....to wish the woman next to me would stop making sex noises?

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

On antenatal ward being monitored. The woman in the opposite bay is I think having contractions, but with every one is making the biggest sex noises/groans/sighs I've ever heard.

I can't remember contractions being that much fun...!?

What a bunch of humourless moaners some of you are.

I'm so glad my hospital put me in a room with dh to contract, rather than everyone else being around. I did go in when I couldn't actually talk between and during contractions. They threw me into a room, and then they flew out like rockets lol.

Maybe she is practicing for Wimbledon.
A woman near me high as a kite on gas air and pethidine alternately screamed and sang for hours. I giggled like crazy so did the little men in the corner of my room.

I was mooing when i started pushing, I hope I gave someone a laugh.

I remember the midwife said to me "you're not progressing, lets get you on your back" and my ex swears that my head spun round 360 degrees and I snarled "you just fucking try"

She then realised that I was a lot further on than she had imagined.

I bet I was judged for the amount of swearing I did during labour.

No sex noises or mooing but lots and lots of swearing.

Console yourself with the thought you are saving at least £5,000 by not going private.

(Clutching pearls)Bleeding- How could a man expect anything during labor. Then again, my father was downstairs chain smoking while my mum had the three of us.

I had the opposite problem on the antenatal ward. I had a lady in the need opposite me who just say in absolute silence just staring at me in a really creepy fashion.

After a while I sorry of freaked out and demanded another room.

Mind you I hadn't slept for 3 days due to crappy induction giving me constant contractions but spectacularly failing to progress so I might have been a bit over sensitive.

'Need'.. Should be 'bed' obviously.

There's probably women up and down the country making sex noises having contractions right now and women screaming/swearing doing god knows what. There's nothing to identify the person in thread. I swore so much in labour, pretty sure I gave someone a good laugh some of the shit I was coming out with. And I wouldn't care either.

She's a woman who started labour in an antenatal ward on the morning of the 15th of July. That narrows it down.

The OP then put down one of the conversations her DP had over the phone (in this thread at Tue 15-Jul-14 10:55:26). Again, narrows it down.

hearmeroar your post caught me by total surprise and I laughed at the picture in my head till tears squirted out. My blokes giving me funny looks now

Sounds like any NHS ward unfortunately. When you stick up to eight or so people in one room with one loose connection, there's bound to be massive difficulties.

As far as I know in the hospital I work in it tends to be that those who are excessively loud (respiratory devices, nebulisers etc), those who are very long term and those who could be very hard to room in with (i.e. violent/antisocial, confused, inappropriate behaviour, likely to need frequent changing/washing) that are given a separate room, which makes life a bit easier.

However - you still have the issue of lady in bed 3 with ten noisy relatives, lady in bed 6 who uses Chanel no 5 every ten minutes etc. And of course you have to cope with the sometimes unusual parts of others illnesses/symptoms.

I can understand your frustration and I'm glad to some extent that you wrote it on here. I had one patient call another a cunt. I wish he had merely written about it on a forum.

That said - I don't think sneering tone is necessary or fair.

It's like some sort of mad big brother really.

With DC1, I was so afraid to upset anybody on the postnatal ward (including the aggressive partner of the woman in the next bed) by making a noise or letting the baby cry, that I didn't sleep after the birth or for the next two nights.

I was hallucinating with tiredness by the end of it and probably not safe to look after the baby.

But I didn't piss anyone off, so I did the right thing.

You sound like a good laugh, OP. Hope you're okay

Thought this would be lighthearted. Good luck OP, although of course you should know better than too try to have a lighthearted thread these days

Blimey, doesn't anyone know the rules anymore. The OP is PREGNANT therefore it is not possible for her to be unreasonable.

OP YANBU . I hope you continue posting whatever you want and are not put off by posters who have not treated this as a lighthearted thread.

Btw I screamed when I had DS2, proper screams. The nurse kept telling me off .

OP, I hope everything goes well and that you make lovely lady like squeaks during childbirth.

When I was having dd2 I was in an antenatal ward for quite a while of my labour. By the time they wheeled me away for my c section I was contracting every three minute and each contraction was accompanied with 'fuck fuck fuck...' Muttering from me

This was at about 3am.

Had my c section, bit of time in surgical recovery and then went back onto the same bloody ward (dd was in nicu so they didn't put me w other post natal mums who had their babies w them).

I was so embarrassed to go back into the ward where I'd kept them all up half the night

I was left on the induction ward until I was practically crowning. (My DP had upset the midwife) I'm sure everyone else there thought I might be dying as I made such a racket.

I was super considerate when I was in labour, I ordered DH outside to call people because it was that or stab him next time he passed on a pearl of wisdom from MIL I didn't want him to annoy people. and I was too busy sobbing to make sex noises.

Maybe she'll be one of those women who orgasms during labour.

It happens