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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit naffed off at the people who did nothing

232 replies

Loveneverfails · 16/07/2014 15:53

Basically,

there is only one shop in the place I live.

A property is being renovated just along from it.

On the way home today, we spotted an old man lying on the pavement (about 2pm), in between the shop and property.

His zimmer was beside him. It was clear he was in pain and the zimmer was broken.

We stopped the car and got out.

Clearly the old boy had had a tipple but equally clearly his zimmer was broken (one wheel sheered off and no where to be seen). He was in a dreadful state, smelly, dirty, on the pavement. Calm but still, on the pavement! Could say his name and where he lived and that he was just out of hospital with a broken hip.

Builders came out and said - we offered to get him up an hour ago he said no. They told me the local shop keep selling him booze when he toddles along for it.

People were walking past him and us and not saying a word ?!

AIBU to think he is a human being, was clearly in pain, was filthy and smelly (builders commented on it) and people should not be just walking on by Shock. REALLY? they left him there because he didn't want help - could they not have called an ambulance?

We got an ambulance.

He was taken away. I think his hip may be broken again :(

We also arranged local district nurse to bring him a zimmer if he doesnt get one given to him in the hosp, and spoke with his GP.

Took about two hours of our time but I will sleep tonight!

I was also sad cos the builders were laughing taking pics of him on the pavement Sad

OP posts:
BirdhouseInYourSoul · 16/07/2014 20:45

ICanSeeTheSun that's a good link.

Ataxia really is a difficult condition to deal with and most people have never heard of it so are often sceptical after being told my mum isn't drunk.

You really can never be certain that a person is drunk but even if you suspect they are why does that give you the right to deem them unworthy of help?

Very worrying that our society is heading that way tbh.

DoJo · 16/07/2014 20:49

I called an ambulance for a homeless guy who spent a lot of time in the park opposite my house once - his friend had come to the door because I sometimes chatted to them and made them sandwiches, and my house mate had turned him away! He came back when he saw my housemate go out and asked me for help, so I called an ambulance and gave him some money to get a cab home because he was worried he would be released and stuck on the other side of town from his girlfriend.

A few days later he came to my house to return the money, which I refused of course, and I then learned that he was actually quite the philosopher (classically trained as opposed to drunken pontificating) and we had some pretty interesting conversations until I moved away. He also stopped one of the other homeless guys from shitting in the bin at the park, which was a blessed relief for everyone in the area!

PhaedraIsMyName · 16/07/2014 21:03

People with diabetes whose blood sugar is in their boots can be aggressive

Quite surprisingly so. It's astonishing the first v time you see it.

Pilgit · 16/07/2014 21:45

You did the right thing and I would do the same. This thread made me pick up the phone to my dad. This could've been him. Yes, I rang to check it wasn't!

Those who walked away - where was their compassion? One day that could be them.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 16/07/2014 23:07

Was out at a friends tonight and noticed an ambulance driving (then stop) in front of the old gents house (dropping him off at half ten at night though? sheesh.

Anyway, hubby has gone over to see if he needs a cup of tea or anything before his bed.

We will keep an eye out for him from now on :)

He obvs has not re-broken his hip or done any serious damage, so that's good!

Thanks for all your replies. Has been heartening to read your responses.

OP posts:
GobbolinoCat · 16/07/2014 23:10

not read the thread but well done op, well done...this could be my dad your talking about! poor old boy, hope he is ok...

GobbolinoCat · 16/07/2014 23:11

This thread made me pick up the phone to my dad. This could've been him. Yes, I rang to check it wasn't!

x post pilgit!

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/07/2014 23:18

Yanbu at all. It worries me how little people care now. I would stop to help.

Last time I stopped to help someone it was an elderly lady who was clearly becoming agitated that the lifts she was standing next to only went down (to a carpark underneath a shopping centre), she wasn't to go up. People were just merrily ignoring her.

I took her to the lifts she needed and she told me she had got in the lifts more than once only to find that they only went down, that she had tried to speak to people to ask and they had ignored her. This shopping centre is new and massive. It covers a lot of ground that looked utterly different when I was 15 (10 years ago) never mind what it looked like when a person in their 70's was younger. I was embarrassed at how grateful she was I'd walked her to the right ones. She wasn't hurt but...it was 3 minutes out of my day, it still bothers me that she had to wait so long. Such a small thing to do.

People can be so selfish.

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/07/2014 23:19

There was nothing wrong (as far as I could tell) with this lady in terms of faculties. She'd just become frustrated in the shopping centre and at being solidly ignored by people.

Original poster
Loveneverfails · 16/07/2014 23:21

OH MY WORDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Hubby just got back FROM HIS HOUSE.

Ambulance drivers dropped old fella off. Hubby was there too.

Old chap lives up a steep set of stairs into a first floor flat.

When they all went in..... It is a flat with basically nothing in it, he sleeps on the floor (NO mattresss). There are no floor coverings.

They emptied two bit pans of stinking pee urine that he obviously uses as a loo in the front room - as he said he is 'crawling around the flat', post operation.

OH MY WORD.

I am going to ring the doctors surgery again first thing tomorrow ShockSad

Hubby said he wouldn't have believed it if he had not seen it with his own eyes.

OP posts:
captainproton · 16/07/2014 23:21

Sorry no I couldn't help a drunk in the way OP did, and no I probably wouldn't phone an ambulance.

