To get really annoyed at people that always have to dominate conversations?

[BrazilNil]

I went to lunch today with a group of 3 other friends.

One of the friends, I'll call her Lucy, is generally a nice person, but loves the sound of her own voice and whenever she is there she totally dominates the conversation.

As soon as we'd arrived at the restaurant today Lucy started talking about herself and about some (fairly normal, mundane) things that she's done lately. She has a loud voice and just talked over anyone else that tried to talk.

If at any point any of us started to talk about anything, Lucy jumped in quickly and turned the conversation back round to being about her, comparing anything else that was said to something that she had done or had happened to her.

I was talking about a family member of mine that is very unwell and Lucy interrupted and started talking about the fact that her daughter was off school for two days last week with an ear infection. Everything has to come back to being about her. Another friend mentioned a holiday that she has just booked, and within a few minutes the conversation was back on to Lucy and about holidays she has been on in the past.

I know in theory we should all just keep talking, but in practise with someone like Lucy it's difficult as her voice is very loud and she is very dominant. She just seems to expect to be listened to. I find her very frustrating.

AIBU?

Marylou62 - I don't see a 'Lucy' as someone that just talks too much - I'm a chatterbox. It's just that it's ALL about them ALL the time. That's what is so annoying, that they're so self-absorbed and self-obssessed.

I'm another socially anxious Lucy with people I don't know well.

However, I don't say anything at all in group situations, which I avoid like the plague.

I have AS and just don't get social cues or how to make normal conversation at all. Best stick to mumsnetting, I think.

Talisa you're right. We need to distinguish between the Mimis and the Lucys. The Lucys are likely being friendly, trying to connect or just plain nervous.

It's the Mimis who drive me the most nuts. Their problems are so important everyone has to listen to them.

This thread has made me a bit . I have a dd called Lucy and she's lovely! I love the name Lucy and this thread has sullied the name of my dd. I preferred Wendy, as I don't know any of them!

cheery the FB Lucy's I know are pretty persistent. They are all continuing even though no one likes or comments on their 100 days of waffle. I'm baffled by their lack of awareness that people stopped giving a crap 5 days in.

ihate i like Lucy as a name, I bet your dd is lovely.

Thanks When .

If people are loud I just let them get on with it.

Aw I quite like the 100 days of happiness thing. I haven't done it myself, but I have an acquaintance on Facebook who's doing it and yes, I suppose it can seem quite inane to outsiders, but I know that she's really been struggling with negative thinking and depression so it's a Really Big Deal that she's got to (day 38 I think?).

Plus, with it being on Facebook, if she skips a day one of us will ask her about it, so there's social responsibility for building better habits.

So yes, I can sort of see it as a ME ME thing, but also as a really positive step for some people to actually take better care of themselves.

(At the risk of doing the "Oh, I've read about this!" thing I always do :

Therapeutic benefits of gratitude lists

I have a "friend" like Lucy. I have known her 25 years and for the first 10 of those we were very close and I never noticed so much how she dominated the conversation. Then a 3rd friend came along and I got pushed out, although miffed and upset at first it became a blessing as she was a pain!
She is unmarried and has no children but all she talks about is herself, what she has been doing, her family and I know the name of all her work colleagues. If we meet for coffee she never asks anything about me or my family and I go away thinking I said hardly anything.
Dont get me wrong she is sweet and would do anything for anyone but she does really dominate the conversation. My mother died in March and to be honest I have put off seeing her til now as just cannot bear the thought of her talking about her and her family for the whole time we are together.
I still see her occassionaly but come away feeling drained. Hubby asks why I bother as he finds her such hard work, I think I feel a bit sorry for her as she has no husband, partner or kids.

Your friend Lucy sounds similar. I agree with other posters if there are many of you together then just steer conversation back to the topic you were talking about hopefully she will get the message.

I always think that the best quality from a friendship is generous talking and listening on both sides. Good luck x

Some people are confusing talking a lot, which there is nothing really wrong with per se, to not letting others have a turn/not listening/always turning the conversation back to them.

But if you are one of those people who likes to 'fill a silence' as a lot of people are claiming they are - just think: are you listening? Are you letting others have a turn sometimes? The inability of a grown adult to turn-take in a conversation is an extremely unattractive and antisocial attribute.

The worst Lucys are those that ask you extremely personal questions and extract painful dialogue from you only to reply in a really flippant, belittling way.

My ex boss was terrible for mixing business with her personal life (she owned the business) and when my Father was extremely ill just would not stop asking me questions about how he was doing even though I was close to tears and just wanted to do my work. When I did tell her the situation and prognosis she then just said something along the lines of 'chin up, he will be fine, I'm sure you are just being dramatic' and moved the conversation on.

From that point I made a mental note to never tell certain people important information. There is nothing more soul destroying than to say something that is extremely sensitive for it to be treated like chip paper. Like I said previously, keep the conversation light with these people. Lots of short snippets of convo.

Reminds me of a Miranda clip where the Mother was trying to educate her how to talk to people at dinner parties and it was basically enthusiastic nodding and lots of yarr.

