to feel like crying over my 2 yo who has never eaten a meal?

[PupInBoots]

DD is very nearly two yo and still barely eats. She was EBF and I BF her at bedtime until last month. She showed no interest in solids when under one, she refused a spoon, wouldn't even touch any food when I tried BLW - much less taste it. By 14 months she'd eat yoghurt, nothing else but was still breastfeeding twice. I spoke to HV who said she must be eating more than I say because she isn't underweight.

Now she's approaching her second birthday and she hasn't tried anything new for months. The only foods she'll eat are toast, cheese, yoghurt, bananas, crisps. She drinks whole milk but not much, and water. I don't put pressure on her, get stressed etc. I honestly thought she'd just be interested at some point once older and more hungry once active but if anything she's getting worse.

Yesterday during the entire day she ate: half a slice of toast, a yoghurt, half a banana, a small cup of milk and some cheese.I offer new foods, try to get her to help cook, we eat together - nothing works. The other day she ate a slice of toast and that's it all day, by evening she was hysterical as no doubt her tummy was hurting as she was so hungry but she just wouldn't eat

She weighs 22 lbs - the same as her 7 month old cousin. I spoke to the HV again last month who said she's concerned as DD isn't growing taller but again, she said I must be exaggerating about how little DD eats I am just at a loss of what to do next to help her. AIBU to feel so upsetthat she just wwon't eat? Has anyone else had any experience of this? Any advice?

So sorry for you and your DD.She needs a referral to a paediatric dietitian.They will have seen many similar cases and be able to advise.

Think about the buffet idea OP. You need to find out what and when she'll eat when given the opportunity. If she's only being offered certain food at certain times you're not getting a true representation of how much she can/will eat.

Pup, you're obviously really worried about this so I'd suggest that when you go along to your follow up appointment you don't wait and hope that the referral is made. You need to insist on a paediatric referral. I don't think many paediatricians would object to you taking up a slot in clinic.

I think with DD's lack of eating and speech and just as importantly your huge amount of worry a referral would be warranted. I know it's not in some of us to push and make a fuss but you really should, if nothing else for your own peace of mind. Most modern consultants would appreciate that and just how important it is.

Good luck at the doctors and hang in there - I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you.

My DD wasn't bribeable either. I got referred to CAMHS who referred me to a nutritionist at our hospital, who chatted to me, asked what DD ate (!) and said there wasn't a problem, having looked at her red book for weight height charts.
Some kids won't sleep. Some kids won't toilet train. And some kids won't eat. Apparently I wasn't interested in food either as a baby, and my mum would weep at how little I ate. And she was a children's nurse....

Forgot to say, my DD would gag and throw up really easily which didn't help! Does your DC do this?

Only one thing to add to all the good advice -

''She will only eat one food per meal so it just feels a bit crap to be serving up chips for tea.''

Serve her up what you think she will eat that day, be it chips, crisps and cheese, whatever. But i would add a little of something else on the plate every time. Tomato? Apple? No pressure to eat it. Even if you pretty much know she wont try it i think it's a good idea for her to see other/extra food on her plate most days.

YY to fluffy.
Good luck OP. I hope posting has made you feel less alone, and that your partner/family are being supportive too.

One last suggestion: have you tried taking her to McDonalds?! For a long time this was the only way DD would eat red meat...

Ds have survived years on a very restrictive diet, he is sad and there is loads of food he will not touch.

Demand a referral to a dietician, DS has spatone every day so I know he is getting all his vitamins ect

ok if she likes cake, what about carrot cake, or other cakes with vegetables or fruit in and honey etc. They arent all cream laden nightmares- take a look on google for ideas. Could be a good way to try flavours in a form that she isnt intimidated by? If she likes chips why not a plate of normal chips mixed with polenta chips or sweet potato ones? maybe some ketchup on side for dipping if she fancies. Does she watch any shows which capture her imagination? Lola for example drinks pink milk, would she drink pink milk too? seems basic but just moving onto new colours or flavours of the same thing could be a step forward.

I do second ENORMOUSLY going to see a specialist. can you afford to go private? if not PUSH PUSH PUSH for a referral. refuse to leave surgery til they give it to you. It is your right ffs.

Just to let you know my DS is now 4 1/2 and it's getting better! Earlier this week he tried his sisters sausage roll, and today he ate a whole sausage! A few weeks ago he actually tried and enjoyed a "teeny tiny" pancake! Tell me, what child doesn't like pancakes? This one, he hasn't eaten one since though. There is light at the end of the tunnel. What has helped me is realising all I can do is provide the food, he has to eat it.

