To think I'm never going to get pregnant...

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Just in hospital recovering from my second egg collection - first ivf cycle failed.

The consultant has said I need a 'full review' because he thinks there's something wrong with me as well as the fact we have extreme make factor issues. We knew about the mfi which is why we went for ivf (icsi) in the first place but didnt expect my eggs to be total crap. I'm 31, ovulate every month, have good levels of follicles.
Today they've retrieved 9 eggs. Same as last time. I've already given up. I'm tempted not to bother taking the progesterone. What's the point? Sperm are crap. Eggs are crap.

And no, I don't want to adopt.

I'm so fed up.

[lozster]

Six is brilliant. Lots of people have their fingers crossed for you. Hang on in there.

There are so many comments above that I agree with. Just to mention a couple - I too followed forums for years and know of few people who wanted to be parents and failed to get there via one route or another. Also, the numbers thing is a real red herring. People with large numbers seem to seldom get more fertilised eggs probably because the extra follicles contained immature eggs. You are SO not out of the game yet!

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

So we've got three 2 cells, a 3 cell and a 4 cell.

Not great.
I reckon the 4 cell will pack up overnight tonight.

Basically we have no chance.

They want me to have transfer tomorrow if there is anything to transfer.
We won't try again when this fails, my eggs are obviously utter crap.

[hels71]

My 3 cell dot is currently flapping around getting ready for a ballet exam. Don't give up yet. All you need is one tough one and you are there....and mine must have been tough....sending hugs and positive thoughts and things your way. Maybe think about changing clinics??? Where abouts are you???

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

It just doesn't seem to suggest very good quality. This is the second time this has happened.

We would maybe look at donor eggs and possibly donor sperm too but it would mean a trip to Spain.
Clinic basically think we are a lost cause.

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

We are in the midlands.

[Cranfieldmc]

Sleeps, I have been watching your posts over the last few days and been rooting for you. I hope there good embies (not sure if you will put back one or two) to transfer tomorrow. Keep thinking as positively as you can and be good to yourself during the 2ww.

Your clinic sound awful. If you do need to go through this again, please pm me as I know/have experienced a number of great ones (high success results, positive staff and thinking outside the box). Also, sorry I know this is not the point of your thread but having 3 DC conceived by donor the topic is dear to me, please think carefully before going to Spain for donor eggs, there are plenty of uk clinics with no or low waiting lists for donor eggs at the moment (despite what your clinic may have told you) and you may save your future children being in the difficult position of having an unidentifiable donor.
Good luck and baby dust. X

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Thank you Cranfield - the clinic told me it would be at least 4 years for a donor. Is that not necessarily true? Are all you children conceived from uk donor eggs? I'm glad you had success x x

If possible we will transfer 2. It's not helped that I've got to go on my own as dh has a meeting. I found transfer more traumatic than egg collection last time as at least I was knocked out for egg collection!

[Cranfieldmc]

Hi there, really sorry you have to go on your own. I agree transfer can be quite uncomfortable plus you may have to make last minute decisions re what to do with embies. Assume DH can't be persuaded to miss meeting or is there anyone else that could stand in and come with you? On the positive side my two successful pregnancies have all come from transfers when DH couldn't be there.

Re the UK egg donor availability see the post below from DCN founder member Olivia. Your clinic saying there is a 4 year wait without suggesting you go elsewhere has further convinced me that it might not be employing best practice.

oliviasview.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/egg-donors-are-available-in-many-uk-clinics/

[lozster]

Poor you being alone tomorrow. I hated transfer too so I know how you feel. Don't write it all off yet. Good luck - and stay strong :-)

[hels71]

Thinking of you today x

[plinkyplonks]

Best of luck today!

[OlderMummy1]

May I ask which clinic in the Midlands you are with? We are in the Midlands and my sister had to have egg collection a few years ago after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer as the chemo would make her infertile. The NHS clinics wouldn't touch her with a barge pole as she had severe PCOS (never had a period) and had 10 days in which to complete the egg collection cycle before she HAD to start chemo to attempt to save her life. Her private clinic was amazing! Said they were used to dealing with difficult cases. 5 years later she is alive, cancer free, married and has a little baby. Maybe it is the clinic that is the problem, not you xx

[Phoenix2014]

Sleeps, will pm you
Best of luck for today and don't let a moody consultant's lack of professionalism (apalling timing to be talking like that) get you down.
Take care and get lots of rest and relaxation.

