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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your views :- Is being a mum a job.

236 replies

ICanSeeTheSun · 03/07/2014 19:05

I can not decide if being a mum is a job.

I do see this a lot on Facebook, under employment is full time mummy.

Aibu to think if a mum is a job I want my employment rights, such as 21 day holiday.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 04/07/2014 18:14

Is voluntary work a "job"? Bearing in mind that people are often committed to certain hours and shifts etc when doing it.

melissa83 · 04/07/2014 18:18

I know a lot of Tiana 'mummyto2boyz' Smith. Works for 'full time mummy' profiles. With the what I like to do part saying'ask my sons I work for them'. They also have the 'I cant believe my babys dad shagged some whore now hes coming round here with his scabby cock. He makes me sick wait till I see them out' Then 60 comments with the lot of them arguing. Thats facebook for you.

Rinkydinkypink · 04/07/2014 18:19

Being a mum isn't a job in terms of employment and taxes. If your a sahm full time then it does mean your occupied full time by the dc. Your busy, very busy!

The level of work involved does equal if not exceed that of full time employment. Ask any childminder or nanny!

SirChenjin · 04/07/2014 18:20

No, it's voluntary work.

It's like putting on your makeup. That's not a job - although people have jobs that involve putting make up on other people, and they get paid for it. Or typing your thesis - that's not a job, but there are people who get paid for doing that for other people. Or gardening. Or cleaning our windows. Or caring for our relatives. We do things for ourselves but it's only once we pay others to do that 'thing' that it becomes a job.

numptieseverywhere · 04/07/2014 18:28

any wohm who seriously has an issue with the term 'full-time mum' to describe a sahm, has a massive chip on their shoulders.

NickiFury · 04/07/2014 18:30

Those things are different imo. In that they are not imperative things. Caring for dc, essentially keeping them alive is work that has value, it is necessary and you would have to pay a decent salary to get someone else to do it. Therefore imo that work is worth the value of what you would have to pay someone to do it. No one else can do my work because I can't afford to pay someone to do it (I have two dc with ASD) therefore my work has that value and it is my job to do it. No I am not employed but it is my job.

StackALee · 04/07/2014 19:46

'full time mum' is stoopid, if only because no one ever uses the phrase 'full time dad'.

I am a full time muM even if I work and my DH is a full time dad.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 04/07/2014 19:49

numpties I don't think the issue is with the term 'full time mum', I think it's with the notion that those of us who go out to work or study are only part-time mums.

Come October I'll still be a full-time mum, even if DD is in the nursery across campus.

SirChenjin · 04/07/2014 21:25

Full time mum? Wtf is that?! DH and I aren't p/t parents because we both work - what a silly notion that only SAHPs can be full time parents.

7Days · 04/07/2014 21:35

well wohms are obviously full time parents, but they aren't doing the work of parenting while they are at work. how can they, they are mentally and physically occupied performing other tasks for those 40 hours

the state of being a mother is distinct from the work of mothering

Trapper · 04/07/2014 21:36

Would you define Father as a job OP?

Trapper · 04/07/2014 21:37

And does having a job make me a part-time dad?

SirChenjin · 04/07/2014 21:42

That's different 7Days - you're talking about spending time with them, as opposed to being a parent. I never stop being a parent, regardless of whether I'm at work, at the shops, out with friends, doing voluntary work. I would imagine that there are very, very few parents who spend every single waking moment with their children year in, year out - but that doesn't stop us from being full time parents. That role doesn't stop simply because we're involved in other tasks.

7Days · 04/07/2014 21:49

I am talking about doing that 40 hours worth of parenting work as distinct from spending that 40 hours engaged in dentistry or carsales or whatever.

Of course everyone is still being a parent when they go to work, but you are not doing it. You are doing something else for those hours

Lweji · 04/07/2014 21:55

Parenting could be a job

Being a mum is not a job as neither is being a father.

I am a full time mother, but I only take direct care of my child part of the time.
I prefer stay at home parent.