It's ok to act all high and mighty on MN, but until you've been attacked by an aggressive drunk don't judge everyone the same for walking by.

captainproton · 16/07/2014 23:27

Becareful OP if this person is a genuine alcoholic then no matter what you do they will never change. My mother's flat was a similar hell hole, she latched on to anyone who was worried for her. She would turn up at their houses, ask for money, favours etc. Then get violent if she didn't get her own way.

You may find this person is well known to local healthcare teams and they may not be oh so willing to put themselves out for this man.

I talk from experience of begging social services / GP / hospitals etc. They don't want to help people that don't want to help themselves. They will only step in during life-threatening situations.

MasqueradeWaltzer · 16/07/2014 23:28

Haven't RTFT but am quite impressed by zippey's ability to reference the parable of the Good Samaritan with no apparent sense of irony.

Well fucking done.

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/07/2014 23:28

captain

The man in question was not "aggressive".

The NHS does not have the luxury of picking and choosing who they are willing to provide care to.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/07/2014 23:36

Oh it's lovely isn't it, always a reason not to help, always a reason to victim blame and walk on the other side. Skivvers til proven innocent, lovely.

Anyway, well done. Re your last post, phone adult social services and explain what you saw and how long is was lying on the pavement. Doctors can provide medical care, but it sounds like its social care that he needs.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/07/2014 23:38

I would keep a careful balance as per Captains post.

It's your responsibility to ensure you alert all the right community sevices, and don't try and deal with a complex social and medical case on your own as you'll end up drowning in it and also not making a difference!

captainproton · 16/07/2014 23:47

Alisvolatpropiis well no offence but having tried for many years to get anyone to look after my mother I don't agree with you. They would admit her if her blood Alcohol was dangerously high but then once she was sober she was free to do it over and over again. I admire your faith in the NHS I lost it many years ago for this very reason.

My mother never started off aggressive. She would be sweet lady who span a good yarn to get help. Everyone in the end would try to get her to stop drinking / try and get support but she didn't want it and that's when the aggression starts.

For instance mother fell flat on her face and broke her nose. Blood everywhere. She called my uncle, who runs around to help her, he wants to take her to hospital she doesn't want to go because they'll make her sober up as inpatient. She tells her brother if you take me to hospital / call a doctor I will tell them you broke my nose. My uncle realised he had no way of proving that he hadn't.

I'm only warning OP to be careful none of us know this man well enough to say.

Iownafourinchporsche · 16/07/2014 23:50

I would have called an ambulance and waited. He's obviously a vulnerable adult and should be treated as one

GarlicJulyKit · 16/07/2014 23:51

Erm, OP hasn't adopted this man. She was outraged that a helpless person was left to suffer in plain sight, even used as entertainment, while nobody tried to get help. She offered human contact & made a phone call. That's it. His life problems aren't her concern - his emergency was everyone's concern, or should have been.

GarlicJulyKit · 16/07/2014 23:54

Oops, hadn't seen your update, Love! YY, do call social services and good for you & DH.

But, umm, don't adopt him Wink

captainproton · 16/07/2014 23:55

Garlic, her hubby has just been to this man's flat...

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/07/2014 23:58

And final point:

I do understand why someone would be wary/ scared of an unpredictable raving drunk (not the man in this post), but I fail to understand how calling an ambulance endangers the person calling?

EBearhug · 17/07/2014 00:28

It's ok to act all high and mighty on MN, but until you've been attacked by an aggressive drunk don't judge everyone the same for walking by.

Some people have been and would still stop, so yes, I will judge those who won't even make a phone call.

I'm a first aider partly because I would hate to come across someone who needed help and I didn't even know where to start. I have stopped and helped people who have fallen in the street. One was very drunk - I think if the bloke with me had tried to help, it would have kicked off, but it was okay for a woman to hold him up and get him out of the road.

I'd do it again, because I remember how it felt when I was going to work on the Tube, and came over faint, so sat on the floor, to avoid falling onto anyone and causing injury. No one asked if I was okay, just stepped over me and tutted. If I can do something to stop others feeling the way I did, then it's worth the risk of sometimes getting it wrong.

It's just how I was brought up, too. I remember once coming home, and there had clearly been a nasty crash just outside our turning, and I could see a body under a blanket, and my father's Landrover there. I was very relieved to see him round the other side, directing traffic. (The body was not dead, but unconscious, and later recovered.)

I just think it's best to do as you would be done by.

EBearhug · 17/07/2014 00:31

if this person is a genuine alcoholic then no matter what you do they will never change.

They can if they really decide to. My mother was dry for 8 years before she died. But they have to decide themselves.

ShakyTheStork · 17/07/2014 00:37

I have stopped twice and helped.

The first time I was working at a weekend and went to McDonald's drive through for my lunch. I pulled into the carpark and was happily eating my burger on my lunch break, I heard a woman shouting "help! Help!". I got of of my car and went over. Her 30 yr old son, who had learning difficulties and a spinal disability (she told me be had pins in his back and learning difficulties), was choking on his burger. I had to climb in the drivers seat (after turning him round so his feet were out of the passenger door) and perform the heimlich maneouver/abdominal thrust. I had to do it 3 times until a huge lump of burger shot out. He was turning blue but got his colour back remarkably quickly afterwards.

The second time I was driving home after being called out for Z homebirth. Worked a 17 hr day. Stuck in traffic and eventually can to a motor bike accident. Woman had been going really only as stuck in traffic and so wobbled off her bike. There were people already with her but I got out and stayed with her until the ambulance arrived. I was glad I stayed as people were trying to take off her helmet and were talking about how to lift her to get her out of the road.

I could never, ever walk past someone in obvious pain or distress Sad