to feel like crying over my 2 yo who has never eaten a meal?

[PupInBoots]

DD is very nearly two yo and still barely eats. She was EBF and I BF her at bedtime until last month. She showed no interest in solids when under one, she refused a spoon, wouldn't even touch any food when I tried BLW - much less taste it. By 14 months she'd eat yoghurt, nothing else but was still breastfeeding twice. I spoke to HV who said she must be eating more than I say because she isn't underweight.

Now she's approaching her second birthday and she hasn't tried anything new for months. The only foods she'll eat are toast, cheese, yoghurt, bananas, crisps. She drinks whole milk but not much, and water. I don't put pressure on her, get stressed etc. I honestly thought she'd just be interested at some point once older and more hungry once active but if anything she's getting worse.

Yesterday during the entire day she ate: half a slice of toast, a yoghurt, half a banana, a small cup of milk and some cheese.I offer new foods, try to get her to help cook, we eat together - nothing works. The other day she ate a slice of toast and that's it all day, by evening she was hysterical as no doubt her tummy was hurting as she was so hungry but she just wouldn't eat

She weighs 22 lbs - the same as her 7 month old cousin. I spoke to the HV again last month who said she's concerned as DD isn't growing taller but again, she said I must be exaggerating about how little DD eats I am just at a loss of what to do next to help her. AIBU to feel so upsetthat she just wwon't eat? Has anyone else had any experience of this? Any advice?

She isn't ready for nursery. We do go to toddler groups where she eats alongside other children though, or at least sits while they do.

Good that you can rule out intolerances.

My eldest son has sensory issues but not to quite the same scale, when he was small he wouldnt play with play dough or similar and took ages to hold food and put it in his mouth (past two).

I really hope you get some answers soon, definitely ask for a referral.

I would go back to GP and demand a referral to a dietitian. I think you've been fobbed off.

It could be normal for her or a phase but on the other hand it might not and there's no harm in monitoring. My DN ate like this at two. Everyone said he would grow out of it and not to worry. He's now 14 and eats the same.

PupInBoots

Yes cake, crisps and chocolate will be important in teaching your child that they can enjoy food.

My theory is that they get such pleasure from breast feeding that they have no interest in food because eating it gives them no pleasure

So get them excited about chocolate cake etc. As I said, all calories are good calories. All the messages about obesity arent relevant to your child, just make sure you brush her teeth! (I am a biochemist by training)

My son eats lots of everything now, but 9 months ago, he would only each large quantities of things with chocolate in. That got him used to eating food and helped his stomach grow

If you fear that she's starving herself, then yes, cake, crisps and chocolate are better than nothing!

If the choice is starvation or cake the best thing is always cake!

Forgot that she will also eat chips. However, she won't eat potato in any other variation. Is it better to cater to her and let her have them several times per week just for the calories? She will only eat one food per meal so it just feels a bit crap to be serving up chips for tea.

Hello OP,
I'm feeling your pain. When my DD announced, age 6, that she was hungry we nearly passed out in shock...
DD is fussy. Slow eater. Completely disnintersted in food until she was about 5. I am still feeding her, just so that she eats...she's 8 now.
Here's what we did...
No snacks at all.
Offer main course, pudding, milk. We didn't sayif you don't eat x you can't eat y.
Have you tried feeding her yourself? I'm sure half of MN will yell at me, but hey what you gotta do you gotta do...
We found that putting her near good eaters had no effect at all.
Nor did growing our own food.
Children can and do starve themselves. My DD is incredibly bloody minded.
Colds and teeth would throw her right off food.
Eventually school kicked in, and DD began to eat!!!
Good luck OP. I found my HV was useless and banged on about lumpy food, which she refused to eat, despite having been keen to eat baby rice etc.

Why are you seeing the hv? They aren't specialised or competent for this kind of work. GP first and ask for referrals to paediatrics etc.

DD refused cakes, sweets, biscuits, chocolate etc. She is still anti potato products. She would take sandwiches apart, which drove me mad.

We still feed our son, otherwise he stops after the second mouth full. We plonk him infront of cartoons too (the only time of the day the TV is on)

Create a pleasurable environment and feed the girl what ever she wants, to start with. Then when she is relaxed and eating, over the next few months build up the variation of what you give her

There is a difference between children who won't eat and children who will only eat certain foods. You need to find out which your DD is.

At first it sounded like she was starving herself and refusing food. Now it sounds like she would like to eat, but can only bring herself to eat certain food and you're not offering that to her? That's a different thing.

I had similar problems with my older son when he was that age, but he was aenemic. I let him have cubes of wholemeal bread with nutella. He had chocolate covered raisins. There is iron in both chocolate and raisins. Fruit with custard, etc. I baked wholemeal chocolate chip banana cupcakes, etc. Pancakes with oats.

