To wish my friend hadn't told me this ... and not know what to do about it?!

[MrsMopOnTop]

Tried writing this several times but it keeps ending up too long >.<

Basically - a good friend has admitted that she has rekindled an old casual relationship with a younger man - behind her partners back. Younger man doesn't know she has a partner or a baby. Partner doesn't know she's carrying on.

She has told me this in confidence but I cannot support this behaviour! I understand she isn't happy but this younger man seems quite smitten with her and she is using him. And then her relationship isn't brilliant - they basically got pregnant right away and have tried to stick together - but surely her partner deserves more respect regardless.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to uproot the baby (he's 13mos) by bringing this to his dads attention and upsetting the home situation.

But I don't want to not say anything and in essence - be enabling her. I am tempting to tell the younger man what is going on and hope he sees sense - but is it my place to do that!?

I'd really appreciate some advice here. I don't want to do nothing - I can't support this - but I'm not sure on the right course of action. I'm not bothered about my friends feelings in this if that helps at all - I think she has made her bed and has to lie in it as harsh as that may sound.

If I cut out anyone who has ever two-timed a boyfriend, cheated, snogged someone on a night out, started a relationship with someone married I'd still have loads left.

Like Infinity says you choose your friends based on similar values.

Though I see a massive difference between an ONS and an ongoing affair. the first can well be a mistake the second is more calculated than that. It's the calculated selfishness and deception that repels me.

I have friends in long relationships, I have friends in second, third and even fourth relationships/marriages, I know people in open relationships, I know people who have left long relationships and have to make it work as co-parents with new partners in tow. The thing that makes all these different relationships work in their different ways is honesty. Honesty makes all the difference. It makes the difference between sharing the joy of a friend in a new relationship and the deceit and secrecy of an affair.

Hurting, disregarding, lying, being selfish, is not ok. It just isn't.