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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get my sister a graduation card?

85 replies

sparklyskyy · 04/07/2014 16:36

Dsis is 24 and just graduated from uni. We were all (parents, Dsis, my DP and ds) supposed to be going out for dinner to celebrate the night of her graduation however she booked the table for 8.30 which was too late for us as my DS is 18 months and the uni and city is approx 2hrs away so would be too late to take DS all the way there for dinner at that time and back again. After a lot of to-ing and fro-ing we came to the mutual decision that we'd all go out for another meal when she comes back home to live shortly.

My dad called the other night to see if I'd got Dsis a graduation card and tbh it'd completely slipped my mind. I text her on the day to say good luck etc. I'm normally the type of person that buys people cards for everything and I'm usually pretty much on top of it but it never even crossed my mind. My dad was annoyed with me and pretty much demanded that I go and buy one.

This normally wouldn't be an issue but my sister never even bought her nephew a first birthday card or contacted us on the day about it. There was absolutely nothing said by her to us at all about his first birthday and still nothing to this day.

She is quite entitled and totally wrapped up in herself. Whenever she deigns to visit (lucky if it's once a year) we're expected to drop everything by her and our parents.

She's never had a job whereas I've worked in some capacity since I was 15, our parents paid for her to go through uni for the past 5 years (i paid for myself) and now she's going the length and breadth of the country this summer visiting festivals (bank of mum and dad).

Hmmm, this is turning out to be more than a issue about a card, isn't it? Grin

I just don't like to be made out to be the bad one when when she's no angel!

I should buy the card, shouldn't i??

OP posts:
doobledootch · 04/07/2014 22:18

I'd probably just take the card when you go for the local meal.

Not quite sure why you're getting a hard time for finding your spoilt younger sister a tad annoying, post this on a different night you'd probably be advised to go NC with the toxic narcissist Hmm

BlackeyedSusan · 05/07/2014 00:01

next time your dad goes on about it, tell him that you assumed that sis and you were not doing cards as she never reciprocates.

when they demand you are available, tell them that it is not convenient for you. (if it isn't,) suggest other dates.

try not to care what your dad thinks on the matter. you are an adult and it is up to you to manage the relationship with your sister in a mutually convenient way.

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 05/07/2014 06:48

There's 10 years between us mrsjayy

I don't really think that her being young and a student is an excuse to be completely self absorbed, selfish and to not give a hoot about anyone other than herself. Which is what I'm most annoyed about. Not about whether to get her a card or not. I will, to keep the peace.

I just wish she took an interest in other people's lives a bit.

On reflection maybe I should've gone to the dinner myself. I've tried and tried over the years and I can't really be bothered anymore as we've never got any closer. We're just too different I guess.

OP posts:
Cerisier · 05/07/2014 07:16

I say don't send a card as they are such a waste of paper, money and time. Send her an email or text. What is she going to do with the card? Display it for a bit then put it in the recycling. I would ignore your dad on this one personally.

I wouldn't be too harsh on your sister, I suspect she'll grow up over the next few years and you may well become closer.

magpiegin · 05/07/2014 08:14

I'm still baffled as to why your dad is calling you, telling you to send a card? I would be annoyed about that!

Only1scoop · 05/07/2014 08:21

You are right it is about more than a card....

A little resentment on your part re the 1st birthday of your dc and your general feelings towards her.

So annoying being asked and subsequently told to get a card Shock

I think possibly some sour grapes that meal is being deferred due to you not being able to attend until she is home.

GretchenWiener · 05/07/2014 08:22

people get CARDS for this?

lljkk · 05/07/2014 09:01

Where I'm from people get big chunks of money for graduating as gifts, too.

Solution obvious, no? Make a card from your 1yo son? You can write the words but he can scribble on the card. Any random scribbling will do. Very personal touch that way.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 05/07/2014 09:03

There are also 'congratulations on becoming a grandparent' cards.

Apparently that's a thing now.