SirChenjin · 04/07/2014 21:59

But that is distinct from being a full time parent - although I don't agree that parenting (ie looking after your children) is a job anyway. A parent is a always parent (imo) regardless of whether or not you are actually in the child's presence - and as I said, very few parents are in their child's presence 100% of the time.

A stay at home parent is a much better way of describing what you do with your time.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/07/2014 21:59

I like the term full time mum to describe somebody who does this all the time.
it doesn't matter if you work or not you are still a full time mum.
somebody who works isn't going to say I'm a full time mum anyway, they'll say whatever job they do whilst not at home.
Why does it matter/ if you find your own job description you are happy with, that's all that matters.
On here, i'd describe myself as a sahm because its a few letters. To my friends and family I'm just me who does lots of things and has lots of interests.

7Days · 04/07/2014 22:04

I think we're on the same page actually. I was drawing the distinction between the noun and the verb, but, yes I agree sahp is a better term than full time mum

morethanpotatoprints · 04/07/2014 22:04

Oh and being a mum is a job to me as is doing some housework, or H.ed etc. It's what occupies my time, my occupation.
I don't care that others don't see it as a job that's their business what they see as their job.

DizzyKipper · 04/07/2014 22:20

There does seem to be an assumption that comes up that if you work you automatically can't be doing as much parenting as some one who doesn't work. Personally I think that's just too simplistic, work isn't the only factor that takes you away from actively parenting. People get family members babysitting their children just because they want to spend time with them, single parent households might mean the child is away so many times a week with the other parent, and then even what about sleep? Is a non-working parent who has to get up at night even more 'FT' than a non-working parent whose child sleeps through? What if it was the working parent with the child up every few hours whilst the non-working one has a child that never stirs? Does that mean it evens out?

In my situation, despite me being a working parent and my SIL not having a job, I know absolutely that if you totted it all up I definitely was doing the work of parenting a lot more than her. I worked nights (had to stop now pregnant) so would be around for the day, would be up all night, and then back home to be around all day again looking after a toddler (obviously I could only do this so many times a week!). I never had anyone babysit DD (no opportunity for anyone to and DD was very high needs as well) where as SIL has her son stay overnight at MIL's every week so she has 'time off' regularly. I have to manage on my own everyday until DH gets home as I live in quite an isolated area where as SIL lives a 5min walk from her sister and mum so pretty much spent every day with them and had 2 extra pair of hands to help her. I'm not writing this to complain about having less help and having to do more, despite it sometimes being really hard I love being a parent and do think it's the best 'job' in the world. But I do want to illustrate that you really can't judge "who does more" just based on their employment status alone, there's so much more to it than that. And I don't really think parenting is a 'job', let alone one to describe yourself as doing FT - we're all doing it FT, whether or not some one happens to be doing it actively more than you or not.

Sillylass79 · 04/07/2014 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreengreengrass · 04/07/2014 23:01

It's a role not a job. Hard work at times but not a job.

I also dislike the phrase 'full time mummy' for mothers who stay at home with their children or just don't work. Anyone woman with a child is a 'full time mummy'. Would you ever hear a father who stayed at home to care for his child call himself a full time daddy?

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 04/07/2014 23:48

I hate the whole "baby's are a choice" thing. Actually the sole purpose of our being is to re-produce. We as humans are meant to have children. Surely NOT having children is a choice (fertility issues etc aside of course)?

Having a job is a choice.

Being a parent is a job. Just that no one employs you. The hours are longer than an actual job and there are no sick days, lunch breaks or days off.

Having said that I loathe the term full time mummy. I'm a full time mum with a part time job. You are a SAHM!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 05/07/2014 00:02

IsChippy If not having children is a choice, doesn't that make having children the alternative choice... therefore, still a choice?

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 05/07/2014 00:03

(not disagreeing with you, by the way, just wondering. And I agree about loathing the term full time mum, as though the rest of us are only mothers part-time)

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