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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm never going to get pregnant...

163 replies

Sleepswithbutterflies · 18/07/2014 10:46

Just in hospital recovering from my second egg collection - first ivf cycle failed.

The consultant has said I need a 'full review' because he thinks there's something wrong with me as well as the fact we have extreme make factor issues. We knew about the mfi which is why we went for ivf (icsi) in the first place but didnt expect my eggs to be total crap. I'm 31, ovulate every month, have good levels of follicles.
Today they've retrieved 9 eggs. Same as last time. I've already given up. I'm tempted not to bother taking the progesterone. What's the point? Sperm are crap. Eggs are crap.

And no, I don't want to adopt.

I'm so fed up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 27/07/2014 08:09

Tested again this morning with a cheapie - 9dpo (6dp3dt) and bfn. It was sensitive so know it would have picked up a bfp by now. I'm stopping progesterone and at least it means I can go swimming on holiday next week. Every cloud I guess...

The second failure has hit me harder than the first cycle.
Basically we've paid £10k for the world's most expensive period. Maybe my consultant was right. There isn't any hope. I know the chances are always against you but we aren't even getting close. All our embryos die before day 5. It's not like we are making it to blast. And even our 'best' ones are still crummy.

Is it time to give up and accept my gut feeling that I won't get pregnant?

OP posts:
JsOtherHalf · 27/07/2014 08:56

So sorry to read this :(.

Can you take a break for a while? if there is anything else in your life causing you stress, can you sort that out before making a decision?
I changed roles at work after TTC for a couple of years, which made the rest of my life much less stressful. I also had acupuncture to help me relax etc.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 27/07/2014 09:16

At the moment I don't want to try again.
I don't think it will ever be successful.

We're just going to end up a lot poorer and more miserable.

OP posts:
Flexibilityiskey · 27/07/2014 09:20

9dpo is too early to write it off. There is still plenty of reason to hope. Everything crossed for you!

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 27/07/2014 09:29

They are super sensitive tests and detect between 7-10dpo.
Sadly given that the embryos weren't great and were slow it looks much more likely that it hasn't worked.

I know logically that Im not the only one this happens to. I can see from this post that lots of people have trouble. But Im the only one of my friends that has had any problems. They've all got at least two and in several cases more than two children. Mainly two years apart (the perfect gap).
I don't believe in God anymore. Why do people that abuse their kids and neglect them have baby after baby after baby and then people that would be good parents really struggle?

OP posts:
PurpleWithaMysteryBun · 27/07/2014 09:42

Sorry your having such a hard time, but 9dpo is too early to write this one off. Everyone produces HCG differently and many people don't have adequate amounts to turn a test positive until quite late on in a cycle. Nevermind as early as 9dpo.

Try again in about 3 days and see. When are the clinic testing you?

Lauren83 · 27/07/2014 10:38

Even if they are super sensitive its a fact that some people don't implant until 13dpo anyway so no early test could pick that up, late implantation plus a couple of days to start pumping hormones out

Bogeyface · 27/07/2014 11:08

I have never tested positive before my period is due and once not until a week after it was due. Dont give up just yet, if you read the info on the tests they will say that a certain percentage of pregnancies can be detected at 7 days but that is usually around 50%, so that means that 50% of pregnancies wont be picked up early.

Keeping everything crossed.

HopefulHamster · 27/07/2014 11:38

I wouldn't stop progesterone yet. I had the faintest faintest line at 10dpo and everyone thought I was mad for testing so early. The next day I bled and I assumed it was all over. It was another week before I had a proper 'faint' positive on the cheapy sticks (which are actually more sensitive than a lot of others). I know tons of stories about people who don't test positive until they get clinic blood results back.

It may not have worked - but what if it has? You don't want to stop the progesterone too early. Thinking of you.

Sarah121 · 27/07/2014 14:13

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 27/07/2014 14:25

I will pick myself up but I will undoubtably feel sorry for myself for a few days first.

