Why can't our neighbours go to the back of their garden to smoke?

[shadypines]

They have a large garden and could easily walk away from the house to light up so that the smoke doesn't all blow into our windows. It's horrible and in this sweltering weather it means we either boil in 'fresh' air or have some cooler smoky air. Great. Just great.

I hate smoking. My dp even gave up to be with me however i still think yabu. Id never ask my neighbour to do this.
As for ikea, i really hope your neighbours are logging all these incidents as they could state you are harrassing them.
Really glad you're not my neighbour you sound horrible to live next too.

Being serious for a moment though Ikea - I know you're jolly pleased with yourself there, but reality is calling. If you think allowing your child to bang on your neighbours wall at 5 am, and covering your own balcony in broken junk and bird shit is justifiable behaviour, because they smoke on their own property and you don't like it, then there is something intrinsically wrong with you. Something that stretches way beyond any cigarette smoke wafting in your window.
You are going to end up with a visit from environmental health, or a sore face. Or possibly both.
You are not teaching them a lesson, you are harassing them. Get a grip.

I'd rather live next door to a hundred smokers than some fucking nutjob who encourages their dc to be antisocial. And I wouldn't dare say I worry for dc's health when I've chosen to bring them up in some junk filled, stinking, bird shit covered home. The time for some sort of peaceful resolution has probably long since passed, well done.

Nothing I have done is illegal, my child isn't affected by the bird poo as we don't go outside or have the windows open, if anything it's nice for my child as I'm not constantly sushing him when he wakes early. The inside of our home is not in anyway affected by the bird poo. The noise we make is considerably less than some of our neighbours ( not the smoking ones) and the other neighbours tend to make noise which is actually banned ( late night parties rather than children playing.)

I have reconsidered doing the things which could actually be seen as abusive, the shouting and leaving fish there, everything else would seem ridiculous to report, you can't report a messy balcony or feeding the birds or children playing.

Those of you that said they would punch me, that would be very stupid, you would be the one who ended up with a criminal record, you can't just go around assaulting people because they piss you off.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Letting your son make noise in the early hours just because a different neighbour makes noise in the evenings makes you no better than them. You need to step back and think about what you are doing, because right now you come across as a rather bitter and twisted person, which I'm sure cannot be true.

Ikea that just seems a very sad way to be. It cant make for a happy life if your thinking about your neighbours to this extent and planning anti social behaviour to inflict on them.
Maybe take a step back from it all.
If you cleared the balcony and started using it and in conversation mentioned the smoking it could well stop.
Filling your balcony with junk and bird shut is just asking for a visit from Environmental Health.

The noise isn't because another neighbour has loud parties, the parties don't bother us at all, I just think the smoking neighbours would report the parties before they reported very early morning child playing/screeching/tv on noise as 2 am loud party noise is not allowed whereas 6am Mr tumble ( our tv is attached to the adjoining wall) banging and shouting I think is unlikely to trigger a visit from the noise police especially as we live in Sweden and children are allowed to do pretty much as they please.

It is hard work being a considerate neighbour when you live so close to other people especially if you an antisocial aspect to your lifestyle like smoking, a small child or a liking for late night parties, I do not see why I should put effort in to minimise the impact my familiy has on the smoking neighbours when they know their smoking effects us and they are unwilling to change their habbits.

In a way it is quite nice to not give a fuck about the impact our life has on our neighbours, we have installed air conditioning on the side of the apartment where we can't open the windows and we use the communal garden instead of the balcony, it feels like great to have a side of the apartment ( the one adjoining their home) where we can live like we have no neighbours, it will be especially useful when the new baby is born, me and the new baby will sleep in that room as a screaming baby will disturb someone and I'd much prefer it was them rather than the lovely neighbour who lives on the other side of us.

It would piss me off.

I'm glad you are backtracking now. I suppose you realise how unreasonable you are. Exaggerating just made you sound unhinged. Look, unless your neighbour is sitting right next to your DS when he is smoking then it won't be affecting his health. There will be no more toxins breathed in than the normal, daily amounts we all have. Having a child with asthma is a huge concern I know, but it is unlikely your neighbour is contributing to it.

Stop the pathetic PA acts of revenge and go and talk to your neighbour FFS. This sort of behaviour is so childish.

Having said that, I do wonder why it is acceptable for a smoking neighbour to inflict their smoke on others but not for a non smoking neighbour to inflict some other unpleasant behaviour on them.

I occasionally get the smell of smoke from my next door but one neighbour (no, I've no idea how it drifts so far but it does!). I find the smell utterly repellent and need to shut the windows. This is also the neighbour who came into my garden to trim his hedge and, whilst here, smoked a cigarette and dropped the butt in my garden. This was deemed acceptable by a good proportion of MNers . Anyway, I haven't said anything to him about smoking at all I've just not allowed him in to trim his hedge again.

i dont smoke, and have never been a smoker. Of course i can smell it if people are smoking around me but unless we are indoors and in the same room, its just a smell. I think people have a psychological issue sometimes here, maybe because of media campaigns or because theyre ex smokers and had to convince themselves it was terrible.

Outdoors it just becomes a smell, like one of a hundred different smells.

Id be much more concerned about the person who puts rotten carcasses on their balcony so nobody else can go out there just becauae one neighbour smokes. I think smokers have by and large complied with so many restrictions in recent years. Youve got to have a bit of live and let live too

The last time he stayed in hospital the Dr advised that he wasn't even held by someone who had smoked and under no circumstances should he be around smoke. Possibly she was a very anti-smoking Dr, the first thing she asked us was if me or dp smoked but I feel it would be unwise to ignore her advice.

