/2014 14:53

Not necessarily. Defaults etc drop off your credit file after 6 years.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 21/07/2014 15:46

fair enough, so he just needs to keep on the right track for 6 years plus... with his track record!

Original poster

NotQuiteBelieving · 22/07/2014 22:39

Right...after a bit of a break from this thread I've done some digging. Checked out the link about CCJs and DP has one from about 18 months ago so won't pass a credit search. It's also listed as "unsatisfied" which I'm guessing is not a good thing!

Things have moved on a bit, after admitting a mortgage is not going to happen, DP is now insisting we rent somewhere instead, but the place they're suggesting is way more expensive than the mortgage here yet much smaller. Location is not much different either so I just can't understand why it's a good idea to move and pay more for less??

I'm starting to suspect that the house is being repossessed as I can't think of any reason why DP would actually choose to move from owning a big house to renting a small one for more money per month. Is there any way of finding out if it's being repossessed if DP won't own up? Some kind of register etc? And would it automatically get auctioned afterwards?

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesCake · 22/07/2014 22:46

Letting agents do credit searches so he has neigh on no chance. The bank will be the ones writing to him if the mortgage is in arrears. They go to court for a repossession order, but there's no way of finding out when other than looking at his mail. They usually auction them afterwards and take their cut first. If there's anything still owing (so if the house sells for less than a person owes), they will still go after this. I don't know any more, sorry

LittleBearPad · 22/07/2014 22:48

Who is the mortgage with. Have there been letters from the bank the mortgage is with?

He has gig himself in a complete mess and now by renting appears to be running away from it. Is this man worth all this worry?

Original poster

NotQuiteBelieving · 22/07/2014 22:52

LittleBear my DP is female and I'm starting to wonder if she really is worth all this upheaval and hassle, especially when I have a DS who is involved :(

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 23/07/2014 06:10

Sorry to hear this Is there any way you feel you could have a conversation with her along the lines of "Trust is crucial for me, I have doubts about what you're telling me about your finances. I'm giving you one opportunity to come completely clean or I'm outta here" etc etc?

kali110 · 23/07/2014 08:15

Sorry you and your son are going through this op. can't imagine how you are feeling.
I honestly would cut my losses and leave, it does sound odd about the house.
I couldn't be with someone who had kept such a huge secret from me, or someone who thinks is ok to not pay any of that money back and be so blasé about it.

mrscumberbatch · 23/07/2014 08:28

A lot of the companies leave the debt sitting and wait for something like a loan agreement for a computer to come through or a mortgage application etc etc and then they find you and start again.

With the selling of debts, what was one an RBS debt could now belong to another agency who is linked to another finance company... So really there are, for arguments sake, 5 different companies looking out for activity from the debtor.

Just own up and get a repayment schedule.

EarthWindFire · 23/07/2014 08:56

'Unsatisfied' means that it hasn't been paid (although there can be a delay in updating their info.

A bad credit history doesn't always mean not able to rent, especially as you are doing it together, although it could mean a higher deposit or a couple of months rent in advance.

Worth remembering however by law only one company can 'chase you' at any one time per debt. For example if a creditor passes it in to a debt collection agency to act on their behalf, they can't both chase you at the same time iyswim.

EarthWindFire · 23/07/2014 09:00

Sorry I can't remember if there is any equity in the house? If thee is could they be wanting this to pay off their debt?

If not it could be that they think that if they aren't a home owner then there it us less likely that one will go for bankruptcy or court.

The debt that there is a CCJ against them for they ought to at least sort. She needs to contact them and sort out a repayment schedule. If she honestly knew nothing about the court action then she needs to ask them for proof of judgement.

Primadonnagirl · 23/07/2014 09:09

You know this isn't right. You would be signing yourself up to a lifetime of debt and worry....look how worried you are already.She is clearly in denial so is likely to build up new debt too. It's sad but better off a clean break now than trying to extract yourself from complex financial situation years down the line.

MorrisZapp · 23/07/2014 09:17

Good god. How can you possibly consider living with somebody who lies and covers up like this. You have a kid. Seriously, get out before you get drawn into this awful mess.

If your dp had been honest upfront and asked for your help then maybe there was hope, but even now you don't know if the home you and your child live in is to be repossessed? This is so, so wrong.

Your dp may well be a misguided soul in need of help but she needs to sort herself out and not drag you down with her. Please reconsider your relationship. I'm sorry.

tiggerkid · 23/07/2014 09:30

Haven't got the experience of credit card companies chasing me but I can tell you one thing I know from work: all debt is eventually passed on to debt collectors, who have very different ways of chasing a delinquent customer. They have ways of tracing the "disappearing" customer and no matter how long it takes them, eventually they will trace and start working out ways to collect outstanding debt. If the person can't pay cash, they can force them to sell their possessions to repay or they will simply remove the most valuable possessions to auction off to settle part of the debt. The debt, especially, one of that size doesn't just disappear and needs to be dealt with. If it can't be paid in large settlements, smaller installments need to be discussed. If it can't be paid at all, bankruptcy or similar arrangement needs to be made.

In today's society, it's not that difficult to trace people. Changing phone numbers is a very childish but, nonetheless, fraudulent way to escape debt. I am assuming your DP hasn't changed his name, date of birth, NI and other similar details, in which case, trust me, all of this is traceable. Debt collection agencies go as far down as knocking on doors of old neighbours to trace the person and they very rarely fail to find their man. They invest heavily into technology and ways to trace, so unless your DP disappears off the face of the Earth, it isn't impossible to find him. So, to answer your question, no, debt doesn't just disappear. Credit card companies, which are usually banks, may have given up on chasing your DP but I am pretty confident that debt collectors who acquired the debt will be much harder to put off because the more they find, the more they will get paid. That's their incentive to keep looking.