[Needaninsight]

I dont have any experience of this..but reading your posts..makes me think it's the clinic that needs sorting out!

You sound pretty down too (understandably) but please try to remain positive. Maybe if this round doesnt work you could take some time out for you. No baby work. Youre still very young (I had my first naturally at 38) so please dont lose hope. I lost our first baby quite late on..and I was 37 at the time. Honestly thought that was my last chance. A holiday and some time for me to not stress worked wonders. In my case, it was true what they say..when you stop making it so important and all consuming, then you get pg

[Teds77]

We started our ICSI journey because of male factor but it turned out I had 'rubbish' eggs and wrinkly ovaries. 1st attempt we got 3 eggs, 2 fertilised but only to become poor quality embryos and I didn't get pregnant. The consultant told us we were 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' when it came to my eggs and he helpfully drew us a picture to illustrate this point...

We went to a different clinic (recommended by another mumsnetter who told me a similar tale) and the consultant said it might not happen straight away but at 32 I was still young and she would get us pregnant. She very sensibly pointed out that I had 100s eggs and to make a judgement based on only 3 of them seemed a bit rash.

Our 2nd ICSI attempt still only produced 3 eggs and then 2 embryos. Maybe it's because they came from right at the bottom of the barrel those two little balls of cells insist on getting up at 5.30am every day. But this morning it means we have plenty of time together to celebrate their 2nd birthday!

I hope all goes well today. The journey can be tough and there are some very very dark days but I wish you all the strength in the world and the knowledge that many of us on here have walked this way before and we did get our happy endings x.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

Op wishing you all the luck in the world, hope the IVF works.

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Happy birthday to your twins Teds!

I'm at the priory - if anyone has recommendations re clinics please please pm me.
Have just seen the consultant - he couldn't remember who I was and only saw me on Friday so doubt he had 'spent a lot of time thinking about me' as he originally stated.

Am now waiting. Am cross it is so early because it won't have been 72 hours since fertilisation but I think they've done that on purpose so they can say my 4 cell might still divide. It won't. I'm tempted not to have any put back. They apparently couldn't fit me in any later that 9am but I've been told to wait because 'they are busy with other things.' I think I might wet myself!!! Embarrassing!! I should have known better than to drink anything yet, they were an hour late at egg transfer last time.

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

And thank you all so much for your kind thoughts x x

[JsOtherHalf]

Thinking of you.

[HopefulHamster]

Good luck - I've had two pregnancies only 48 hours from fert so it is possible!

The full bladder feeling is AWFUL. I had to release some twice while waiting last time. They didn't think I could manage to let go just a bit but I had to and bladder was still massively full during the process. I asked if anyone had ever weed on the table and apparently they're used to it. Urk!

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Managed not to wee! They were running an hour and a half late in the end so it would have served them right if I had weed on them.

We have a grade 2 six cell and a grade 1 seven cell. They obviously aren't ideal but the embryologist said the 7 looked like it would go to 8 if given a little longer. The other three remained at 4 cell but all have divided since yesterday so they will see how they get on. I'm not anticipating them making it much further but I guess you never know.

And apparently my eggs looked great! No thick shell completely normal. Put that in your pipe and smoke it dr 'I think there's lots of issues'
Have to say in fairness nurses have been lovely. It was the dr saying five mins before egg collection that he thought there were problems that upset me.

So now it's a waiting game. Embryologist put chances at about 30% (think she always says that) so am resting now as sore again. I know it probably still won't work but I'm pleased my eggs look normal.
I'm easily pleased nowadays.

I remembered when I came out that I meant to ask about embryo glue and forgot. Has anyone had this and does it improve chances much? X x

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes, keep hoping for me!

[Whatutalkinboutwillis]

Good luck to you sweetheart. 6 Ivf's here, never got many eggs on any cycle and all my perfect looking embryos never took. My dodgy looking frozen 4 cell though is now 7 years old, I pray you get a good outcome xx

[HopefulHamster]

Fingers crossed, seems promising!

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Thank you.
I was just glad they hadn't stayed where they were. Obviously now they have to keep dividing and implant... It's probably a big ask but they were better than last time at least. Less fragmentation and more cells.

[Lambzig]

Oh my goodness, that sounds like good progress and you need to keep your spirits up and get destracted. Try and visualise them implanting (I am never sure if I believe in that stuff, but its worth a try). Sounds very promising.

Are you good at keeping yourself distracted during the 2ww?.

I will pm you re clinics, but sounds like you wont need them.