how to handle an expressing mother in class. WWYD?

[susanjones123]

NC because this will definitely out me to any colleagues or students.

One of my students (I'm an HE lecturer) had 6 months off recently to have a baby. She's now returned to study which is great and we are delighted to have her back. The department has been very accommodating for her and let her miss classes, leave early when necessary, bring her baby to meetings etc.

So far, so fine.

She's still BFing and using expressed milk when her DH does the feeding. She uses an electric pump. The problem is that she uses the pump in the classroom. I don't mean in the actual class, during the lectures but at the beginning when everyone is arriving and sometimes during group work activities. I, personally, find this very off-putting (not putting me off my teaching but just generally quite off-putting) and other students have commented quite negatively.

As the main academic she has contact with, I feel as though it falls to me to have a word about this but I'm really unsure how to handle it.

I bottle-fed both of mine from day 1 so I'd really appreciate the experiences of people who have BF on this, please.

(I accept the irony of posting about the 'real world' on this thread, mind ...).

Thenapole I didn't pump in the foyer of my building because I'm not as brave as this woman and because ignorant idiots like most of the people on this thread would have made me uncomfortable. I also couldn't be arsed to schlep my pump from the car to the building and find a comfortable spot.

My shortcoming there but I don't give a shit about what you think is acceptable. And again, what does that even mean? Why does it matter if a woman has a plastic funnel under her top collecting a bit of milk. Why?

Maybe the mum needs to express when she arrives at college, because she hadn't been able to breastfeed for a couple of hours at that point. Maybe her breasts suddenly feel overfull when a lecture is starting. It happens. I was expressing when I went back to work and I really struggled to fit expressing into my schedule which was quite busy. Particularly as it took me about 20 minutes to do it.

The suggestion is that it would be better for this woman to miss part of her lecture than for students to have to be in a room with her while she does it, even though she's discrete and it would be easy for them to ignore it and get on with their work.

Quangle - students don't have to watch the mum expressing. They can get on with their work. It's not like she's standing in front of the OP doing star jumps with her tits out.

Unfair to stereotype here ( other students being spoilt young things). The other students might be deeply discomfited by this. Imagine an elderly man on the course - my dad say. He'd be mortified. He tried his hardest to be ok for me when I was Bfing but it's not his natural métier . And he doesn't hang out on MN .

Not fair to trample over the social preference for everyone to behave in certain commonly accepted ways in public because she wants to do this right there and then. It's not a discrimination issue because her choice of place and time is simply not necessary in any real sense.

I'd tell your bigoted, discriminatory 'other students' who have 'expressed concerns' that misogyny has no place in an educational establishment, tbh.

The woman has a legal right to express milk or to feed an infant. You are treading on very thin ice to even try to make her feel uncomfortable about this. The other students do not have a legal right to never feel uncomfortable- if they felt uncomfortable with a student who had a particular disability, wore particular clothes, or was from a particular ethnic group/sexuality/etc, they would be told in no uncertain terms that they were the problem. The same is true in this case. Perhaps those students who have complained need to be warned that they face disciplinary action if they continue to verbally abuse a fellow student to a lecturer?

Off putting?

Poor you.

Find out what is the policy for staff needing to express milk during the working day (and there should be one!) and apply it to students.
Find her a private place, access to a fridge, adjust the course breaks to accommodate her needs and make it clear that your classroom is a professional workplace. You don't get your tits out in a workplace (or scratch your bum, text your mates, put your feet on the table, eat your crisps or do any of the other perfectly normal things that you might do in the privacy of your own home!)

And then explain firmly to the rest of the class that bf and expressing is the normal way to feed a baby and they need to get over it.

Have read on - I take that back. Poor them :o

quangle - yes, the 'Julian' comment was stereotyping. But, sorry, your elderly dad should get over himself.

People are allowed to breastfeed in public. I don't really follow how discreet pumping is so very different?

I know of plenty of people who'd be culturally upset, and shocked, at being asked to work with an [insert racist epithet].

Should I pander to them too?

I think doing it during group work is almost a bit disrespectful to those she's doing group work with- like her need to express is more important than giving the group her full attention. If the group work tasks are a regular thing and important then I think it's fair enough to say she ought to be giving them her full attention, and not distracting other students who are trying to concentrate on the task.

There may be students in the class for whom the loud hum makes it harder for them to hear what others are saying during group work, which does seem unfair to me. Someone suggested that one or other student should be moved in this case- however, at my university, this would not have been possible, especially on core modules. In this case, I think the minority (the expresser) should give way if more people are struggling to hear.

I do think the current group of students who are the first to pay £9000 fees are more demanding about their university experience. For them, it's about getting value for money. Many are already unhappy with low contact hours, and so won't appreciate their limited lecture time being disrupted in such a way. Maybe in some ways they are being silly and immature about breast milk, but I think it's more a wider symptom of the changing culture of "students as consumers".

I don't think it's the same as a place of work as such, because other people there are arguably paying for a service, rather than being paid- in some ways it's more similar to someone expressing in a cinema, which I would see as unnecessarily disruptive.

I wouldn't want to watch someone express. If I was trying to work in a group situation next to someone running a breast pump, I'd find it very distracting and annoying. Breastfeeding fine - a breast pump, no. Don't think so. Bit much.

Yes, many students are unhappy with low contact hours.

Often the same ones who fail to show up for them ...

I reckon a student who's made an effort to attend despite needing to pump is doing pretty well on the committment front.

Why do think she'd need to 'get her tits out'? Isn't that edger rating for the sake of making it sound more dramatic than it is?

Speaking of the baby Jesus. WWJD? He'd probably be like fair play, crack on m'love.

exaggerating

Quangle - if someone is discomfited by a behaviour that is intrinsically harmless and not indecent, like gays holding hands, morbidly obese people wearing cycle shorts, old people snogging, or indeed, women expressing or breastfeeding, the general rule of thumb is to expect them to suck it up.

Why would you need to watch?

Oh, has the OP said the pump admits a 'loud hum'?

Loud humming pumps not good.

Hand expressing or quiet pump fine then.

The only people who'll be distracted are the ones staring at the mums tits while she expresses.

You know the words 'discuss' and 'compromise' are often solutions to problems. Stridently marching around demanding your rights, using deliberately provocative language (or childish "ooh look I've just mentioned periods. I hope I've really shocked you" type comments) just drowns out any chance of reasonable discussion to find a solution that works for everone.

Seriously, some of the posts on here sound like the kind of 'I'm a rebel I am' type of crap 18 yr old students come out iwth - usually about a 'cause' that no one's actually against, just trying to find a practical solution to.

Woodlice

The 'practical solution' if for the mum to carry on expressing and for the other students to stop watching her do it and get on with their work.

vintage - what exactly is wrong with the practical solutions suggested?

Either a room should be found for her, or she and students with incompatible difficulties should be put in different classes. Or, of course, the OP could take advantage of the much-mentioned fact that term's basically ended and this is not a real problem.