I think that screaming at them and having rotting fish would be unreasonable but I don't think having junk and feeding birds and letting my children be noisy early in the morning is any more unreasonable than them smoking when they know the smoke comes into our home. Ideally we would all be considerate to each otherbut they are not willing to be considerate so neither am I, I know that two wrongs don't make a right, it is my mother's favorite saying, my reply is always "yes I know it doesn't make it right but it makes me feel better".

Ikea I've seen you on other threads and remembered your nick, you seemed like a really nice person so I'm a bit taken aback by this. Have your neighbours really only been smoking or have they done other things to piss you off cos you seem super angry at them?

OP, YABU because it's their garden - I am a bit weird ,don't smoke but like the smell of cigarette smoke (when it is fresh not ingrained in walls, carpets and clothes) so your neighbours wouldn't bother me at all. However although the polite thing to do would be to move as it bothers you, it is their garden when it comes down to it and I suspect they will point this out to you if you request they move.

It's their garden.They can smoke where they like in it.

Just quoting the above as one example of many posts that spectacularly miss the point. Yes, no-one questions that legally they can smoke wherever they like in their garden. However, there is a general expectation that neighbours will be considerate of each other. Why would you smoke somewhere where it would make other people's lives miserable when you could move a few yards and avoid that?

Equally missing the point are the people who say OP should close her windows. You have noticed the valid point she makes about the weather, haven't you? And by the time someone has smelt the smoke and got across to close the windows, much of the damage is done. Why should you have to be alert to leap across the room to close windows and then open them again maybe 20, 30 or 40 times a day?

And the other non-argument is the classic "look over there" one of referring to pollution from cars. It's simply irrelevant. Very few people drive cars purely for pleasure and none, so far as I'm aware, because of an addiction they have chosen to get themselves into. But even if motorists are evil bastards, why is it justifiable to add to the pollution they cause?

So Icimoi you're basically saying smokers shouldn't smoke?

why don't people smoke in their houses though?

Dh smokes, I don't. He smokes outside because 1] I don't like it, 2] I don't see why the girls should be subjected to it, 3] I don't want my house to smell like an ashtray!

They stopped people smoking in cinemas and on planes, then they stopped them smoking in restaurants, pubs, and workplaces ... It's a big change which has been accelerating in recent years, and if you push for more and more and quicker and quicker change, you risk pissing off people who feel they are already going to great lengths to avoid their habit having an impact on other people.

In general, smokers aren't going to these lengths to help other people, they are doing it because it's the law. If it were reversed tomorrow, do you seriously think all these people would still obediently troop outside to smoke?

I remember the bad old days only too well - restaurant meals being ruined because of idiots who couldn't get through two courses without lighting up, coming home from a pub or party with your hair and clothes stinking of smoke, sitting in office meetings and railway carriages with your eyes smarting from the fug all around. To be honest, after years of that it's never bothered me too much that smokers might feel a fraction of the pissed-offness that I felt.

Ikea, have you explained your DC's health condition to
Your neighbours?

So Icimoi you're basically saying smokers shouldn't smoke?

LST, do try reading the post you're replying to. What I said was "Why would you smoke somewhere where it would make other people's lives miserable when you could move a few yards and avoid that?" How do you manage to interpret that as "smokers shouldn't smoke"?

At the very least, they might be able to tap on the wall when going out and tap again when coming back in so you know when to close windows?

Ikea doesn't sound "unhinged", she just sounds like she's fed up of inconsiderate neighbours affecting her dc heath.

Having lived in Australia for almost 10yrs now, I can honesty say that the best way too keep cool on sweltering days is to keep windows/doors CLOSED as much as possible & keep curtains/blinds closed too.

I learnt this through experience, and can say, hand on heart, that my house is hotter if I have window open during the hot months. Because open windows just let more hot air in! Also, I don't need to put the air conditioning on so soon either.

No one I know of opens their windows here in Summer. I have never seen an open window in summer. Once the sun goes down it is quite common for people to open their front/back doors to let cooler air in. But hardly ever do I see an open door in summer.

shockingly I do think that the smoking issue is quite out of character for me, I like to think that we are mostlyconsiderate and neighborly, I take berries/mushrooms round to the neighbours when we pick them, I invite the children from downstairs up to our apartment to bake cakes, when the party animal neighbours mention the noise from their parties I just tell them it's nice to hear them having fun. The smoking neighbours really have only smoked, we never see them, they have a different entrance to us so we never bump into them.

I don't think I'm even especially pfb, ds is usually the child at the top of the climbing frame or jumping off high things, I have never sterilized anything, we took him to A+E the other day, it was baking hot but we'd left both pairs of ds's summer shoes at different friend's houses so he had wellies on, the Dr looked out of the window and asked if it had been raining and did this face

I'm possibly overly worried about the smoking because seeing my ds struggling to breathe is terrifying, he has had breathing difficulties on and off since he was tiny and I will do anything I can to prevent him being exposed to things that may make his breathing worse. I think this is why I feel so angry with these neighbours and I also think it is my pregnancy hormones that are making me feel angry, last summer I just accepted we would have to keep the windows closed but also didn't try to be considerate to the neighbours.

I believe if I asked aibu to let my toddler bang his musical instruments on the wall at 5am every reply would be yabu, but the majority of replies with smoking say they can do what they like in their own garden, it's not dangerous. We own the wall so the logic should follow that we can do as we please with the wall regardless of how other people's living space is affected.

Differentname, climatic conditions in Australia aren't the same as in the UK. Generally over here what is needed to keep cool is open windows and closed or half closed blinds and curtains on the side of the house where the sun is.

I will do anything I can to prevent him being exposed to things that may make his breathing worse

Clear up the bird shit then!