To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

[SoonToBeSix]

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

A very long time before this country had an obesity issue sweets were still the norm for children.

Pre and post rationing children would have had sweets regularly , even those who came from poorer families.

EDs must have exsisted but I doubt they were the issue they are now, teeth were rubbish but that was more down to education and lack of dental care.

So what I am getting at is that sweets are not a horror of the modern age. They are a normal and expected part of childhood and should be treated as such.

All this agnst makes me think of an unhealthy relationship with food, not a knowledgeable, balanced attitude to a good diet.

I will never understand why these threads get some people so het up, when the choices one parent makes for their children really don't affect their own.

If wee jimmy doesn't have sweets, it's hardly going to upset little flossie.

Ot, but the other day FIL tried to give DS (15 months) a chocolate banana. MIL was not impressed

I remember of my parents friends who throw away the chocolate advert calendar their ddhad saved her money for as she wanted one like other children.

That is sad london :(

the only sweet that was guaranteed not to kill my severely allergic son was Haribo.

If sugar content is the problem, take the Haribos and avoid the cake. Children do need cake either, that why it is only eaten in special occasions.

Sorry, that should read "children do not need cake either"

Another poster here who had a flat mate at college with food issues from a controlling parent. I'm in my 40's now.

She was never allowed any sweets, chocolate, crisps or anything remotely deemed 'unhealthy'. When I lived with her she lived on cornflakes, dairymilk, chocolate ice cream and quavers. She also had a huge issue with TV as she was only allowed to watch BBC2 for one hour a week. She had a lot of insecurities around this as she had huge holes in the pop-culture of her peers....she also had the TV on constantly.

I think you can wish all you want that your children won't know what they're missing etc if they don't ever have these things but many many posters on this thread have experienced otherwise.

I need cake

Slithy. I know my sister and I had one each (bought by parents) and wanted to give her one of ours and my mum wanted to buy her another but we weren't allowed. Having seen how she turned out I really miss they kept her have it. I think the problem comes from the restricting of something. If you have access its not special.

We don't need lots of things, they are nice as a, you know...treat

Soon you are perfectly entitled to feed you children however you like.

However I strongly feel that you aren't really in a position to complain just because you didn't have the courage of your convictions. If you are so anti sweets why on earth did you give in just because the child cried?

It's not the party Mum's fault that you gave in tbh.

Exactly, that's why I think that cake and Haribos won't harm the child (well, cake can send mine to hospital but that is another story)

I need a bag of chemicals.

Quite frankly ridiculous. I know you don't want sweets being used as a treat or as a prize so as long as you do that the other 364 days a year 1 pack of sweets at a party is not going to undo all your good parenting.

Interested to know, what had happened to your ds after eating the haribo?

what's wrong with raisins?"

On a purely personal level, everything. I hate raisins. If I'd been given some raisins as a prize when I was 3 I'd probably have sat down and wept.

It's tiny bag with a few wee sweeties in it. A treat. Not going to do any harm.

Totally OTT to expect party mum should run everything by you, OP. You should know that parties involve sugary treats like sweets, birthday cake, jelly etc - from your own childhood if nothing else. It's astounding you have two older kids and have never come across sweeties at a party or the fact that most children enjoy them.

Harryhausen I was that child, not allowed sweets except very rarely, lots of homemade yoghurt/bread, never ever allowed the devil's (white) bread, beansprouts and so on. Also not allowed to watch all the same TV programmes as my peers.

You are right- I like children's sweets now in my 40's and I watch a lot of crap telly.

I am not sure why, I am not consciously doing it to be rebellious- I just love children's sweets as I didn't have them very often (from about 7/8 I was allowed them once a week) but I salivate at the thought of them, and eat a lot of Haribo in preference to adult chocolate/goods.

I love crap telly and have it on a lot, all the time. I am not a conscious consumer- I just find it reassuring, and I was pretty excluded by not being able to join in about say things like when Bucks Fizz won the Eurovision Song Contest and I'd never heard of them!

By all means bring your children up as you like, but the idea that restricting sugar will make a jot of difference to their adult tastes is wrong, my aunt was even more hardcore about it and asked everyone not to give her children any sweets- her children are just like me, normal, slightly overweight people. Not watching TV doesn't make you creative, interesting, discerning unless you were heading in that direction anyway.

You know, all debate of sweets being bad or good aside, I really hate the idea of food (any food) being used as a treat or prize. I think food should just be food, enjoyable sustenance.

DH is 27 and still completely treats food as a reward - for a bad day, a good day, a special occasion, a success (even a diet success ), a Friday night etc. It's an unhealthy attitude IMO.

My dds friend has a restricted healthy diet sweets In a blue moon ettc she is the greediest girl ive ever seen dds 16th birthday she wolfed 3 cans of cola and a bowl of sweets , her mum would have had a hissy if she knew , I didnt stuff my dds with sweets when they were younger but the did get them in moderation ime works better

OP, it's not an issue to feel strongly about nutrition but it seems that you are incredibly controlling about them. By never allowing them you're actually creating a negative relationship with food and this will make their lives very difficult when they are older and trying to make their own choices. I'm not saying that YABU for having this view but I do think YABU for the tight control you seem to have.

I don't give my DS sweets because he gets sweets off other people. I've decided to let this slide, as long as it's only a few now and then there is no issue and people don't get offended. At a party I would expect there to be sweets whatever the age of the child, I think you have to let it go unless you want the other children to start picking on your children for having an odd mother. At three I agree that it is very young to be given sweets but people have very different views on things, I don't see why people give children anything other than milk or water either.

Pick your battles, sweets at a birthday party is not a battle you need and it will make no difference to your DC in the long term. If you can't let it go then you need to tell the party host so that they can adjust things accordingly, but this will be irritating to them.

I don't let me girls have sweets at home, we drink water and milk etc etc.

BUt at a party.... YABU.

Least you are realistic about itBeatrice kids party may include sugar

To be expected at a party, yabu.

My dd dislikes haribo but she wouldn't know that if I didn't let her try them.

She does come away from pass the parcel looking a bit resigned!

why is a bag of sugar and chemicals a treat? you know perfectly well why OP. Because kids like sugar and they taste good.

most of our eggs get given away this made my heart sink a bit. Lighten the fuck up. If they can't gorge themselves at Easter, when can they? A treat is something you have occasionally, not NEVER.