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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit naffed off at the people who did nothing

232 replies

Loveneverfails · 16/07/2014 15:53

Basically,

there is only one shop in the place I live.

A property is being renovated just along from it.

On the way home today, we spotted an old man lying on the pavement (about 2pm), in between the shop and property.

His zimmer was beside him. It was clear he was in pain and the zimmer was broken.

We stopped the car and got out.

Clearly the old boy had had a tipple but equally clearly his zimmer was broken (one wheel sheered off and no where to be seen). He was in a dreadful state, smelly, dirty, on the pavement. Calm but still, on the pavement! Could say his name and where he lived and that he was just out of hospital with a broken hip.

Builders came out and said - we offered to get him up an hour ago he said no. They told me the local shop keep selling him booze when he toddles along for it.

People were walking past him and us and not saying a word ?!

AIBU to think he is a human being, was clearly in pain, was filthy and smelly (builders commented on it) and people should not be just walking on by Shock. REALLY? they left him there because he didn't want help - could they not have called an ambulance?

We got an ambulance.

He was taken away. I think his hip may be broken again :(

We also arranged local district nurse to bring him a zimmer if he doesnt get one given to him in the hosp, and spoke with his GP.

Took about two hours of our time but I will sleep tonight!

I was also sad cos the builders were laughing taking pics of him on the pavement Sad

OP posts:
LithaR · 16/07/2014 18:36

I've helped several people who have been in a similar situation. I could never walk past. Even after getting punched in the face once.

I've even been helped, dislocated ankle and a taxi driver stopping and taking me to a & e for free.

GarlicJulyKit · 16/07/2014 18:39

Shock Coco!

NewtRipley · 16/07/2014 18:45

zippey

Can you tell the difference bewteen dementia and being drunk?

Or a head injury and being drunk?

Does it really matter if he was drunk?

Quoting the Bystander Effect does not make you look clever, BTW

NewtRipley · 16/07/2014 18:46

I had several people walk past me when I fel on the ice a few years ago. Scummy people.

SirRaymondClench · 16/07/2014 18:49

Op YADNBU Thanks and Zippey you sound like a real cunt. I hope you never fall and need help.

Latara · 16/07/2014 19:08

I found an semi-conscious drunk man lying in a hedge a short walk from the local A&E so I put him in the recovery position (he didn't seem to mind) and went to get help.

One of the male nurses was on his break so he came with me to see this drunk man - by that point he was actually unconscious.
Apparently this man had just been discharged from A&E - for being drunk. But they had to take him back because he was now unconscious.

The awful thing was that lots of people had walked past him when he was clearly unwell - yes, he was drunk but I only knew that from the bottles that were poking out of his bag.
He could have been having a stroke or something for all anyone knew.

ILickPicnMix · 16/07/2014 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WowserBowser · 16/07/2014 19:30

Totally agree with SirRay

Although i would still help Zippey

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 16/07/2014 19:31

Fuck the "bystander effect". I have never suffered with that shite excuse for not giving a fuck personally. However to see someone quoting it in regards to themselves is astonishing. I hope I never find myself lying in agonising pain at the bottom of your street zippey.

ICanSeeTheSun · 16/07/2014 19:34

Coco I hope you reported that nurse. I swear they take an oath of some sort.

If oy some one did get medical help, perhaps that lady would be still alive.

My nan has mixed dementia, if she ever escaped from the nursing home I hope and pray they don't think my nan is drunk..... She is just a confused, frightened old lady.

MrsBoldon · 16/07/2014 19:36

It actually means fuck all whether someone is drunk or not.

It takes seconds to call the Police or an ambulance. I don't think anyone is saying you have to 'get involved' and potentially put yourself at risk (though I have and will undoubtedly continue to!).

A phone call takes seconds and this is one of the few situations I've seen on MN where a Police or Ambulance call is very much in order and not a waste of anyones time.

And all those talking about 'don't intervene if they're drunk' or 'I can tell the difference between drunk and not'. You just can't. I've known a man be arrested on more than one occasion for seeming too drunk to be at a football match.

He had a stroke during an operation to try and stop him having 30 tonic clonic seizures a day.You cannot ever be sure.

Mim78 · 16/07/2014 19:39

I would at least have called an ambulance even if he said no to help or I was nervous to move him etc

HappyAgainOneDay · 16/07/2014 19:40

Sometimes people lying in the street are in a diabetic coma (right word?) or have some other condition so anyone lying like that should be attended to.

I fell over in our local town centre not long ago finishing up flat on my back and was immediately surrounded by people to help me. One called an ambulance, others brought screens, the one on the phone put a bag under my head, I was helped into a hairdresser outside which I'd fallen; I was offered a cup of tea there.

I was so grateful for the help and attention I received. I had broken an arm.

ICanSeeTheSun · 16/07/2014 19:45

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/27/first-person-coping-with-ataxia

So what if the person is drunk anyway.

I very rarely drink as I have to juggle my medication in order to drink. When I do drink I get very drunk.

