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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you should only resign

99 replies

Verycold · 02/07/2014 22:47

...when you have a new job to go to?

Dh is having a really tough time at work and wants to give up, but as he is the main breadwinner I want him to wait until he has a new job. He feels that I'm totally unsupportive, am I?

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 02/07/2014 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigSuprise · 02/07/2014 22:50

What notice does he have to give?

MuttonCadet · 02/07/2014 22:50

It's certainly easier to get a job if your in a job, but being in a job you hate is really difficult.

I'd be encouraging him to look for a new job but remain in the current one.

KaFayOLay · 02/07/2014 22:51

My friend's dh resigned beginning of 2012, absolutely certain he would walk into another job.

Their house is currently on the market as no job and his part time ones don't pay enough to cover the bills.

I'd try and encourage him to stay put until he has secured something else.

MsVestibule · 02/07/2014 22:51

How bad are things at work for him? Is it affecting his mental or physical health? Could you manage without his wage?

GreeboOgg · 02/07/2014 22:51

Well he won't be entitled to JSA for a certain number of weeks (running into months if I remember correctly, it's a while since I worked for DWP) if he resigns, so you really need to consider whether you can afford to lose the main income.

If not, then I agree with you, regardless of which partner/income is being lost, if it isn't financially feasible then you need something else to move into before you quit.

A rotten job or work atmosphere is unbelievably stressful though so much sympathy to your DH

Original poster

Verycold · 02/07/2014 22:53

What about child tax credits? Was wondering if we could claim them?

OP posts:

Finola1step · 02/07/2014 22:57

It really depends on the situation.

Yes, it does make sense to get a new job first an I have always believed that it is easier to get a new job if you are currently employed.

That said, if the current job is having a significant impact on your dh's mental health and well being, then this will certainly make it very difficult for him to secure a new job first and resigning pronto may be the best option.

What is his resignation period? Do you have savings to fall back on? Are you able to increase your own earning potential to cushion the blow?

EBearhug · 02/07/2014 22:58

I'd certainly have to get another job before quitting. But I have had former colleagues who did just quit - it depends on your financial situation, whether you can take the risk.

I'd sit down with him, do all the sums to see if it's as all feasible, and see what his plans are - is his CV up to date, how is the job market for his skill set/your area? How long can you cushion him being unemployed? What plans would you have if he doesn't get another job easily? Has he skills gaps which could do with brushing up before he goes?

If it were me, I'd probably be making sure the pros and cons worked firmly in favour of him having to get another job before quitting - but I do understand how bad it can be. I've written my fantasy resignation letter more than once. (That can be quite cathartic, actually, though don't actually send it, especially if it's really honest!)

GreeboOgg · 02/07/2014 22:59

Probably, but you'd need to read the entitlement criteria and find out an estimate of what you would get before you did something as drastic as quitting a full time income. As KaFayOLay has pointed out, you can be a very long time between jobs these days.

If you're working or working part time there may be a WTC element you're entitled to as well during the interim?

GreeboOgg · 02/07/2014 23:01

Tax Credit calculator might not be accurate to the very last penny or pound, but will give you an estimate.

GreeboOgg · 02/07/2014 23:04

Access to a few more calculators here as you may find, depending on your circs, that you'd be entitled to a % of housing benefit and council tax benefit.

RedSoloCup · 02/07/2014 23:05

Hi OP, not read all but when DH was made redundant we had to wait over a year to get help from tax credits as it goes on your last years earnings not current earnings.
I think your OH is BU he needs to find another job before he just quits the one he has unless he knows someone else will snap him up immediately.
He can't even claim jobseekers I don't think if it was his decision to leave.

erin99 · 02/07/2014 23:06

When I was in a really tough situation with work and considering chucking myself under a bus, I think it saved my mental health to know DH would support me no matter what. For richer, for poorer and all that.

You are right, it is much better to hang on until you get a new job, but if it's a crisis then resigning is better than some alternatives. It's important for him to know you'll back him all the way and you'll get through it together. Could you help in other ways - get a 2nd job or increase your hours to relieve the pressure on him? I think being the main earner can add a significant pressure of its own. Also depends on the job market in his sector, your savings, how much of a pay cut you can take.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 02/07/2014 23:09

what does he do?

afraid to say that everyone I know who did this struggled to get a new job and when they did it was crappier than the one they left

he needs to use his unhappiness to focus his mind on finding a new job

Original poster

Verycold · 02/07/2014 23:13

Yes I think he wants me to say his hapiness is more important than anything else - but what if he doesn't find another job, what do we do then??

OP posts:

PinklePurr · 02/07/2014 23:13

Tax Credits can take a while to sort out. Mine took 5 weeks and although they were backdated I had to borrow from my parents to pay bills. I don't recommend it as a career choice.

GreeboOgg · 02/07/2014 23:21

I don't think anyone is recommending Tax Credits as a career choice, but if you have to take a drop in income, for what you hope is the short term, you need to know how much (or in most cases, how little) help you'll actually get.

The key factors are does your DH HAVE to leave his job (as in, does he really hate it, or is the stress genuinely damaging his health and well being) and if he does, just how far up shit creek sans paddle will you be?

If he absolutely cannot face going into work then I'd want to have all the facts regarding the financial storm about to hit. But I'd also recommend thinking of benefits and tax credits as a bonus, should you happen to be entitled. Really you need to consider whether he and yourself can find enough casual or PT work to keep you afloat indefinitely.

TheFallenMadonna · 02/07/2014 23:22

When my DH was in that situation, and I was a SAHM, I got a full time job, he resigned, took 3 months break then started a new job. Put like that, it sounds a bit pat. None of it was easy. But our roles are up for frequent negotiation as circumstances change.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 02/07/2014 23:23

i had this with dh last year and pointed out that whilst his happiness was important it wasn't more important than being able to keep a roof over the kids heads

he spent 6 months finding the right job and he is now very happy there. your dh needs to get his head down and start looking

(caveat - this assumes there is no bullying/harassment/mental health issues and it is just being ground down)

Original poster

Verycold · 02/07/2014 23:24

Trouble is that I can't easily take on the breadwinner role - had long sahm break and now there aren't really any jobs around in my field

OP posts:

BeatriceBean · 02/07/2014 23:24

Is he a teacher by any chance? Not uncommon sadly :(

TheFallenMadonna · 02/07/2014 23:27

I am the teacher in my marriage! I think the OP is too, although I may have got muddled...

curiousgeorgie · 02/07/2014 23:33

My DH quit a job he hated a few years ago and was confident that with savings he could be out of work for 5 months and we would be okay, he was only out of work for one and so much happier, but I was still really uneasy about it.

williaminajetfighter · 02/07/2014 23:33

I had the same discussion with my DH this evening. He wants to quit but as someone who has done a lot if interviewing candidates I know how much priority is given to candidates in employment.

So I would encourage him to stick at it but give himself a target date for leaving - eg 6 months. Just knowing that he's actively working towards leaving will make a big difference to his day to day.

I feel for him though. It's tough being the main breadwinner and even trickier when his is the sole income.

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