To think DDs reaction wasn't "not normal"?

[lalala2]

I was out for lunch today with my dad and DD (just turned 3) when a woman came and sat right beside DD as I was cutting up her food and the woman put her face right up to DD and told her to eat up, told her to blow on her food, to use the fork etc and asked how hold she was. DD looked down as she's very shy with strangers and I said "how old are you?", "you're 3 aren't you?" And DD said yes. I said sorry she's really shy, she's starting playschool on Monday so I'm hoping that brings her out of her shell a bit.
The woman then said "that's not normal! No I'm sorry but that's just not normal, she should be able to speak to me!!!" Then she turned to my dad and said "the problem is she's S.P.O.I.L.E.D"

My dad just tried to make a joke about it but the woman was getting really angry and was looking at DD shaking her head saying that's not right!! I was really polite to the woman but I'm fuming a little bit at her cheek, there's nothing wrong with DD, we have a tiny family (just me and DD and we see my dad occasionally) so she's just not used to adults being so forward I think it caught her off gaurd!

AIBU or was DDs reaction totally abnormal?

Have I missed the memo that being "shy" is a bad condition? All the "shy" people that I know are the most sensible people that I know. They are very perceptive, too and are not likely to be band wagon jumpers.
Why isn't being an extrovert/go getter seen as a "condition"? Especially in light of the types of people who are always named in the awful sex abuse scandals?
Oh, and all the "shy" people that I know are the best for sticking up for themselves when people want to bully them into "coming out of their shell" (which is another way of saying "you're weird because you are not like us/aren't a follower").
The world's third eye really needs some opening.

OP, you really shouldn't have tolerated that woman's behaviour. Why on earth didn't you stop her talking to your DD like that and tell her to go away?

Try really hard not to aplogise for your DC being shy - my parents did this to me and it does give the DC the impression that being shy is wrong.

Also try and avoid the shy label - I wasn't as good with this with middle DC as I was for other two and they now self identify as being shy which isn't helpful. I used to say to people - they are slow to warm up.

I think your DD reaction to an agrressive stranger of being quiet and not responding is perfectly normal.

How strange.

DS2 is a little introvert. I don't apologize. There is nothing wrong with being shy/quiet.

He will now do the basic niceties with people but doesn't really want to chat.

That's just how he is.

Your daughter is quite normal with a good protective sense of stranger danger. I would worry more at a child who was instantly friendly with someone so rude and in their face.

It's pretty clear from what you've said that the woman has bi polar or some other MH problem

Here we go again More bullshit about bipolar.

Having bipolar disorder does not make you into some scary bothersome-in-public weirdo, and it is singularly unhelpful to those who do have it to have this sort of inaccurate nonsense peddled as though it were fact.

It doesn't sound as though there is anything wrong with your daughter, OP, just normal shyness. The woman's behaviour was inappropriate. There may have been clinical/medical reasons why that was the case, in which case she deserves a little empathy, or there may not - we'll never know.

And I don't apologise for DS1 being shy (he actually has a pretty severe social communication disorder) but do state it as fact and comment to people that he'll be taking his time to suss them out. He will pick up on whether I'm comfortable with someone before he is able to begin to warm to them, so it's possible that your DD correctly sensed your discomfort.

And agreeing that it's impossible to diagnose the woman based on so little information. She could have a whole list of things going on, or she might just be an arsehole.

My 9 year old has only just started confidently asking the questions of unknown adults - probably within the last year to year and a half. My 5 year old might answer - or might answer under his breath!

And I'm talking about "normal" unknown adults. This woman sounds pretty "not normal" herself if you ask me..

Why did the woman join you for lunch? Did you or your dad know her?

Silly It the woman in question who suggested OP's daughter was "not normal".

**It was the....

Silly said This is why there is stigma about mental health still.

Crap! utter crap! what a pretentious post! have you diagnosed the woman as having MH then? boy, you're good.

I called her a fruitloop because from OP's description she sounds like your typical, nosy, bosy, know it all, lacking in boundaries person and said OP's DD was NOT normal. Just because someone is acting weird doesn't always mean MH! what an offensive thing to say to people with real MH issues.

If OP had indeed told us that the woman did have MH issues i am sure no one would have called her any names, but expressed sympathy. We do not have that information, we can only go by what OP has told us. If indeed she does have MH issues, then its quite arrogant of you to make your above statement knowing fairly well that no one was calling her names based on knowledge of her diagnoses.

You might as well accuse anyone who says 'stupid', 'silly, 'idiot' as being prejudiced against people with MH.

Please find something else to shout about and back it up with evidence first!

Kate is spot on.

Yes it does matter whether the woman actually had MH. You are projecting your own thoughts onto posters on an Internet forum you don't know. I have never knowingly insulted anyone with MH, I wouldn't dream of it, knowing how awful it is for the sufferer and their families.

You and Silly have jumped to the ridiculous conclusion that the woman has MH when you have no evidence. I do not associate the word 'fruit loop' with someone with a MH diagnoses, I do associate it with nosy, bosy people over stepping boundaries.

What is the non offensive term for somebody who does not have a mental health problem but whose thought processes seem a little odd? (E.g many politicians?)

Just because she's adult doesn't make her the 'normal' one. Maybe she has learning difficulties of a type too....? Just a thought.

Hang on people where this is about kids we are encouraged on every thread to consider that the other person has an issue potentially.

Bit rich to cry foul because it's an adult. Kids do grow up. These issues affected more than one generation....

Spot on again Kate.

Spaz, retard and mongol refer specifically to medical terms
Bonkers and fruit loop are usually used to describe somebody or something that is eccentric, irrational or unusual and do not relate to a medical term. Plenty of people with mental illnesses are rational and not eccentric.

It is possible to be irrational and not have a mental illness. Maybe bonkers and fruit loop are offensive. It is wrong to be offensive. However people need words to describe somebody acting irrationally, surprisingly and unusually in the same way that they need words like twit and doofus to mean a bit silly.

Thenwoman's behaviour was so unusual that I would wonder whether she has some sort of mental health problem. If she was elderly, yes I would agree she might have dementia.

I agree : don't apologise for your daughter's behaviour and don't label her. She will hear this and start to label herself. It is not childrens duty to please adults.