Smartiepants79 · 16/07/2014 19:45

It would never even occur to me to walk past.
Even is help is refused if the person is clearly unable to make a proper judgement about whether they need help I would call a professional.
Can't believe people would just leave someone lying in the middle of the street!

Cocolepew · 16/07/2014 19:48

My uncle was staggering around in a distressed state, people tbought he was drunk but still helped him and sat him down. He had a seizure seconds after and was diagnosed with a brain tumour days later.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 16/07/2014 19:49

I won't go into all the times I have helped someone. I work with the public and have seen a lot of shit go down over the past 20 years of my working life but being spat at, slapped, slashed at with a knife and just generally being gobbed off at didn't and wouldn't stop me from helping. Yes it's definitely scary and a few times I wondered what the hell I was doing but It just wouldn't. I had a false nail break off on my eye socket but I saved someone from a serious head injury, I picked someone's severed ear off the floor and pulled the victim away from a frenzied man helicoptering with a heavy bar stool. I like being that person so many say is a rarity these days. Not because it feels good or I think I'm some kind of busybodying saint but because I hope that if one of my loved ones ever needs the help of kind stranger they would be fortunate enough to get it. Sometimes people do good and kind things even when they get no benefit from it or are scared. The man with a severed ear appeared in our local paper asking me to get in touch as I flitted off into the night like catwoman. His words. :o

Shockers · 16/07/2014 19:51

I've helped a few folk who have fallen and hurt themselves through drink. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that they will all have been alcoholics, but so what... they were still hurt and I have no idea what led any of them to that sad point in life.

I worry about my son, he is 26 and has epilepsy. In the aftermath of a seizure, he slurs his words, is confused and uncoordinated and may have lost control of his bladder or vomited. So far he has been lucky, only good people have been around.

HappyAgainOneDay · 16/07/2014 19:58

Perhaps we should have the parables brought back into RE lessons. Anyone else remember Good Samaritan?

RubyGoat · 16/07/2014 20:05

I'm horrified that anyone could just walk past & not help or even call the police/an ambulance as appropriate. Diabetes, dementia, a bang on the head, lots of other things could make someone appear drunk. Any of which could happen any of us one day.

I have previously helped people who have fallen in the stree, and given my gloves to a homeless man who was shivering & absolutely blue with cold.

I too have been helped - I had a dreadful pregnancy & fainted many times, both before & after I was visibly pregnant. Thankfully, people were generally kind & didn't just walk past because it was to much hassle to help.

Plateofcrumbs · 16/07/2014 20:07

Another occasion I remember: on a morning commuter train a respectable looking lady looked like she was nodding off, then started to shake and twitch. The person sat next to her looked at her in disgust and got up and walked away.

Fortunately most people were more concerned and rallied round, got her into recovery position, called an ambulance to meet us at the next station etc. But I'll never forgot the woman who walked away, I was gobsmacked.

ipswichwitch · 16/07/2014 20:19

So if someone's drunk they basically deserve to be left to die then? Since they brought it on themselves? Jesus Christ. Does that mean then that you wouldn't help someone having a heart attack because they didn't eat right or exercise enough?
Yes, some drunk people can get aggressive, so can some elderly people, or some people who are frightened and in pain or suffering from certain illnesses. When learning life support skills we are taught not to put yourself in danger if you are responding to an accident/incident so bearing that in mind the least you can do is phone for an ambulance and/or the police and keep your distance if you are concerned for your own safety. Not just leave someone to potentially die just because they may "look" drunk. And no, you can't tell just by looking.

Devora · 16/07/2014 20:30

My mum called me from the train station once, managed to gasp, "I think I'm having a heart attack" before the phone cut out. I called 999 (cue much wrangling as they insisted they couldn't despatch an ambulance unless I could tell them which platform she was on Hmm) then raced round there. Must have arrived 10 minutes later - there was my poor mum, collapsed across a bench, as easily hundreds of people swarmed round her (busy London train station at rush hour). Not one person stopped to ask if she was ok. She really could have died there and then, on her own, surrounded by people who thought it far more important to get to the office.

SucksFake · 16/07/2014 20:31

Well done OP for stopping to help.

I agree with all the previous posters who have expressed disbelief that being drunk equates to being undeserving of help. I don't know how people could bring themselves to walk by such a vulnerable adult.

I understand that he had declined help from others. The point that I would make is that it's extremely likely he lacked the capacity to make a fully informed decision about this (I work in healthcare), especially if he had alcohol on board. In that event, decisions about his care are best made by professionals; ie the ambulance staff. And it sounds as if he did go with them with a little persuasion.

You potentially saved his life. Be proud of your actions tonight.

kitesfoorever · 16/07/2014 20:36

Yanbu, however I would avoid going near a drunk too. Often I see drunks laying about, groaning etc in the middle of the day and I keep walking. They can be quite aggressive and I would feel sorry for the emergency services having to deal with them tbh. If someone was physically injured if call for help though.