At first it sounded like she was starving herself and refusing food. Now it sounds like she would like to eat, but can only bring herself to eat certain food and you're not offering that to her?

That stood out to me too.

Is she yet at the point of being bribable? My DD1 had issues with eating (though it was the HV that was worried rather than me) and a sticker chart to get a Cinderella umbrella was v effective at almost resetting her attitude to eating. She got a sticker for having 3 mouthfuls of something new. The other thing I found was that not cooking for her worked - as she was 'rejecting' the food I'd lovingly cooked for her, it was (my GP suggested) almost personal so an area of tension. Giving her chilled meals or anything that required minimum effort (eg scrambled eggs) removed that tension.

No, outraged. She wouldn't eat chips everyday if offered. She'd still only choose to eat them some of the time but she'd be more likely to eat them than try anything new. She isn't interested in tv to distract her.

Has she ever been checked for tongue tie by somebody who knows what they are doing? Not just a quick peek in the mouth for an obvious tie.

The fussy eating coupled with lack of speech make me wonder if she might be tied.

Tied kids often have sensory issues too, although I am not sure exactly what the link is.

What else is going on? Did she breastfeed well from the beginning? Any sleep/snoring/mouth breathing issues? What shape is her palate?

GOSH have a specialist clinic for eating issues but your local child development team may run a similar group.

We have one where I work.
It is run by speech and language therapists

They introduce food as play and get the children comfortable with food.

I work with a lot of children who have difficulties eating due to trauma or illness, being tube fed or having delays.

You HV should know about this stuff. I can see why you are worried. It must be stressful for you.

She's been superficially checked for tongue tie but fed breastfed well and easily from the beginning, no breathing/snoring/sleep issues. I've tried letting her play with food - ie paint spaghetti, pasta necklaces etc but it hasn't helped at all.

No, EAT

You need to ask GP for a referral to a pediatrician. Insist on it, don't take no for an answer. The pediatrician can then keep you under his care and refer you on to a dietician/nutritionist etc

No, EAT - not bribable yet - have tried!

I know 22 lbs seems small but have you had her measured on the centiles yet? DS was only 23 lb at that age and I was amazed to find that was on his centile which was 9th, so at least I knew he was tracking that.

Loads of similar problems that age, didn't eat for weeks.

He's ok ish now, will eat a small meal at tea time.

I would just put a selection on a plate if things I knew he might eat, and things I wished he would eat so if he left bits I want getting into the habit of him refusing meals and me offering an alternative

I found the GP and HV totally pointless. I suppose they see this a lot. They kept saying he's fine, it's all fine.

Appreciate you may not want to but could you start breastfeeding again? DS was like this and it was so worrying but I continued breastfeeding him through it (I tried restricting it but it made no difference except for distressing him which made him eat even less). I later found out that breastmilk is very high in easily digested nutrients, almost like those special high nutrition milkshakes you can get for people who can't/aren't eating for whatever reason. So it's really handy if she'll take it.

DS just suddenly one day started eating, he was 22 months. Then he didn't stop - he would eat four bowls of cereal for breakfast Unfortunately in the time I was desperately trying to get him to eat he developed a rather warped idea of what was normal portion size of crisps etc - I know this sounds utterly ridiculous but I was totally desperate and my mum said maybe if we could get him to a stage where he felt full he might start realising that that was a desirable thing, he must have been hungry almost all of the time.

I also recommend this book highly: My Child Won't Eat

Dd2 went to a communication and feeding group from 6 months.

The breakthrough food for us was quavers, lol. I thought the SLT (feeding specialist) was out of her teeny tiny tree, but it worked. She was tube fed initially (hence we had a feeding SLT from birth) and her oromotor skills were pants. They aren't ever going to be as good as anyone else's, but she gets by.

I like this website new-vis.com for a sensible approach to eating issues! particularly if she does seem to have some oromotor deficiencies.

But yes, ask GP for referral to paed and specialist feeding SLT.

We went to see an NHS nutritionist once and never went back. She was patronising in the extreme.

All that said, if she's yamming chocolate cake mix, I suspect this is a maturity issue that's going to be reasonably easy to fix. Bake more, and the rest will come.

I think these days we are so tied up with the 'bad foods' idea that we are the ones restricting diets (hence my horror that quavers could possibly be any sort of solution to a dietary issue). Weaned on quavers.

Ds1 is the king of sensory issues and existed on watermelon, cheese, yoghurt and breast milk. He has still got a massive sweet tooth and hoovers any sugar supplies from around the house. He has been known to steal tubes of icing and empty them straight into his mouth. He was my baby that refused to stop bf, and wouldn't drink out of anything except me. Healthy start indeed, but it has definitely left him with a huge sweet tooth!!

Dd2 couldn't bf because of her oromotor issues, and doesn't even really like sweet things. It's very interesting!