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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that actually a lot of women secretly think like this about having a boy?

238 replies

channing55 · 30/06/2014 09:16

I just read in the papers about this silly woman who had a boob job on the NHS, is now pregnant and said if she had known it was a boy she would have had an abortion and is drinking and smoking throughout her pregnancy because she doesn't care because it's a boy.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2673898/Im-drinking-smoking-boy-Pregnant-model-boob-job-NHS-says-shed-abortion-shed-known-wasnt-girl.html

I know most women who are pregnant with a boy wouldn't go to the extreme of having an abortion or smoking and drinking but I have heard so many negative remarks from mums pregnant with a boy about how disappointed they are and even when I was pregnant people made rude comments about (me) having a boy.

I actually think a lot of women are secretly disappointed when they find out they are having a boy and that this woman's horrible attitude is just an extreme example of how much prejudice and nastiness there is now towards little boys and the nasty cliches society now attributes to them?

OP posts:
YouMakeMeHappy · 30/06/2014 12:14

Confused I thought if anything, boys were preferred.

At least I thought most people wanted a boy first. If I could only have one I'd want a boy

LiberalLibertines · 30/06/2014 12:15

Is it that Josie what's her name? If women secretly think like that twat we're all doomed.

I was delighted to find out I was having a boy?! Then delighted to be having a girl. I would have loved two boys though, the whole thing is just ridiculous.

AlleyCat11 · 30/06/2014 12:18

I've got a mate who's half way through her pregnancy. She openly states that she will be devastated if it's a boy. Her gender scan is coming up shortly. She already has two boys. Her names list consists of girls names only. Her husband pays no attention, but she did delay having this baby for a long time, purely because of the gender issue. Some friends are actually worried that she'll have a boy..,

labelwriter · 30/06/2014 12:23

When I first found out I was having a boy, I admit I was slightly disappointed but never told anyone, But I would never in a million years have done anything to harm him during the pregnancy. I don't really know much about this woman but she is ridiculous and just seems to say anything for publicity and money. Now I love having a boy, have a girl as well and I love how straight forward my boy is, so loving and fun and such a mummy's boy (which I do nothing to discourage!)

Pancakeflipper · 30/06/2014 12:24

I was relieved when DS1 was born.

But that's cos I had a tricky relationship with my mother and was worried how I would cope with girls.

GatoradeMeBitch · 30/06/2014 12:26

I think it's a little more understandable if you have a girl/boy already and want one of the other gender. I hope so anyway. A YouTuber I follow had one little girl already, and the day she announced she was expecting twin girls it was like 90% of her subscribers called a day of mourning. The comments were nearly all things like 'It's OK! You will have a boy next time!' 'Oh jeez, I'm sorry, but all babies are a blessing!' 'Don't worry, there's still time to meet your boy!'

I can't help thinking that Josie woman has been misquoted. Until I see a direct quote I don't believe it. I saw her on Loose Woman, quite upset at how she'd been portrayed. She just seems to be the Official Woman We All Hate at the moment. I bet Samantha Brick and Katie Price love her.

GooseyLoosey · 30/06/2014 12:28

I wanted a girl as I thought it would be easier as I am a girl and understand them better. My son looks like me, acts like me and reacts like me and looking into his eyes is like looking into my own soul. I love my daughter more than I can say but she is so different to me in every way that sometimes we struggle to understand each other.

bonkersLFDT20 · 30/06/2014 12:28

Wow, I really, really hope no one thinks my 2 sons are a disappointment to me and that I feel sad that I don't have a daughter.

JoyceDivision · 30/06/2014 12:30

love dd, love ds, they are bothamazing and havesuperb littlequirksandstrengths.never fora moment when pg did i wory about gender

unless people have specific worries re personal family history issues ( eg toxic relationships with a parent) or concerns re potential illnesses that may be gender linked, then can only assume it is a very very stupid person that would have these thoughts

dh never had any pref or concern either

MildDrPepperAddiction · 30/06/2014 12:30

Troll??

Dukketeater · 30/06/2014 12:31

YABVU... Only the emotionally unstable give two shits about the gender of their child!

KEGirlOnFire · 30/06/2014 12:34

I never hid the fact that I wanted a girl. Luckily I got one. I never 'got' boys and struggled to have any sort of relationship with boys of friends of mine.

Now DD is at school however, she has lots of playdates and lots of her friends are boys and they are lovely.

If I am lucky enough to ever have another baby (just turned 40 and having been TTC for over two years now it's highly unlikely), I wouldn't mind what gender it might be. But I still have a preference for girls.

KEGirlOnFire · 30/06/2014 12:36

Dukkeater - I assure you I am not unstable. Some people have a preference based on their own experience within their family.

I come from a family of girls so I 'get' them.

What a ridiculous sweeping statement you make, pathetic.

