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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DP shouldn't have gone out - even for '10 mins'?

118 replies

unlucky83 · 17/07/2014 21:00

This evening I let DD2 (7) go to the playing field at 7pm for 30 mins with two friends (both just 8) ... about 5 min walk away, pretty safe quiet area but still across a main road and a side road...first time I've let her go without an adult/older sibling....

We needed bread and milk from the shop (DP forgot to get earlier)...about 5 min drive away.
Told DP I would get it and check on DD2 on the way - maybe let her stay a bit longer as I knew one of the other children needed to be home by 8pm anyway. So after 20 mins I told DP I was going and he reminded me to check on DD2! Hmm.
Saw DD2 told her she could stay until 8pm -at same time we saw another of her friends with her parent and we had a chat etc...so I was out a bit longer than I planned. Then I went to shop. Coming back saw DP drive past me! He waved etc...I was Shock.
He came back just after 8pm... his friend had lost something and asked DP to check he hadn't left it somewhere they had been earlier...
I said he shouldn't have gone out ... left no adult at home - what if she had an accident etc...
What if my car had broken down etc - he should have waited till I got home...

He said there was no reason for him to stay in when DD2 was out!
And it was only for 10 mins anyway (actually more like 20!) and not as if house was locked up - DD1 (13) was at home...

So who is BU? Am I overreacting? I know the likelihood of something happening was minimal...but I think he should have waited for me to get home...not like it was an emergency...
You just can't disappear off somewhere because your DC is playing out???

OP posts:
monsterowl · 17/07/2014 21:15

Oops, sorry about the last post. I would say that leaving a 7-year-old to play in a public area 5 mins away is riskier than leaving a 13-year-old to cope on the offchance that something happens to the 7-year-old. I'd be more worried about something happening that would leave the younger child unable to run home.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 17/07/2014 21:15

What would you say again monsterowl? I didn't quite catch that Grin

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2014 21:16

I'm more Shock at the 7 year-old playing 5 minutes away, out of sight across a main road at 7pm.

But that's just me.

monsterowl · 17/07/2014 21:17

LOL PollyCazaletWannabe Grin

God knows what happened there!

titchy · 17/07/2014 21:17

Yabu for letting a 7 year old be out unsupervised. Yabu for not letting your 13 year old take charge in the event said 7 year old had an accident. Does your older one never look after the younger one?

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2014 21:18

I would say that leaving

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2014 21:18

Sorry, just didn't want to be left out Grin

OwlCapone · 17/07/2014 21:21

YABU.

I'm a little surprised at your skewed idea of what is deemed OK TBH. It's OK to let a 7 yr old cross a main road plus one other road and play in a park with only two 8 yr olds for company yet it isn't OK for him to go out leaving. 13 yr old at home and able to contact someone in an emergency.

if anything had happened it would have been up to the 13 yo to deal with it ...and DP thought that was fine...

Well, you thought it was OK that three 7/8 yr olds would have to deal with anything that happened so I'm not sure you have a leg to stand on!

WhereTheWildlingsAre · 17/07/2014 21:21

I would expect a 13 year old to more than ok for 10 minutes. YABU

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 17/07/2014 21:22

I think if you were that concerned about 'anything happening' to your 7 year old you should not have let her stay out until 8pm. That's the issue. I think YWBU to let your 7 year old stay out so late. I don't think the issue is whether your DP was home in case anything happened to DD. The issue was whether your DD was safe being out till 8pm unsupervised by a responsible adult.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 17/07/2014 21:23

So your DD2 was out with two eight-year-olds; if something had happened it would have been up to them to do something about it, and that's fine, but if she'd come home and something happened and the 13yo had to deal with it for five minutes (given that you have a phone and were only five minutes' drive away) that would be totally unacceptable?

If you are OK with your DD2 going to the playing field, then I think it was fine for your DP to go out given that (a) the 13yo was at home and (b) a responsible parent was only 5 minutes away.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 17/07/2014 21:24

Worra Grin

To contribute to the thread: YABU OP. Your 13 year old could easily have contacted you in an emergency.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 17/07/2014 21:25

For the reasons already given YABVU.

SocialMediaAddict · 17/07/2014 21:25

I think you are being totally unreasonable. And I think 7 is far too young to be out unsupervised with a busy road to get home. That's mad.

purpleroses · 17/07/2014 21:28

I can't see a problem with leaving a 13 year old in charge of a 7 year old for a short bit of time

littlejohnnydory · 17/07/2014 21:28

What emergency could have happened that would require him to be in the house? If dd2 could get home, then surely it isn't that big an emergency - and if she's old enough to go to the park then she is old enough to be left with a 13 year old for five minutes, surely?

If she couldn't get home, then his being in the house is no different to being very nearby in the car?

VioletHare · 17/07/2014 21:29

If you wouldn't leave your 7 year old at home alone for ten minutes, or at home with a 13 year old, you shouldn't let them walk around, crossing main roads at 7pm at night.

YABU. DS1 is coming up for 7 and I don't think that's old enough to be let out until 8pm, 5 mins away across a main road.

wannaBe · 17/07/2014 21:32

personally I think seven is far too young to be playing out unsupervised across a main road until 8 PM so compared to this the rest pales in o insignificance.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/07/2014 21:34

Im ambivalent tbh. In a way, YANBU, I can see why you were worried/ annoyed.
But also YAbu.
Because you were checking on 7yo. And your 13 you was at home.
But i think it highlights that you might not actually have been comfortable with letting her play out (I think 7 is a bit young personally, but I'm possibly more cautious that most MNErs)
But, why did he have such ants in his pants? Why did he have to go out?

Original poster
unlucky83 · 17/07/2014 21:34

Really did make a hash of that OP ...
I was nervous of letting the 7yo do what she did - these two friends do this a lot and I am always a bit Hmm ...hard to say no you can't when her friends do it all the time...and they are there when she asks!!!!

Which is why I checked on her - made sure they were where they were supposed to be, there weren't any older children around etc... If anything I thought DP might walk along there anyway ...or send DD1 for another check...

(Main road has a pedestrian crossing -and is relatively quiet. It is on the way to school and she has practised using it - she won't start to cross until a car has completely stopped )

I was already later back then he would have expected - cos I had been talking to the other parent....when he left he didn't know where I was...in fact I did nearly run another errand when I was out - cos DP was home...Hmm

And if she had hurt herself etc DD1 could have phoned me- (DP never answers and in fact has no credit - apparently) but I could have had a flat tyre etc - reason I wasn't back...

OP posts:
mummy1973 · 17/07/2014 21:35

What wannabe said. Yabu

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/07/2014 21:35

Just read the reason for his leaving the house.
Seems a bit lame. I wouldn't have done that if my child was out alone for the first time. It definitely could have waited, no?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/07/2014 21:37

Well at least he manages to answer his phone to his friend eh.

Original poster
unlucky83 · 17/07/2014 21:40

His friend had phoned the house phone! Think his mobile is broken tbh... got wet and now keeps reverting to 'airplane mode'...

OP posts:
Sirzy · 17/07/2014 21:41

If something had happened surely it would have been other children of around the age of 7 you would have been trusting to deal with it initally? So if you can trust them to help then why wouldn't you trust a 13 year old?