EarthWindFire · 23/07/2014 10:04

If the person can't pay cash, they can force them to sell their possessions to repay or they will simply remove the most valuable possessions to auction off to settle part of the debt. The debt, especially, one of that size doesn't just disappear and needs to be dealt with. If it can't be paid in large settlements, smaller installments need to be discussed. If it can't be paid at all, bankruptcy or similar arrangement needs to be made.

They can't gain possessions without a court order or you inviting them into your home. They can't force entry. Only court ordered bailiffs have a 'right' to enter your home and even then under strict guidelines.

You do not have to allow debt collector ball ifs into your home. They try to get you to, as then they can list goods rtc that they may seize/auction at a later date. They have as much right to enter your home however as your next door neighbour does.

EarthWindFire · 23/07/2014 10:06

Oh and the same rules apply to statute barred debts with debt collectors as does with your original creditors.

tiggerkid · 23/07/2014 10:13

They can't gain possessions without a court order or you inviting them into your home

When I say force, I didn't mean physical force or any illegal dealings. Reputable debt collecting agencies operate well within the boundaries of the law. We aren't talking about some dodgy guys with large muscles forcing an entry. Large debt collecting companies are often parts of even larger corporations, so there won't be any dodgy dealings but this size of debt still won't just disappear. Whether it's court ordered bailiffs or other means, the person will either be force to sell their possessions to repay debt or will have to declare themselves bankrupt. It's pretty hard to avoid paying what you owe these days.

Morloth · 23/07/2014 10:15

You would be crazy to tie yourself and more importantly your son to this mess.

Walk away. Or you and him will be up shit creek with your DP.

EarthWindFire · 23/07/2014 10:16

Without a court order you do not have to allow ballifs from debt collectors/original creditors etc... into your home and therefore they can not sell off possessions etc. it is a wide held misconception that you do have to let them in.

As I said unless you invite them in they have as much 'right' to your possessions as the man in the street.

Aussiemum78 · 23/07/2014 10:18

I'd dump your dp.

They are basically a thief. They are going to drag your son into poverty and you will be retiring with nothing. And if you do accumulate any wealth, it will be spent.

I can live frugally, (ie to pay off a debt) but I refuse to live with the stress of homelessness, not being able to afford food, education or medical expenses for my child. And you sound like being in danger of that happening.

tiggerkid · 23/07/2014 10:24

Without a court order you do not have to allow bailiffs from debt collectors/original creditors etc... into your home

No, you don't, but the point of what I am saying is that the person can be traced and forced to pay, have their possessions removed or will have to be declared bankrupt. Nobody just runs away. I doubt that it will make OP feel any better that it will be a court ordered bailiff knocking on her door to remove the aforementioned possessions. It certainly wouldn't be of any consolation to me.

OP, I do think you need some serious discussion with DP about your future.

LIZS · 23/07/2014 10:30

Sounds like he could have had the debt against the house called in even if not being repossessed by mortgage company. If there is no or negative equity you could still end up owing afterwards. A CCJ from 18 months ago means that there are ongoing issues not only historical ones. How has he continued it run up cc debts and is he still doing so ? Payday loans etc ? Don't minimise this these are not "hiccups" but long term problem and bordering on fraudulent - borrowing with no intention to repay. He has to want to change not just run away. Honestly it sounds as if he expects you to fund a lifestyle he cannot sustain and will take you down with him. Is that a future you would willingly choose ?

jacks365 · 23/07/2014 10:32

Even with a court order you do not need to allow bailiffs entry except in certain circumstances usually court fines. County court doesn't have right of entry and that is who most debts are done through. With regards to bankruptcy if the debts are spread about rather than to one company it probably isn't in anyone's interest to go bankruptcy route as it is expensive especially when there are no assets and a fully mortgaged property is only an asset to the mortgage company.

Op I would seriously suggest that you look for a place to live just you and your ds and walk away from this relationship.

Yambabe · 23/07/2014 10:44

Would I be right in thinking DP is female? Not that it matters I suppose.

My other question would be were the debts run up solely in DP's name or as a joint thing with their ex? As if they were joint debts it's entirely possible that DP hasn't been chased because the ex is still paying........

tiggerkid · 23/07/2014 10:45

OP, what you must also remember is that unpaid debt, if continues to be unpaid, can add up. So the whole time your DP was trying to run away from the credit card companies, the interest probably kept adding up plus fines for missed payments. Therefore, it is entirely possible that the current outstanding figure is much larger than the original debt he was trying to escape. By the time, it gets to debt collecting agencies, the amount normally stays fixed until the person is found and some sort of arrangement is worked out but because you don't know whether it has been passed to debt collectors or when and your DP has been trying to bury his head in the sand, it sounds like you wouldn't know what the actual figure is.

I agree that bankruptcy is a far from ideal solution. It will affect your credit history for years to come and, in this country, that can have pretty dire consequences.

Whoever can or can't come into your home to remove your possessions is beside the point. I think the bigger picture is that you will be constantly afraid of someone knocking on your door to chase this debt, so I'd definitely have a very serious chat with DP and ask him what his plan is besides running away.

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