LondonRocks · 05/07/2014 09:07

Don't send one if you don't want to. You can say it when you see her.

Mage sounds like a spoilt brat, tbh.

LondonRocks · 05/07/2014 09:08

Mage?! * she

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 05/07/2014 09:30

'Ah well Dad, it's a bit like when Sis didn't get DS a card or even get in touch on his birthday. I know, if she asks why I didn't get her a graduation card, why don't you just tell her that she knows what I'm like? By the way, we were thinking of taking DS to the children's tent at X and X festivals - shall I send you the bill, or are you just planning on paying for Dsis's entertainment this summer?'

Pimpf · 05/07/2014 09:53

So you're going to go along with it to keep the peace?

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 05/07/2014 09:55

Sounds like we share a sister op, I could have written this myself practically! But yes I'd just get a card to keep the peace Grin

LondonRocks · 05/07/2014 10:05

I'm not a fan of doing things we don't mean just to keep the peace.

It means you really cannot moan about if you allows the same behaviour to go on unchallenged or unremarked on.

LondonRocks · 05/07/2014 10:06

Sorry for typos!

Original poster
sparklyskyy · 05/07/2014 10:23

Some of these posts are making me laugh! Grin

Yes, I would send a card to keep the peace.. It wouldn't be worth the fall out!

My dad phoning to check whether I've done something and if not, why not is nothing new so I never thought anything of that! More annoyed that they know she didn't acknowledge DS's 1st birthday but I've to acknowledge and more with her graduation.

OP posts:
Brittabot · 05/07/2014 10:35

Why don't you go to her graduation dinner without DH and DS?

DoJo · 05/07/2014 10:50

Send your dad a card - that will confuse them all!

maddy68 · 05/07/2014 11:06

You seem to have issues with your sister. However this is a bloody card. Why make a song and dance about it.

Mmmicecream · 05/07/2014 11:15

I honestly think that a graduation is a MUCH bigger deal than a first birthday so not really a tit for tat situation. And I honestly would think that holding a grudge about lack of acknowledgement of a first birthday is a silly thing to worry about - someone in my family complained about someone else doing that and my first thought was that she was being a bit of a drama queen

Writerwannabe83 · 05/07/2014 11:22

Graduations are over rated. And getting a card?
Seems like there's a card for everything these days Smile

A lot of 'lazy' people go to Uni and still get their degree. Seeing as in some courses you only need a mark of 40% to pass an assignment or exam - and so I assume you can get a degree based on 40% - it's hardly saying the students are all brainy and work hard Grin

trufflesnout · 05/07/2014 11:34

Oh ffs this again! Writer if you pass uni with 40% you get less than a third class classification. OP's DSis got a 2:1 which mean she averaged 60%+ throughout (bear in mind classification for first class starts at 70%, not 100% (and not to make it easier - 70% is excellent, 80% more so & 90%+ can be quite unusual in certain subject areas)).

Appreciate your sister is self absorbed OP but tbh we haven't really had much proof of that other than she forgot your DS's birthday, I'm sure there are other instances. Text her congrats and say sorry you can't be there, and if your dad goes on and on about a flipping card then tell him why you haven't.

Don't keep the peace and don't let it fester.

RevoltingPeasant · 05/07/2014 11:53

Ffs the standard pass mark for UK undergraduate degrees is 40. This is not new, nor is it "some courses".

For M-level degrees (MSc, MA, MPhil etc) it is usually 50.

This doesn't make those easy to achieve. You have to do a fair amount to get a pass.

And bearing in mind that the vast majority of people attend university will not get marks over 70, a 2:1 is not to be sneezed at. To put it in context, I think I have marked one dissertation, in 8 years of teaching, at 80. Nothing above.

I really hate people slagging off lazy students. My students work hard, and all the mature students who come in with certain ideas about silly young 18yos soon change their tune. Stop pissing on other people's achievements.

RevoltingPeasant · 05/07/2014 11:54

*who attend university