I breast fed him until he was 3 because I was concerned about his diet (just once at bed time, but more if he was sick).

I agree with the speech therapist check- maybe she has a tongue tie which makes putting solids in her mouth and chewing swallowing difficult or some other muscular issue?

My DS is just fussy and stubborn.

don't rely on MN and HV's. All may be well-meaning but ultimately not qualified

see the GP and get referred to a paediatrician.

the child needs to be checked out to make sure there is no abnormal growth in the abdomen, or anything like that. Lots of reasons for a child not to eat.

really, get a doctor. Please.

get off MN, forget the HV (who is not a doctor), just call the GP now.

Agree go to gp, get tests to rule out physical issue and after that referral to paediatric dietician. Then you will be able to get as much food/nutrition into her as possible. Be firm with the GP to get the tests and referral. It is stressful. My ds is now a big 8yo but existed on yoghurt as a toddler. Which he then quit eating and went for cheese instead. It's hard and takes years to deal with a serious fussy eater. My ds is still restricted but he will eat pizza which I consider a huge breakthrough. He eats enough pizza for an adult and had grown very tall.

Yes get them checked by a paediatrician to see if there are any abnormalities

However, if the tests don't reveal anything then many paediatricians wont be able to help. I have a feeling that quite a few EBF children are like this. And the medical community have little or no no experience with such children. This is a new phenomenum if you like

Someone earlier provided a link to Carlos Gonzalez's book which has been out here in Spain for 5-6 years now. Carlos is one of the few child experts worth reading and he is correct when he says that no child will starve themselves to death and that growth charts were put together by studying bottle fed babies. However, if your chid used to be on the 70th percentile and now is on the 1st percentile then that advice doesnt really help

EBF mums are still pretty much in the dark here. It feels like EBF is the natural thing to do but people in the West havent been doing it for hundreds of years (certainly not in the past 50 years) so we are pretty much learning things (again) for the first time

I agree to push for a paed referral, to rule out medical causes. I suggest doing a detailed and complete food diary for a couple of weeks in the meantime: Date: Time: Food Offered: Food Eaten (incl quantity). It will make appointments much easier, because I'm sure loads of mothers say "DC hardly eats a thing" when in fact their toddler's diet is eccentric but perfectly adequate. You need solid documented details.

I had a DS who would not eat anything. He did not put things in his mouth and would not do the weaning thing 'properly' which was a problem because the HV at the time thought he should be on 3 meals a day at 5 months (he is 22 now!). I used to be under pressure because he was not putting weight on fast enough, then they became utterly chilled about it after a year, when I started to worry!

At his 1st birthday party, he was on a diet of milk and bread sticks and threw his birthday cake on the floor.

At 2, he ate bread, bread sticks, yogurt, fromage frais, bananas orange juice with occasional things like cream cheese on his bread. My (new) health visitor thought this was ok.

I was determined we were not going to end up with him on a diet of chocolate buttons (there was a boy on a Nanny programme like this - but tbh, he would not touch chocolate until about 18mths) used to make home made bread with egg in it (Viennese rolls), cheesy bread. We experimented with spreads and pates with mixed success. We had some success with Apple Charlotte which was like a summer pudding with stewed apple, thickened with egg custard in it. We built on the success with pureed fruit in custard. I started giving him a multivitamin medicine with iron in, after a period of him flopping around and watching television.

He started eating fish fingers at 3, (he went on a playgroup trip with a piece of bread, cold fish fingers and a carton of orange juice) then 'chick sticks' (chicken ones) then I tried making my own things in bread crumbs and that went ok, as long as it was bland textured.

When he started school, he had school dinners because I hoped he would make do with what he was given and try things with the other children. He liked fish and chips, fish cakes, they used to give him mashed potato and cheese as a last resort. His little sisters used to egg him on to eat things like carrots, and sometimes it worked, and sometimes it did. He did gradually start eating more variety.

He did not eat proper meals until he was in his teens. Now, he eats proper meals if I make them, eats far too much crap (crisps and sweets) and is a bit on the thin side. He does have a lot of other problems in his life, though, as he most likely has some undiagnosed ASD problems, which is probably why he was so difficult with his food. He is very stubborn and very good at getting out of doing anything he does not want to do.

I wish I had got him some help when he was younger, because I think the food issues were a sign of other problems, which I could have had help with when he was younger (if it existed.........)

Is there anything she loves that will get her to start eating at mealtimes?

