To not get my sister a graduation card?

[sparklyskyy]

Dsis is 24 and just graduated from uni. We were all (parents, Dsis, my DP and ds) supposed to be going out for dinner to celebrate the night of her graduation however she booked the table for 8.30 which was too late for us as my DS is 18 months and the uni and city is approx 2hrs away so would be too late to take DS all the way there for dinner at that time and back again. After a lot of to-ing and fro-ing we came to the mutual decision that we'd all go out for another meal when she comes back home to live shortly.

My dad called the other night to see if I'd got Dsis a graduation card and tbh it'd completely slipped my mind. I text her on the day to say good luck etc. I'm normally the type of person that buys people cards for everything and I'm usually pretty much on top of it but it never even crossed my mind. My dad was annoyed with me and pretty much demanded that I go and buy one.

This normally wouldn't be an issue but my sister never even bought her nephew a first birthday card or contacted us on the day about it. There was absolutely nothing said by her to us at all about his first birthday and still nothing to this day.

She is quite entitled and totally wrapped up in herself. Whenever she deigns to visit (lucky if it's once a year) we're expected to drop everything by her and our parents.

She's never had a job whereas I've worked in some capacity since I was 15, our parents paid for her to go through uni for the past 5 years (i paid for myself) and now she's going the length and breadth of the country this summer visiting festivals (bank of mum and dad).

Hmmm, this is turning out to be more than a issue about a card, isn't it?

I just don't like to be made out to be the bad one when when she's no angel!

I should buy the card, shouldn't i??

Woah! Sorry for the epic post!

Buy the card then you have the moral high ground to be able to tell her she should make more of an effort with your dc. She sounds very wrapped up in herself and I can see where you are coming from if that helps?

Yes. It's a small thing.
I can see it sticks in your craw the fêting of the lazy princess!

I'd buy the card. You can't make her care unfortunately so it's probably easier to bang one in the post than it is to confront. If she's that self obsessed she will make herself the victim anyway. I'd be childish and forget her birthday card though

Be the bigger person: buy a card, go to the dinner, make a fuss of her.
She has made an amazing achievement and to be fair, it should be recognised.

BUT... at a later date you and her need to have a sit down and she needs to know that she has let you down and that you're hurt by it and that generally she needs to sort it out. (Just don't high jack her graduation to do it!)

Good luck!

If I didn't do it, it would be purely out of spite and I'd rather have the moral high ground .

Will get a 59p one from card factory and hope it's spelt incorrectly!

Dear Sis,

Congratulations on achieving what approximately 40 % of the population manage to achieve.

Love, Sparkly.

Make one - hand prints in paint from her nephew and cover it in glitter. Loads and loads of glitter and not too much glue....

Did you tell your dad she didn't buy your dc a card or present ?
What did he say ?

Ha ha about the handmade card

Our parents know she never acknowledged his birthday they just rolled their eyes and said "you know what she's like"

Wow, Maid - that's harsh! Graduating is a huge deal. Even if the statistics were higher it wouldn't take away from the achievement itself.

She can't be that lazy if she got her degree, get her a blooming card and stop moaning.

^

TheAwfulDaughter has it spot on.

What Chocotrekkie said. As well as the lot of glue and the sparkles, fill the envelope with those little metal or paper confetti things, so they go all over the place when she opens it.

OP tbh you sound massively resentful of your free, single, high-achieving sister. It is not that weird to have not had a full-time job in your early 20s - or any serious job - if you are studying full time.

Agree with AwfulDaughter.

Tell your father to stop checking up on what you've done and ordering you around. That's the bigger issue. You're an adult, he should not be trying to dictate to you this way, and you have your own, independent relationship with your sister that does not have to be mediated by him. Why on earth is he micro-managing you?

It's very hard when parents favour one child above others. The solution is to cut parents out of it and have the relationship that you want to have with your sister. When they aren't front and centre, the fact that your parents make a fuss of her and treat you unfairly will matter less.

And if having a degree is not special because 40% of us manage, well then, having a child is considerably less so.........

I don't mean cut your parents off, by the way, just don't let them be involved in deciding what contact you have with your sister.

And do buy her a card, but in future if she is expecting much more from you than she is ever prepared to give, pull her up on it.

Buy a card or as someone suggested get your ds to make one with limited glue and lots of glitter. You look mean if you don't do something.

Clearly sarcastic. And for info, I have been known to write in new baby cards:

Congratulations on achieving a basic biological goal.

(Only when I know it will be received well!)

My apologies then - I obviously need to get to know your sense of humor better! Sarcasm doesn't carry well in snippets of written form, I'll maybe need you to hold up some sort of sign next time .

Winky winky might have served me well, in this case!