PumpkinBones · 30/06/2014 12:46

I know a lot of people who have expressed preference for a girl rather than a boy, and those channel 5 progs about people having lots to get a particular gender always seem to
Want girls. I have two boys and I have lost count of the number of people who have asked me if I am going to "try for a girl" (NO) and a couple of people I know on Facebook have had a girl after one or more boys recently, and there is lots of "finally have my little princess" type comments. So anecdotally I would say there is a preference somehow amongst women for girls. However I am seeing that from the perspective of a mother with boys, and my preference was certainly for boys, so perhaps that colours how I see such comments!

AMumInScotland · 30/06/2014 12:47

It's ok to have a preference.

It's ok to feel some disappointment if the child isn't the gender you preferred.

But anyone who feels they're going to be 'devastated' needs to give serious though to how they would handle this, and maybe consider adopting a child instead of taking a 50/50 risk on conceiving one. Or get some counselling on why they have such strong feelings and try to move past them.

And anyone who would consider damaging a child in the womb for any reason at all should do her best to never ever get pregnant, as it is a sign of seriously wrong priorities.

bluebeanie · 30/06/2014 12:49

I'll admit that I wanted a girl at some point and I got pfb dd. However, even if the baby had been a boy I would have fallen in love with him and there is no way I would have done anything to harm him.

TTC no 2 in the not too distant future. I think either sex would be win/win.

I think a fair few parents might prefer one sex over the other and want a certain birth order. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't. That's nature. Babies are a little miracles no matter what.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 30/06/2014 12:50

I come from a family of girls and am quite a 'girly' person. I couldn't be happier with my sons and I'm grateful for them every day. I don't understand gender preferences at all.

CallMeExhausted · 30/06/2014 12:50

Boys are excellent, girls are amazing.

In fact, they are my 2 favourite genders Grin

jellybeans · 30/06/2014 12:51

I'm ashamed to admit I am a sort of former SMoG. I was never that way until I had my own DDs. I quite fancied a boy first actually. But once I had them (2 DDs) i thought DDs were amazing and wanted more of them. All my friends had boys and 3 of them were extremely negative about them and openly 'jealous' of me (their words). Also people were always going on about men being useless, not bothering with their mums etc etc. In addition my mother and grandmother had a huge preference for girls and this may have influenced me. My gran still goes on about daughters better, sons don't bother etc. I did used to feel sorry for people with just boys (I feel so very stupid now!). I'm admitting this because now I look back it was a position of ignorance. So I can often 'see through' a SMoG. Although I struggle to understand those with boys already that are very negative about them. However I never ever voiced this SMoG opinion to anyone. Now I see mums of boys as very very lucky (girls too!).

Guess what I went on to have 3 boys (along with 2 stillborn DDs which was a real wake up call that biological sex is so unimportant, the gift of a child is amazing whatever the sex). As soon as I had my own boys it was like I was meant to be a mum of boys, I adored it. They are every bit as fab as girls. And now I appreciate other people's boys a lot more! With 5 DC I think personality actually influences more than sex anyway. If I was to have another DC I would love to have another boy.

However the 3 friends I mentioned earlier used to annoy me. They openly spoke of their 'desperation' for a DD. One would have considered abortion. Their negativity definitely had an effect on me. 2 of them went on to have a DD and are constantly on about having 'girly days' and pampering them.

I think generally people can flack whether they have all DDs or DSs. People often told me they felt sorry for my DH when we just had DDs. One suggested he had weak sperm!!

I only ever say nice things to people who have had babies no matter what sex their baby they are very lucky! And it is nice to have siblings of the same gender so there re always positives!!

mytwoblackandwhitecats · 30/06/2014 12:52

Yes, as there are hundreds upon hundreds of baby girls just waiting to be adopted.

There were in the 1970s anyway. Things have moved on.

I'm sure one of my friends (who adopted one of each) said girls were preferred even amongst adoptive parents in fact.

susiedaisy · 30/06/2014 12:52

What rubbish.

teaandthorazine · 30/06/2014 12:54

I think this is absolute bollocks. I do know someone who absolutely freaked out when she found out she was having a boy, but she is very, very strange in many other ways too and frankly I feel sorry for her kid whatever the gender

And even she wouldn't dream of smoking and drinking heavily 'because it's a boy'. What utter tosh.

FreeSpirit89 · 30/06/2014 12:59

I was disappointed when I found out I was having a boy, but it passed within minutes. I love my son dearly know and couldn't imagine him any other way c

Ludoole · 30/06/2014 13:00

When ds1 was born I was elated Grin.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd (and final) child, I hoped for another boy and thats what i got! Grin

KitKat1985 · 30/06/2014 13:01

No, I have heard of people that have gender preferences but I can't say I'm one of them, and I don't think it's always the case that people would rather have girls. Baby number 1 is due for me and DH in Sept and I just wanted baby to be happy and healthy, and didn't mind the gender. As it turns out we're having a girl. DH's grandparents only found this out yesterday (we knew they wanted us to have a boy to 'carry on the family name'). They just went 'oh' when they found out and immediately lost interest in discussing the baby any further. Sad I felt pretty pissed off I can tell you.