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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Why isn't my child Mary' syndrome

378 replies

Pud2 · 05/07/2014 14:41

AIBU to get irritated by parents who complain to the school when their DC doesn't get a good part in a production?

OP posts:
dayshiftdoris · 07/12/2014 20:32

Well against all the theories out there my son was Joseph in the nursery nativity... He was the 'naughty boy' at that point - there were parents up in arms about it.

Nursery were very clear why he was chosen and took pain to remind me regularly in the lead up....

'He's the only boy tall enough for the costume but don't worry we are not letting him speak'

Xmas Sad
NoSundayWorkingPlease · 07/12/2014 20:39

Well ds1 (year 2) has the main part in the infants play and ds2 (reception) is the only reception child out of 20 to have a speaking part - and I've never set foot anywhere near the PTA.

(Stealth boast Xmas Wink )

Meechimoo · 07/12/2014 20:59

I was Mary in the 1983 school nativity.
I am neither blonde nor angelic. I had loads of lines, two solos and loved every second. I was born to play the part, frankly. So far my dc's have only been sheep or angels. I try hard not to show my crushing disappointment Wink

dancestomyowntune · 07/12/2014 21:11

In pre-school, Dd1 was promoted from a potato (yes, a potato!) To the lead part of teddy bear who was finding out about Christmas and was meant to be the Christmas present under the tree. This was because the girl originally given the part wouldn't do it and Dd1 (being her friend) had been helping her practise so knew the part the best!

Both Ds1 and Ds2 were picked as Joseph, I feel because they weren't the best speakers and Joseph didn't have lines! This year at school Ds1 is a villager, Ds2 a box of washing powder and Dd2 a zumba dancer. The mind boggles! At church Ds1 is a king, Ds2 is a shepherd and Dd2 is a sheep!

Dd1 is in a professional pantomime as a dancer and her favourite part? Two seconds on stage as a teletubby! She is also a teddybear, a ballet girl and a villager, but the teletubby trumps the lot!

KERALA1 · 07/12/2014 21:17

Ex chair of PTA. Just single handedly netted £10k for the school. Yet blonde angelic dd2 is a market trader and dd1 third narrator on the left. An outrage!!

Lostriver · 07/12/2014 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 08/12/2014 14:43

Also has anyone in real life ever come across anyone being so knobbish as to complain to the teacher about this?! Surely something that only happens in rubbish books and urban myth.

Mehitabel6 · 08/12/2014 16:41

I have known a father ring at the end of the school day and say 'I have a distraught 5 yr old here, absolutely distraught, she wanted to be Mary and she wasn't chosen'!! The person taking the call was very pleased to just be able to say 'I'm sorry, wrong school- you want the infants not the juniors!
I don't know what happened but I think he seriously expected the part to be taken away from the other child and given to his DD!!
I have also known a mother come in with the usual complaint you get in MN- 'it isn't fair- my DD never gets a main part'- the teacher was a bit perplexed and said 'she was asked and she didn't want one'! The mother did at least come back and apologise when her DD told her it was true.
Therefore not a myth.
I suspect there are a lot of mothers who want their child centre stage who have a child who wants to blend into the background.

GemmaWella81 · 08/12/2014 20:29

At the risk of poring petrol on this debate.....

If a parent of one child is giving a lot to the school...ie being on the PTA, doing school events, helping out etc.....is it only natural they'd be likely to have their child considered first?

All of this is based on a huge amount of assumption such decision process do happen!

Original poster
Pud2 · 08/12/2014 20:41

Kerala1 I can confirm, as a teacher, that this does absolutely happen. I have been shouted at by parents, on more than one occasion because their PS or PD is disappointed with their part in a play. Unbelievable I know, but true.

OP posts:
ElectricalBanana · 08/12/2014 20:45

Being short dumpy and ginger is got roles like ' first dead soldier' ( wtf was the play - I don't know)

When my teacher found out I had a -big mouth- a nice clear voice I was the narrator or ' natterer' as I told my parents.

