to be bloody fed up with irresponsible people

[SometimesIWorry]

Back story: (not so D)P went out tonight and drank way too much, I gave up waiting up for him and went to bed, at 3am I was woken by the fire alarm, he'd fallen asleep while cooking and it had caught fire, poor DD was terrified by the noise and I can't imagine the neighbours are impressed but I managed to put the fire out, I think the saucepans had it but the kitchen is ok. I now get to stay up all night looking after him. I'd leave the drunken twat to it but in 8 years of barwork in a student town I've never seen anyone this bad. Anyway that's not my AIBU, because frankly he should be grateful I still care enough to make sure he doesn't choke, when hes sober enough to understand we will have a serious talk and he can deal with his drinking or he can leave.

The AIBU is the barmaid where he's been drinking is one of my friends on fb and seems to think its a big joke, AIBU to think that actually its not funny, even ignoring for a second that it's against the law, its fucking irresponsible to serve someone who you know is far too drunk. (I'm not particularly impressed with his mates either, I wouldn't let any of my friends get in that state) Had she been one of my barstaff I would have fired her by now!

Your anger is misdirected. It's not the barmaids fault. Or your DH's friends. The only one at fault is your DH.

I think pp are right really - your issue is with your dh. However I totally understand your anger with people who think it is funny/clever/impressive to get rolling drunk to the point they are completely incapable. It isn't any of those things. It is just shit for whoever has to deal with it - usually family and often public service workers too.
It is shit and irresponsible.

There is a reason it's against the, drunk people cannot make the right choice about when to stop. I would be very pissed off with her and your dp.

God how awful, thank goodness you have wirking smoke alarm or you may not be here now , id go nuts with my husband putting kids lives at risk like that. Sending you a hug xx

Well, I'm surprised you're getting such a hard time op.

Yes, of course your husband is responsible. But the barmaid is too.

Who here, seeing their friend absolutely paralytic, would continue to give them booze? Then laugh about it on Facebook? Not many, I'd hope.

And this is that woman's job

Let's just imagine OP were to get the barmaid sacked for her irresponsible behaviour and the consequences... Well DP would visit a different bar...be served by a different person or buy alcohol elsewhere? It's hardly impossible to do

He is the issue here. You don't accidentally get rat arsed as an adult. It's something you do as a teenager. He planned to go out drinking a lot. It wasn't an accident.

Definitely screen shot the FB post, take photos of the aftermath and give to her employer. She sounds irresponsible - as a barmaid she shouldn't have served someone who was clearly intoxicated. That's issue one and something you should deal with.

Then deal with H. His behaviour was worse than hers by a longshot - he wasn't forced into a state, he chose to drink that much and put his family in danger. You have to deal with that, who is to say that he'll just do it in a different way next time? Shop? Different bar? He has to control himself and realise he has responsibilities.

Well done for dealing with the fire, the outcome could have been so much different.

X-post with FF, great minds

What?

Drunk people don't make good choices.

People who are employed to serve alcohol should. It's quite simple.

LTB.

Seriously.

OP, you say that you would fire a bartender who served a very drunk person. There are lots of bars/pubs where staff would be sacked for not serving a drunk person because, if they didn't, the place wouldn't stay open for long.

No actually op I think you are quite right to be pissed off with the barmaid as well.

The primary fault is with your DP and you need to address that, but my DH works in the licensed trade as well and I know if he caught one of his staff laughing about someone they were serving being so drunk on fb he would be furious.

Yes sometimes it is possible not to realise a person is quite as drunk as they are but there is a serious lack of judgement shown by some one who does hold quite a responsibility in terms of serving what can be a lethal drug when they think it's amusing to have a very public laugh about one of their customs getting so blotto they are in s bad a way as he is. I can see why you are furious about that.

Can I ask though, is it a common thing for him to get this drunk?

That must have been terrifying for you and the little one, OP. Glad it has ended well (though your husband need a figurative arse-kicking).

The barmaid shouldn't be laughing but to be generous, if she is very young she probably won't see the seriousness of it: people do laugh at drunks. As a former barmaid I think your anger should be directed at the pub owner. As a PP said, bar staff can be put under pressure, and even aggressive threats from some customers, if the refuse to serve. The manager should be creating a culture where stupid levels of drunkenness are unacceptable in his/her pub.

Nowhere does the OP say she is more angry at the barmaid than her DP.
This AIBU is about the barmaid serving totally pissed customers, not her DP's behaviour. That is all.

I know she was laughing because its on her facebook, I know she served him because she said so and that the sambucca at least was her idea. I've not said it excuses his behaviour at all, I'm fucking furious with him, just seeing her joking about it whilst I'm having to stay up looking after him touched a nerve.

I know her boss quite well, I worked for him, and he is likely to be furious as he wants his pub to be a nice quiet drink type pub, it's very much an old mans ale pub, not one where people are coming out in that kind of state. As I said in the OP I have done barwork for 8 years, and ran my own pub for 5 of those. I know the pressures and so on but I know for a fact that her boss would have backed her up if she'd refused service and I know that he will have been very clear on that when she started.

RJ, no its not a common thing, pre-DC he used to go out most nights but I've never seen him more than a bit wobbly.

Him getting drunk isn't a problem, people do that all the time. But cooking while drunk is dangerous and you need to make him understand this. I don't drink anymore, but when I did drink I would never dream of cooking, no matter how drunk i was. You used to hear stories all the time of people burning the house down by leaving the chip pan on and falling asleep drunk.

My DDad once got into a serious accident whilst very drunk after a works night out which had an open bar. He is wholly responsible for his actions but his employers were shitting themseleves and offering him the earth as they have a duty of care to their staff and had created the situation.

Your dh is responsible for his actions and for how drunk he gets, however those that supply the liquor have a responsibility too. Once it was clear that he was beyond capable of responsible actions the sober suppliers of the booze should have stepped in.

I would be fucking furious with him this morning and refuse to allow him back in the house when drunk ever again. Sober yes, drunk no.

Are you sure that she knew how drunk he was? She might have been laughing about him being entertainingly tipsy earlier on, which turned into that kind of creeping paralytic drunk when his system caught up with the amount of alcohol in him. How did it play out on Facebook - is she posting on something you have written about what happened last night, or has she instigated a post about your husband?

Either way, the issue is secondary to your husband's behaviour and it probably isn't worth focussing on yet. I can understand that you must be absolutely livid with him and waiting for him to be in a fit state to talk about it must be infuriating, but don't refocus your anger onto someone else in the meantime. What you decide to do about the barmaid should come after you have had the conversation you need to have with your husband.

Holding one person responsible for their actions does not negate the responsibility for others involved.

She has a legal formal well established duty of care.nmbjiohimnkk &9&0
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See my 2yo agrees

thanks mini-NeedsAsockamnesty.

Sorry, DP was pissing me off so I took DD to my mums for the weekend and haven't had time to reply

Her post was a picture of him on the floor having fallen over, I haven't posted anything about it on fb, well not publicly, I did PM the barmaid after the picture went up.

Her boss is not happy, and says he'd actually already seen it when i called him, he has new barstaff starting tomorrow and has told her she has to come in with them for training, he is also mentioning it to everyone at their staff meeting (not names, just a reminder not to serve drunk people)

I've told DP that he can find somewhere else to stay if he's drunk in future and made sure he knows how bad things could have been, his Mum called him while i was away and I gather gave him a similar lecture, which has had quite a deep impression, especially as normally his mum would argue the sky was pink just to avoid agreeing with me.