My DS was very difficult to wean and by 21-22 months he was eating yoghurt, toast, fish fingers, biscuits and rice cakes and that was about it. We also had to start every meal with a Jaffa cake to actually get him to eat the things he liked - he would eat it and then realise he was hungry and eat everything else. Without it he would just sit and scream from hunger but didn't seem to understand until something was in him that the feeling in his tummy was being hungry. That phase lasted about 6 months and then he did improve a bit even though he was still only eating 4 or 5 different foods. He was only 24lbs at 2.

He is getting much better at 4.5. He will now eat some fruit and we can have family meals like sausage and mash or pizza. We haven't pushed him - he can always have what we have or his own food. This is working really well and he's up to about 35lbs now. He has a multivitamin daily and does still have milk 1st and last thing for extra calories.

If you are really worried I would go and see your GP or a different HV. I knew with my DS that I too was a very fussy eater as a child so I understand where he is coming from and that it will improve as he gets older.

Not sure it's specifically a EBF thing though as mine (and me too!) was FF from 3 days old. I do know though that I am a super taster and struggle with lots of flavours as an adult and I would suspect my DS is too.

Pup, you say she's not ready for nursery, but she obviously NEEDS to go. This would undoubtably sort her eating problems out pretty quickly! Peer pressure and all that!!

Looking at these posts OP, plus my own observation and experience, it will get better. DDs nightmare eating was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, and pushed me to the edge of depression.

OP, I'm sorry you are going through this, I know how worrying it can be. My DS has had feeding issues due to reflux (any symptoms of that in your DD?). His diet is still limited in my view but he has gone from eating next to nothing to three meals a day. First thing is push for a referral to specialist paedeatrician and a speech therapist or preferably a team that combines them - my DS is under care of a feeding clinic at a London hospital which combines gastro-paedeatrician, SLT, child psychologist and Paedeatric dietician, as feeding problems can be a combination of physical and psychological. Different things will work for different children. Some of the things I have tried:
Hide calories - add a spoonful of double cream to a yoghurt, olive oil in pasta sauces etc (you'll get there).
Letting her eat biscuits etc - I found there came a point when he was too reliant on snacks and I cut them back down to increase meal time appetite again but at least he was eating regularly
Little and often may be best - as above there will be a tipping point but get her eating first
Leave food out where she can just take it whilst playing/distracted - never worked for DS
Keep offering a selection of new foods regularly - I used to put on plate 2 things I knew DS would eat and one new or hopeful item
If you are eating, put things in communal plates/bowls on table - DS started on pizza, cocktail sausages and carrots this way
Don't pressure her - this is the hardest of all. If they pick up on anxiety it will make it harder
Don't offer alternatives - at one stage I was so desperate I would make DS three different meals to see if he would eat any of them. It was madness. But since he has been able to talk I give him a choice of what his main is. I try to do main, yoghurt, fruit (usually dried)/ occasional dessert
Things to try: kiddylicious dried fruit crisps and their melt in the mouth fruit sweets, calories in drinks e.g. Peanut butter and banana milkshake, cheese biscuits like mini cheddars, quavers/skips.

Looking at length of post can't believe I forgot anything but:

• peer pressure only worked with our DS at childminder's where he ate with same group regularly (and his reflux was improving by that stage)
• sometimes a game with the food/song/competition with Daddy as to who can take first bite, eat two peas etc works but it's a fine line between fun and forcing/pressure. Sometimes he eats better if we just leave him to it.

Would she eat oven food like chicken dippers and waffles and stuff?

I agree with PPs who have said GP and ask to be referred to a specialist.

On a side note though It sounds like your DD eats more than my friend's 6yo. Genuine.

Pup, you say she's not ready for nursery, but she obviously NEEDS to go. This would undoubtedly sort her eating problems out pretty quickly! Peer pressure and all that!!

I hate to disagree but if the child is either stubborn enough or has other issues, peer pressure makes no difference at all. I know as I was that child, one of my DC was that child and two of my DGC are the same. Possible genetic link? BTW I eat a reasonably broad diet now and so does my DC. We're still working on the DGC (one of whom had no speech at three - talks 10 to the dozen now!)

I agree with the others who have said that you should insist on a referral, but until then, let her eat what she wants to eat. I wouldn't even consider trying to change her diet, just get her (if you can) to eat more of what you know she likes.

I'd second and third all the posters saying to back to your gp and request, firmly, a referral.

You need an expert, whether that's a paed or a speech & language expert. Getting general reassuring noises from generalists isn't going to help solve the problem, or soothe you!