When a narrator or a speech maker was needed Electrical was ya girl... But I really did want to be Mary or the angel...

spanieleyes · 08/12/2014 21:24

No teacher is going to give the main part to a child just because their mother is a shining light on the PTFA, the child could be an absolute disaster and the play ruined!! You give the part to those who
a) want to do it-many children don't even if their parents think they do!
b) have half a chance of standing on the stage without weeing down their leg or pulling their costume over their head -both have happened in a play I've organised Blush
c) have a loud voice and can ad-lib when the second camel on the right forgets it's only line ( guaranteed to be "I am a camel")

Jennifersrabbit · 08/12/2014 22:04

Well it's not to my kids personal credit that their mother is a sharp elbowed interfering baggage concerned and engaged type, is it? Nor the fault of other kids if their parents can't for whatever reason do the same.

Id be genuinely disappointed if I thought my kids were getting special consideration. Not why I volunteered.

Mehitabel6 · 08/12/2014 22:12

What really is a myth is that the involvement of the parent has anything to do with it. It simply doesn't.
It needs to be a confident, unselfconscious, child who has a clear voice to reach the back of the hall. One that can remember lines, won't mess around, and is utterly reliable. That narrows the choice.

WorkEatSleepRepeat · 08/12/2014 22:28

DD1 was an angel in reception, Mary in year one and this year is a waitress Grin

LalaLeona · 08/12/2014 22:39

Really don't like this whole "blonde and angelic" thing on this thread..Confused so brown haired brown eyed girls can't be considered angelic?? Hmm...

KERALA1 · 09/12/2014 09:41

You get abit penalised for being able to read/ clear voice dd1 always narrator she longed to be an angel...Usual fate of dark haired girls ime is to be a shepherd with occasional blaze of glory as Mary. Never once did I get near being an angel...

wubwubwub · 09/12/2014 10:05

my nephew was "villager no. 345" in a Christmas play in Year 3, and was pissing about all through the rehearsals, disrupting them as he was so bloody bored. Then the kid with the main role fell ill the day before and they needed a quick replacement - turns out nephew knew all the lines and cues, better than the original kid and he got the role... and they still didn't acknowledge that maybe the boy is bright and could have done with something a bit more interesting to be than be a villager (even if it was a'pretend' job of being in charge of cups or... chairs or something)

oh well - he's the 'naughty kid' in that school, so he plays up to it really. He's delight at home, but not at school.

BalloonSlayer · 09/12/2014 10:36

Haven't read thread but am most shocked at the post back in July when someone said her DC had played "pig no 6"

Please tell me that wasn't a nativity play!

Pigs would have been seen as totally unclean and would have been nowhere near that stable.

Original poster
Pud2 · 09/12/2014 19:25

My brother was a hedgehog in the nativity scene.....

OP posts:
jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 09/12/2014 20:31

I don't think it matters whether pigs would have been in the stable or not. It was a child's production. They wanted pigs and had them.

whois · 09/12/2014 20:50

Brown hair brown eyes over here - first angle, BOOM!

Unfortunately my nursery school nativity part success wasn't replicated in junior school or secondary school (bloody third narrator, the judge, the king and other make parts!)

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 09/12/2014 21:38

Many years ago, my DC had very minor non-speaking roles in their nativities. I was still really proud and they still remember the excitement of it all.

Whether they're Mary, the Angel Gabriel or the fifteenth sheep from the right it doesn't matter. What matters is that you and as many admirers as possible go along, praise them to the skies and make them feel like superstars.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 09/12/2014 21:48

One girl at our DCs school wasn't having any of the angels for the girls and shepherds for the boys nonsense.

She wanted to wear a teatowel, not tinsel, and kicked up a fuss until she got her way. I don't know what she's doing now, but I have a feeling she'll be doing fine in life Grin

skylark2 · 09/12/2014 21:51

I remember being taken rather aback at finding out that one of my fellow mums had made a complaint that the angels in the play were "always blonde" and basically accused the teacher of racism at the Aryan level.

For a start, it wasn't remotely true - my DD (a couple of years older, this was to do with DS's class) had been an angel for the same teacher and isn't blonde, and so was her friend who is ethnically Indian.

DS actually was blond, but wasn't an angel. He was a canopic jar. (It was a slightly strange nativity play.)

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