To not get my sister a graduation card?

[sparklyskyy]

Dsis is 24 and just graduated from uni. We were all (parents, Dsis, my DP and ds) supposed to be going out for dinner to celebrate the night of her graduation however she booked the table for 8.30 which was too late for us as my DS is 18 months and the uni and city is approx 2hrs away so would be too late to take DS all the way there for dinner at that time and back again. After a lot of to-ing and fro-ing we came to the mutual decision that we'd all go out for another meal when she comes back home to live shortly.

My dad called the other night to see if I'd got Dsis a graduation card and tbh it'd completely slipped my mind. I text her on the day to say good luck etc. I'm normally the type of person that buys people cards for everything and I'm usually pretty much on top of it but it never even crossed my mind. My dad was annoyed with me and pretty much demanded that I go and buy one.

This normally wouldn't be an issue but my sister never even bought her nephew a first birthday card or contacted us on the day about it. There was absolutely nothing said by her to us at all about his first birthday and still nothing to this day.

She is quite entitled and totally wrapped up in herself. Whenever she deigns to visit (lucky if it's once a year) we're expected to drop everything by her and our parents.

She's never had a job whereas I've worked in some capacity since I was 15, our parents paid for her to go through uni for the past 5 years (i paid for myself) and now she's going the length and breadth of the country this summer visiting festivals (bank of mum and dad).

Hmmm, this is turning out to be more than a issue about a card, isn't it?

I just don't like to be made out to be the bad one when when she's no angel!

I should buy the card, shouldn't i??

I was just posting based on my experiences.
No generalisations were intended

What is this obsession with cards? It's really just another marketing scam by card manufacturers, I don't know why we all meekly go along with it.

There are many many other instances over the years which I won't bore you all with so I suppose I was just giving you a snap shot with this.

As I've said, I will get the card. I don't think she's lazy, just self absorbed!

I actually think a graduation is more important than a first Birthday as a one year old won't even know it's their birthday. But I'm probably missing the point.

I would not get her a card. People need to stop pandering to your ds otherwise she will get worse. Why do people enable this behaviour?

I actually don't think your sister is the big problem here, your parents are. Yes, she is self absorbed but your parents indulge her. They seem to be playing favourites and playing you off against each other. Paying her way through uni and for her to enjoy luxuries like festivals while you had to pay your own way is a big disparity in the way they treat you and was bound to cause tension and resentment. I say be the bigger person, buy the card and don't let them cause drama or cast you as the bad daughter. But after this is over take a good look at the way they treat you.

I agree with Topaz except that it may just be a product of the large age gap meaning they had more cash at that stage. Or that her dad favoured his own daughter. As it was him who phoned about the card. Or a combination.

It is about more than a card.

however, I think you need to accept and be at peace with the fact that your relationship with her is what it is, and is never going to be the same with your other siblings. It's ok not to be especially close to siblings. many aren't close without there being any angst.

I agree this is about more than a card, but where do you draw the line? There will always be something, are you prepared to do anything to keep the peace?

In the future would you be happy to give in to your ds in order to keep the peace? She is the youngest of the family and is still being treated like a baby, so she'll keep on activist like one. Fine if your ok with that, but you're not.

You originally asked whether you were bing unreasonable to not get your sister a card. Yanbu, however you can't then go and get her one and then moan about it.

Send her an e-card to save the environment!

I wouldn't send one.

Life is too short to do things that will cause you to feel resentful.

My sister is like this - she's 42 now and showing no sign of changing - if anything she's getting worse but our parents still bail her out and still say, 'You know what she's like' when she hurts others with her selfish ways.

Your sister is also unlikely to change because your parents are clearly afraid to challenge her.