To think DDs reaction wasn't "not normal"?

[lalala2]

I was out for lunch today with my dad and DD (just turned 3) when a woman came and sat right beside DD as I was cutting up her food and the woman put her face right up to DD and told her to eat up, told her to blow on her food, to use the fork etc and asked how hold she was. DD looked down as she's very shy with strangers and I said "how old are you?", "you're 3 aren't you?" And DD said yes. I said sorry she's really shy, she's starting playschool on Monday so I'm hoping that brings her out of her shell a bit.
The woman then said "that's not normal! No I'm sorry but that's just not normal, she should be able to speak to me!!!" Then she turned to my dad and said "the problem is she's S.P.O.I.L.E.D"

My dad just tried to make a joke about it but the woman was getting really angry and was looking at DD shaking her head saying that's not right!! I was really polite to the woman but I'm fuming a little bit at her cheek, there's nothing wrong with DD, we have a tiny family (just me and DD and we see my dad occasionally) so she's just not used to adults being so forward I think it caught her off gaurd!

AIBU or was DDs reaction totally abnormal?

She doesn't sound like a very nice woman. Your daughter sounds perfectly fine. :)

SaucyJack Google bipolar. What a strange and offensive thing to say.

Your daughter sounds fine, I think I'd find the interrupting your lunch and shoving her face up to your daughter's more difficult to deal with. I am in no way shy but if someone did that to me I don't think I'd react well. Why should a 3 year old?

She sounds bonkers

Less of the nutter insults please and why on earth must she be bi polar? She might just be a bossy, over bearing woman

OP, tbh I think your behaviour is odder, why explain your ds is shy etc to some complete random woman who suits down at your table?

It's not normal for a stranger to come up to a child and "co-parent" like she did.

I've babysat tons of shy kids, it's normal. Some kids just do better in tiny groups or 1:1 with social interactions while others love being center of attention in large groups. Really, when shy kids warm up they're just as rambunctious and quirky as outgoing kids.

It's pretty clear from what you've said that the woman has bi polar or some other MH problem.

Really?! That seems a bit if a leap!

A couple of times, people have done similar to my ds, leaning in close and saying things about him not talking and, 'are you shy? (as he buries his face into my chest!) Once a woman kept saying over and over, 'come on, say hello?' 'Are you not going to talk to me?' 'Has the cat got your tongue!' Etc I pointed out to her that ds can't actually speak at all (he is disabled and completely non verbal) she looked pretty mortified.

I guess the point of the thread is to have a bit of a vent.

YWBU to label your daughter 'shy' like that and put the blame on her when the woman was clearly a loon. I wouldn't have let a stranger sit next to my DS (2 yrs, 9 mths) and talk to him like that anyway. He is fairly comfortable with new people but having someone overfamiliar talk to him in such a weird way might even unsettle him, let alone a quieter child.

I know you were trying to be polite and probably avoid a scene because you were getting weirdo vibes off her but when she made the comment to your Dad about your DD being 'spoiled' you should really have just cut her dead and ignored her so she would leave. I would never tolerate someone making a nasty comment like that about my child in front of him. Your first obligation is to your DD, ensuring she is comfortable and happy, not trying to avoid embarrassment with some loony stranger you'll (hopefully) never see again!

My response would have been yes, thank you very much, ta ta now while turning my back to her, edging her out and starting a conversation with whoever I was with. You didn't need to engage with her. If anything is going to make your DD feel conscious about her shyness is people talking about it in front of her as if there is something wrong with her. I was extremely shy as a child. Abnormally so and I remember comments on it including my mother's that shouldn't have been said in front of me. They didn't help, they hindered.

We're so programmed to be polite. It's refreshing to get older and not feel you have to so much when confronted with other people's rudeness.

Crazy fool (her, not you). Ignore and move on.

erm, well in all my time with a bipolar dx i've never gone and shoved myself up in the face of a child then got shitty when said child didn't want to talk to me....what an odd comment.
OP, your DD is fine, i agree with the not making shyness a negative from previous posters, its not a bad thing. The woman sounds very odd and when a very unexpected situation like that happens it can often take you so off-guard you react in a way that, with hindsight, you wouldn't again. Dont worry about it, move on from it and run away if you see her coming again.

Your dd sounds fine to me.
The woman is R.U.D.E

Your daughter sounds fine, it was just a random woman being inappropriate.

Next time don't apologise for your daughter and try not to label her shy. I know how social situations kind of push you towards both, it's hard. Have a couple of phrases up your sleeve instead, eg "no she's just taking it all in at the moment" / settling in / taking her time etc

My Mum has Alzheimers and that's is exactly the sort of thing she can do.

Clearly a loon? Please, enough insults.

Erin-good idea and those are nice phrases.

SaucyJack "clearly bipolar?" You got that from this thread?!

Szeli I know perfectly well what bi polar is thanks. Had a diagnosis of it myself at some point.

Loss of inhibitions, obsessive speech and irrational anger are all obvious clinical signs of mania. It's not all fun and games when someone's on a high.

Wow, how rudeof her, of course your DD's behaviour is totally fine.

SaucyJack Just because you have bipolar doesn't make you an expert with enough credentials to diagnose someone based on a small snapshot. Not even a professional could make a diagnosis.

You can be rude without having a disorder.

She sounds like an unpleasant, rude woman. I'd avoid describing your DD as shy in front of her though, as it may become a bit self-fulfilling.