To think being "well off" is the least important quality in a man?

[HollyGuacamolly]

I am single and pregnant and bitter but went for lunch with a group of friends (also single) and were discussing what qualities we want in a man; I was surprised that all of them listed "well off" as an important factor, but not one of them mentioned anything along the lines of kind/treats me with respect.

Is this standard attitude? Or do I hang around with gold diggers weirdos?

FWIW obviously I don't want someone who's shit with money and a total liability, but when assessing someone's potential as a new partner I can honestly say I don't take wealth into account.

Well off probably means has own job, can afford to pay for dental work and condoms

There's a large grey area between 'well off' and 'cock lodger'.

It's obviously less important than "kind", but I wouldn't call it THE LEAST IMPORTANT quality.

Surely you can imagine qualities that would be nice, but would be even less important than being well off.

eg I'd prefer it if a man knew how to use chopsticks competently. But it's not important. I'd rate a steady income and/or sensible attitude to money above chopstick skills.

Maybe they are taking "kind and treats you well" as too obvious to even mention?

Ah yes well maybe not the least important quality

And good point about he cocklodger....perhaps I'm setting myself up for a fall.

Money was never important to me. In fact when I met dh he was living on his mum's sofa having dropped out of university because he was just so unhappy. . I was 8 years older and twice divorced with a young dd. We just clicked and years later we are very happy and have a toddler son :) (and dh now works, I sahm and we own a house together).

I also had a mortgage free home when I met dh so it wasn't even that I didn't have any money to protect or worry about either - it just genuinely didn't matter to me. I've met too many rich arseholes to be attracted to money (disclaimer - I'm not saying all rich people are arseholes, some are some aren't like everyone else).

I think it is an important quality.

So that when you split up you won't have the bailiffs chasing you for his debts.

Even better if there is enough money for you to be able to put a roof over your children's heads and food in their bellies.
[bitter and cynical]

Actually. .. thinking about it, it's not being well off so much as having a similar attitude to money and being sensible with it, however much you have.

My ex dh was well off but every time he got his wallet out moths flew out. He was that tight.

I'd much rather be with someone poorer who shared money generously and didn't overspend.

Surely hot & well hung come first?

Seriously though, It's not the most important thing no but I do think it should be pretty high on the list tbh...

For me, "well off" just means financially stable. Which is definitely a quality I'd look for in a man.
Either way I'd never combine finances with a partner. Far too many unhappy people in relationships (usually women) who feel they can't leave a relationship gone wrong because they don't have the finances to get out.

I'd definitely prefer 'good at oral and not cock obsessed' if I was making a list

Being reasonably financially stable and responsible is important, 'well off' not so much - unless you are 'well off' yourself and then I can see how it could be a factor.

• treating women as human beings
• intelligence
• humour

... would be the most important for me, although if the 'spark' is not there it wouldn't work, no matter how many good qualities he had.

My grandma had an expression: "love flies out the window when poverty walks in the door", and I think there's a lot of truth in that. It certainly makes it a damn sight harder.

I have some dear friends who would quite obviously mean it in the flash the cash sense...
When I was single, I would have said well off but meant it to mean financially stable, not so skint that he can't go out on a decent date (not to pay but to afford his half, eg a round of drinks, a reasonably cheap meal or cinema ticket) or buy normal things you need to spend money on and not to be feckless with his money. You can be relatively poor but stable financially IMO.

I was asked out by a chap who turned up with a Bently with personalized number plates...but he wasn't my type!

On the other hand, having had an ex who would be skint the day after pay/benefits day after spending on shite (eg taxi rides and take-always), I got tired of being "bank of radish".

Maybe they don't count kind or treats with respect because they'd never consider a man who wasn't those things? I'd not say respecting if someone asked me because i'd expect nothing less, and wouldn't give a person who didn't a second glance.

Only you know your friends OP, what do you think?

How old are you if you don't mind my asking?

I used to think like you. Now...12 years with a DH who earns very little...I MIGHT think again in retrospect.

I wouldn't....but you know what I mean. If I were young, free and single right now I would be looking at the men who earned plenty.

The three top criteria used to be said to be single, solvent and sane. I think they're a pretty good starting point.

Not having enough money is rubbish. When I left my ex (not because he was crap financially) I decided that if I married again it'd be to someone who made good money. There are millions of single men globally, you have to narrow them down somehow.

I thiink 'earning' is more important than the numbers, DP earns less than me by a fair amount, but works fucking hard, and we live in different cities atm, so split the communting costs at the weekend. I don;t care what he earns, but I would care if he didn't, if you see what I mean. We split stuff or I stuff a cheeky twenty in his pocket and he tells me off, or I buy more beer, it works out.

But if he weren't trying to bring in some money, it would be a whole different story. I adore him, but would find someone trying to take the piss a bad thing.

I wouldn't advise anyone to have 'well off' at the top of their list of requirements but wouldn't judge someone for thinking it was appealing.

It depends. My DH has never earned much at all and makes maybe 10k a year these days in a good year. I make my own money though so I don't mind. I can't bear the expression cocklodger - it's really horrible, especially as it's practically a badge of honour for one spouse to earn nothing so long as it's a woman.

Anyway I wouldn't swap him and it never occurred to me to look for a man with money.

Also, sane is an interesting one. He takes his tablets, so is nominally not sane, but as he takes them, is saner than I am who have no diagnosis, but am prone to the odd bout of madness (sefl harming, etc), so where do you draw the line?

'Ambitious' beats 'well off' hands down. It's more about happiness, compatibility and the desire to succeed together than anything. X

It's a very important quality. I wish I had paid more attention to it.

I agree with bellavida

Ambitious is good. And he is. He fucked up school and is now doing maths gcse in his 30s (i couldn't, was surprised i passed it at the time) - i am so proud of him. the money he brings to the table is nothing compared to what he is doing with this. seriously.