Ok yes agree op it is bad. But the other end of the scale bad too I call them the michaels (after fil). Say nothing and contribute nothing socially leaving everything up to others. It's maddening. Yes sometimes I too would like to sit quietly and not bother but then we would all sit in silence and it would be excruciating. This forces others ie me to prattle on eventually saying something "wrong" which I wouldn't have said if they had given something back socially!

Once I was as quiet as he was and everyone asked if I was ok. Really annoying

My nan does this! It's terrible .

Apart from it bring incredibly rude - I think it's down to her living in a house hold dominated by men fir decades and no one listening to her.

So when she gets an audience - nothing is stopping her monologue .

I worked with a Lucy (till I got made redundant last year ). I actually miss her now she's not around for the entertainment factor

She always blabbed on about herself and how everybody thought she was so pretty etc.

Once, all staff were called into a big meeting where a lot of Quite worrying restructuring was announced (see the bit on 'redundancy' above). We all came out afterwards and were chatting about the implications as you would.

Anyway, somehow and God knows how she managed it, but by the time we'd reached our desks, we were listening to Lucy telling us about how she'd been chatted up in a bar the night before and how the bloke thought she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen and how then another bloke came over and was chatting her up.

Yes Lucy never mind our job security, let's talk about how gorgeous you are.

I have to say I can be a bit of a Lucy at times, but i try really hard not to be as I know it's terrible. I am so paranoid about people thinking I'm talking too much that randomly sometimes I just shut up for quite a while so as others can have a good long chat without me involved.
I am aware of what I do quite often though and it seems your "Lucy" isn't.
I do find it helps if a person just carries on talking if I interrupt. It reminds me that they have something important to say and to shut up. Try that. Try just carrying on talking about what you were talking about and directing your conversation to the others. I hope like me she'll get the hint.
It takes a brave person to tell someone they talk too much, but I did appreciate it as someone who does it.

I've got a Lucy. I only see her out of duty because I suspect she's quite lonely. She often mentions how her other friends make excuses not to see her, or cancel plans to meet up. I imagine they find her as hard work as I do.

Thing is its self perpetuating because I find myself becoming quieter and quieter in her company. I don't want to chat to her. There's no point. Even if she asks me a question I only have chance to get a few words out before she's butted in. She probably thinks I'm very dull and have nothing to say! But it's no fun to be in the company of someone who just wants an audience for her monologues.

And the thing is the monologues are so bloody boring. The concept of edited highlights means nothing to her. Once I timed her. We met up and she immediately launched into a seemingly endless story about getting her son's car through its MOT. It was 25 minutes before she drew breath. I got every single tiny detail.

A couple of times I've tried just carrying on talking when she butts in. The last time we were both talking for a good ten seconds which doesn't sound long but it is in that situation. She did drop out but as soon as I stopped she carried on.

If you're a Lucy - just stop it. It's incredibly rude and insulting.

Most of us are pretty good at picking up the tiny social clues people give off - you can generally tell from someone's body language whether they want you to expand on something, or if they're not really interested but being polite, or if they want to make a point.

I guess Lucys simply aren't looking for these little social clues.

I honestly can't think of a nice assertive way of dealing with it, so I'm afraid I go with the cowards way out: once everyone has glazed over, I butt in with a related question to a fellow victim, and if Lucy keeps yammering away in the background, at least we can have a proper conversation on the side.
Difficult when there's only three of you, of course!

StandardHeight it's honestly not about talking too much! It's about never listening, and always talking about yourself. And talking over people. Fucking annoying.

I certainly do talk too much and also can dominate a conversation if I don't remember to shut up so possibly am a Lucy. I do have a lot of friends though, and I think my friends look for me for entertainment/fun stories, so perhaps it's a bit self-perpetuating, or perhaps they are all laughing out of politeness. I don't think so. I do know I talk too much though, and my children are equally blessed!

yes I see what you're saying. I do actually listen because I am genuinely interested in what my friends say.
How old is she? Is she married? Just interested to know if she does have a relationship and if that person has ever addressed it.
Do you think she would accept criticism on the subject,mor do you think you wouldn't be able to speak for long enough to tell her

Thena, I think I'm in the same boat regarding friends. I do hope they're not laughing out of politeness, I'd be devastated.
Op maybe you should put your 'Lucy' with another 'Lucy' and see what happens.

My sister has a lucy friend her parents are the same. Sadly her dh has just dumped her. We all feel very sorry for her but the unsaid feeling is how the poor bloke stuck it for so long...

There are a few Lucy's and very loud parenting at my dc school. There is constant talk of their dc:

"She has a choice of ballet/dance/drama/rainbows. She can try them all until she finds the one for her"

"Oh she absolutely loves ballet. I am going to buy her outfit tomorrow"

I am thankful that I only have to endure 5 mins whilst we wait to collect our dc. It is like a competition on whose dc do the most activities/whose dc are most loved.

Some people really do think that the world begins and ends with them. That their dc are more important than anyone else.

Talisa I worked with someone like this. Not content until you knew EVERYTHING about them, their dc and extended family. It was assumed that you would want to know .

I think there is an element of self obsession. I was seen as the audience and I hated it.

This colleague knew very little about me. I was not willing to fight to speak. I also know when someone is not interested in me - their eyes glaze over or they zone out.