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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be bloody fed up with irresponsible people

48 replies

SometimesIWorry · 12/07/2014 05:11

Back story: (not so D)P went out tonight and drank way too much, I gave up waiting up for him and went to bed, at 3am I was woken by the fire alarm, he'd fallen asleep while cooking and it had caught fire, poor DD was terrified by the noise and I can't imagine the neighbours are impressed but I managed to put the fire out, I think the saucepans had it but the kitchen is ok. I now get to stay up all night looking after him. I'd leave the drunken twat to it but in 8 years of barwork in a student town I've never seen anyone this bad. Anyway that's not my AIBU, because frankly he should be grateful I still care enough to make sure he doesn't choke, when hes sober enough to understand we will have a serious talk and he can deal with his drinking or he can leave.

The AIBU is the barmaid where he's been drinking is one of my friends on fb and seems to think its a big joke, AIBU to think that actually its not funny, even ignoring for a second that it's against the law, its fucking irresponsible to serve someone who you know is far too drunk. (I'm not particularly impressed with his mates either, I wouldn't let any of my friends get in that state) Had she been one of my barstaff I would have fired her by now!

OP posts:
Rosa · 12/07/2014 05:19

Serious talk after he nearly burnt the house down Hmm. What will he do next time ????
Sorry but I think he is to blame for getting himself into that state he should know when to stop.

Original poster
SometimesIWorry · 12/07/2014 05:26

I know it's his fault and he should know when to stop. That doesn't make it ok for a barmaid to break licensing laws and then joke about it though.

OP posts:
FidelineAndBombazine · 12/07/2014 05:29

YABU to hold her more responsible than your DP.

YANBU to think she shouldn't have served him when intoxicated.

specialmagiclady · 12/07/2014 05:37

While I agree that your DP should no better, I completely get what you mean.

I hate it when people are staggering drunk and everyone's laughing and encouraging it.

(Not that I haven't done it myself although usually don't get to unable to walk stage).

Altinkum · 12/07/2014 06:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 12/07/2014 06:36

He nearly burned your house down and all it merits is a serious talk and anger towards a barmaid?

steppemum · 12/07/2014 06:44

He drank it, not her. Blame him.

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2014 06:46

He could have wiped out your house, your DD, himself or you. And you are posses off with the barmaid? Really ????

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2014 06:47

Pissed not posses.

17leftfeet · 12/07/2014 06:56

I can totally understand why you're cross with the barmaid. She may not have served him, she may have served his mates, but laughing about it obviously touched a nerve.

However you've had a shock and you are tired so I'm sure your mind is all over the place

Direct your anger towards your partner

maddening · 12/07/2014 07:01

A relative of my friend died like this - drunk fell asleep cooking and it caught fire - he had been awake when he died as he had pulled the radiator off trying to get out - he must have woken drunk and confused and unable to get out in time - it's lucky you woke up.

FunkyBoldRibena · 12/07/2014 07:03

I agree that this warrants more than a serious talk. But how is she laughing about it, how do you know this?

fourforksache · 12/07/2014 07:07

I'm afraid I'd be pointing the finger at h too, not the barmaid. he could have killed you both. is this a one off or is he usually a big drinker?

londonrach · 12/07/2014 07:11

Blame lies with your dh and no one else and not a barmaid or his friends unless his drink was spiked. For all you know he could have purchased more alcohol from a shop and drink it in a park. He an adult and he drank it. Ok after a certain point he not in control but decided to get to that point. As you rightly said you need some serious decussion today as he has put your life, his, dc and possible the neighbours at risk. Good luck

angelos02 · 12/07/2014 07:11

Blame lies 100% with your DP. What the fuck has some barmaid got to do with it?

CheeryName · 12/07/2014 07:11

Bloody hell well done on putting out the fire! Scary stuff. YANBU to be pissed off with bar staff as well as husband. I've only ever sold alcohol in a shop but it was drummed into us not to sell it to anyone already pissed as the shop could lose its licence.

fourforksache · 12/07/2014 07:14

anyway I hope you're all ok after that terrible night, well done for waking up and sorting it all out. I absolutely dread the thought of not waking for the fire alarm.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 12/07/2014 07:20

Did the bartender post something on fb about your dh? Shock

I think it's fine to be angry at them all. I wouldn't let a friend get that pissed, I'd be enraged if the person partly responsible for selling drinks made fun of the situation on fb and I'd be incandescent with your oh. Nothing you can do about the last one until he's awake...

meandcoffeeequalhappy · 12/07/2014 07:22

YABU - he drank the booze not her. I would be laughing at him too. If every barperson was sacked because someone can't say stop and go home before they get ratarsed, there wouldn't be a pub in in the country open still.

YABVU if you spent time posting about him nearly burning the house down on facebook?

paddlenorapaddle · 12/07/2014 07:24

Holy shit that was close are you ok? I'd wake the bugger up with his bags packed sod letting him sleep in to recover the hoover would be going cbeebies would be on washing machine the lot tough shit

As for the barmaid are you pissed off because everyone is laughing at him and therefore you, thinking this is a big joke ?

Either way you've got bigger fish to fry get your phone out and video the house, the state he's in everything then show it to him and this thread might wake him up a bit

newsecretidentity · 12/07/2014 07:42

If the barmaid was actually joking about your DP and serving him while intoxicated, then I'd screen cap it and show it to her employer as well as posting the aftermath on her facebook.

Yes, responsibility lies with your DP, but it wouldn't hurt to make her aware of the consequences of her serving someone over the limit, which is also against the law.

Namechangearoonie123 · 12/07/2014 07:47

Yanbu to be annoyed about the car staff

Once an individual is pissed they don't know they need to stop drinking so serving them once they're drunk is license revoking for a reason

FrontForward · 12/07/2014 07:56

Your partner is irresponsible.

The barmaid might be breaking laws but she didn't hold his mouth open and pour the drink down there. He may also have appeared more sober or his friends bought drinks etc etc

It's odd that you focus on her irresponsibility and neatly ignore the massive elephant that is a man returning to a house with a child in it, rolling drunk and nearly killing you all

"Deal with his drinking or leave". He won't. You won't. Who needs to act responsibly here? I'm not trying to pass all blame onto you but sometimes people evade responsibility because they rightly feel another person is also responsible. In a "when they do, I will" manner they do nothing and evade doing the responsible action

ApocalypseNowt · 12/07/2014 07:58

What limit is this newsecretidentity? As far as i know the law states you shouldn't serve someone who is intoxicated. Very vague and regularly ignored. Most people in some pubs/bars on a weekend night are drunk.

And I think some people are being a bit naive if they think employers aren't aware that their bar staff serve drunk people......

OP direct all your anger towards your DP....no-one else...

PunkrockerGirl · 12/07/2014 08:01

Only your DH is responsible for the amount he drinks. The barmaid presumably did not pour it down his throat.