Yes I'm sure people are worse off but lots are better off too and it doesn't make me feel better knowing people are worse off anyway! It just makes me feel guilty.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 27/07/2014 14:28

This reply has been deleted

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Lauren83 · 27/07/2014 14:44

Sarah

Completely uncalled for, I'm sure there's plenty worse off than you too but that doesn't help your bitterness evidently

HopefulHamster · 27/07/2014 15:05

Sarah - what is the point of saying that? There's always someone worse off but the OP is going through real significant pain at the moment. This site is for supporting each other. Try it sometime.

Bogeyface · 27/07/2014 15:52

I have reported your post sarah under the new guidelines, I realise I will probably get deleted as well as I c&p'd it but I can live with that.

MNHQ
EllenMumsnet · 27/07/2014 16:36

Afternoon everyone. Just wanted to say thanks to all who've posted their advice, shared experiences and general support for the OP.

Don't want to be too heavy handed, but deleting one comment that has been reported as nasty (and the one where it's been copied - thanks for acknowledging this Bogeyface).

Hope things work out for you Sleepswithbutterflies and that you are well supported in RL too Thanks

ICanSeeTheSun · 27/07/2014 16:45

OP i have every thing crossed for you, even though some test claim to be super sensitive and can test a week before a missed period I would give it to Friday ( i know easier said then done)

Woobeedoo · 27/07/2014 17:11

Sleepswith,

Please please keep on with the progesterone and keep in mind there's a reason why the clinic give you a test date and tell you not to test before (no matter how much you want to).

The most sensitive of tests can still not work that early, I used an ultra sensitive test 14days after a 3 day transfer and my positive result was still very faint.

Rooting for you.

Lambzig · 27/07/2014 19:15

Oh please, please keep up with the progesterone. I had heavy bleeding so did a test, yes the cheapie ones, 13d po (11d pt) and got a BFN. Wanted to stop but clinic insisted I carried on until d15 pt and get a blood test (weekend in the way) Kept testing every day just to torture myself, all BFN, blood test came back positive and day 16 POAS was finally positive. DS (my terrible dodgy looking embryo, the only one of 8 worth putting back at day 2) is now 21 months.

Its way too early to write it off, but I do get the feeling of wanting it to be over instead of having to carry on with a bit of hope.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 28/07/2014 07:36

10dpo (7dp3dt) BFN.
I am getting fat though so I look pregnant. Thanks progesterone for that.
I'm out.
I would prefer not to return to the clinic to be patronised by my consultant. We are going to look at donor blastocyst in Europe. Probably Spain.
We know dh has problems with the sperm and if my eggs are rubbish too it seems costly and pointless to keep trying the same thing over and over again.

Thanks everyone for your support and well wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 28/07/2014 07:37

My test detects at 25mui - according to my net based research if I was pregnant it would easily be that by day 10.

OP posts:
Lambzig · 28/07/2014 08:39

You dont have to go back to the clinic, ever, but please carry on with the progesterone until your proper testing day at least.

Lauren83 · 28/07/2014 08:39

How does your logic factor in with the fact some ladies don't even implant until 13dpo? If you were an early implanter yes it would pick up, but if you implanted at most popular time of 9dpo or later it wouldn't?

Look at it like this...if you think your embies were slow what makes you think they implanted early?

So what makes you think that BFN is accurate?

I haven't tested yet I'm going back to work early to save my sanity

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 28/07/2014 08:45

We are going on holiday today so hopefully that'll take my mind off.
Good luck Lauren - you have more willpower then me.

I suppose it just feels like I'm kidding myself to think my BFN is wrong. It's far more likely I'm not pregnant. I don't feel pregnant.

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 28/07/2014 09:38

Well you wouldn't feel pregnant if you hadn't implanted, most don't get symptoms until after a BFP, it takes a couple of days after implantation for hormones to start being pumped out

Countdown to pregnancy site says at 10 DPO 33% of ladies who turned out to be pregnant tested negative at that point

A sensitive test is 10 by the way so the one you used wasn't even the most sensitive

Have a great hol, don't lose hope, I have been ttc 7 years and I'm on my 3rd ivf I know how hard it is I really do x