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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put a nappy on DS

65 replies

Nymeria01 · 29/06/2014 00:25

Tomorrow I'm driving back home to London from Durrham with my 5 year old DS2. He is prone to not very reliable regarding the toilet and will wait until he is bursting to go. In the car on a motorway I'm thinking it my be wise to put a nappy on him not to replace the toilet but just to take the panic out of getting to a service station in time. He is still in them at night (otherwise it wouldn't be an option) and on the journey up he was wearing one as it was late in the evening. However tomorrow I'm leaving mid day so its a bit different. I would make sure that he was fine with wearing it but I'm still not sure whether it is the right thing to do. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 29/06/2014 00:41

I dont know does he do the mummy im bursting thing or just doesnt go when you asknhim if he needs , if it makes it easier and less stressful just do it, I dont think I would but my dds could hold for hours at 5

Original poster
Nymeria01 · 29/06/2014 01:00

He will not go when I ask him to go, he has a very shot capacity and he just waits until he is bursting, then will make a fuss until he gets to the toilet (or I get him to one) or he wets himself. He will inevitably need to wee on the way back which would be fine except with him its find a toilet within 15 mins max or he wets himself. Considering I would have to get to a service station get him out of his car seat and walk him to the toilet, I'm worried I he will not make that window. Also his car seat would get wet, at least with a nappy on he will be more comfortable if he has an accident, the car wont smell of wee and I can just change.

OP posts:
DustyCropHopper · 29/06/2014 01:00

I know how you feel with regard to the last minute alert to toilet needs, ds2 is like that and he is 6 this week. He can not wee on demand, so check ups are pointless and I can ask him if he needs the toilet as we leave som where and he says no, only to drive 2 minutes down the road and him demand the toilet. He is out of nappies at night. So nappies are not an option. I am not sure I would use one anyway, but have been known in the past on a very rare occasion to give him an empty drink bottle to wee into and dispose of it at the next available stop.

Mrsjayy · 29/06/2014 01:09

Can you take a potty would he go in th at but tbh you are going quite a long way stick a nappy on him and if he objects because its not nighttime just tell him there isnt a toilet for ages

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/06/2014 01:15

I did long car journeys at a similar age to your ds, would announce I needed to go at inconvenient spots. My parents used to distract me. Can he be distracted or is it "I need to and I need to now"?

Original poster
Nymeria01 · 29/06/2014 01:23

Its a "I need to and I need to now" with him. He doesn't announce unless he is about to burst.

OP posts:
DoJo · 29/06/2014 01:32

I agree that a potty or similar might be a good compromise if he refuses to wear a nappy, although it's at least worth suggesting the nappy. What does he usually do in the car? Read/listen to stories/play games? Could you sell it to him as 'this way you won't have to stop x,y or z to go to the loo'? Apart from anything, you don't really want to be driving along waiting for the moment to come as it will be a distraction for you which isn't ideal.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/06/2014 01:35

In that case maybe pull ups, (they still exist right?) might he better than actual nappies? They're like a half way house between nappies and pants, which might work as it's only for a sort time (relatively speaking)?

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/06/2014 01:35

*short

BOFster · 29/06/2014 01:54

I wouldn't (btw, I have a child with disabilities and toileting issues, so I've some experience of these dilemmas), because it's confusing and inconsistent, even with pull-ups. What I would do, however, is line the carseat with one of those mattress pads for bedwetters- cover it with a towel too if you think that is best- and take a change of clothes.

You really need to make it seem like you expect him to wait for the loo, even if you want to be prepared for an accident.

Original poster
Nymeria01 · 29/06/2014 02:13

BOF I understand exactly what your saying. Whenever we are out or at friends ext I expect him and do my utmost to let him know that I expect him to wait for the loo. It's just as Dojo said when driving for what will be about 5ish hours I really could do without the anticipation of him needing a wee as it causes such a drama. I don't have any mattress pads on me (at home a have tons as ds1 is a bedwetter) and as with pull ups don't fancy having to buy them tomorrow when I have a surplus of nappies. Thanks for the advice though, I will follow it next time I have to make a long journey with DS2.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 29/06/2014 02:17

Dsis did put her DDs in nappies on the journey to mine (about 4 hours) up until about 6 I think.

It's not ideal but they are 7 and 10 now and seem fine!

Catrin · 29/06/2014 02:27

I always advise my parents to open a nappy/pull up and put it under a child. That way, if they have the accident it is not the horse trough of piss disaster that a car seat becomes, but doesn;t undermine the triumph of being toilet trained. If easier, sit him in his seat in pants with no trousers. I would be reluctant to revert to a nappy/pull up if at all possible.

OutragedFromLeeds · 29/06/2014 02:33

When he announces he needs to go can you not just let him go at the side of the road/in a bush? Or pull over and give him a cup. I wouldn't worry about finding a service station necessarily.

I would encourage him to go before you leave though. If he is toilet trained then he should have the control to wee on demand. Can you bribe him to go before you leave?

TokenGirl1 · 29/06/2014 05:30

My 4 yo ds is like this and still wears pull ups/nappies on long car journeys.

This year my 5yo dd won't be in them as she can now do without going to the toilet for several hours. Ds is very much like your ds, he can't hold for long and still has to go every hour or so.

It's just stressful doing a long car journey like that if you're worrying about having to rush to find a loo. YANBU.

utterlyconflicted · 29/06/2014 05:34

Can't you just stop and have a wee by the side of the road like we all used to do? Or take a bottle for him to wee into?

LizzieMint · 29/06/2014 05:48

I've done this on long motorway journeys, didn't even consider it to be an issue, just practical. At that age they are old enough to understand it's just for the car journey. Do it, and don't worry about it. We've also done the emergency empty bottle for my DS (now he's out of nappies at night) which my dds found hilarious!

LongTimeLurking · 29/06/2014 06:57

Can't you just take an empty bottle with you and get him to wee into that while still in the car if necessary, then throw it away later?

Seems like a better option than potentially letting him sit in his own piss for hours on end.

mewkins · 29/06/2014 07:12

I would just pull over into a layby. I wouldn't put a nappy on dd (aged nearly 4) as she wouldn't go in it anyway.

MaryWestmacott · 29/06/2014 07:20

Ds is 4 and can do the same thing of saying he doesn't need a wee, then 2 minutes later insisting he does. For a long journey, I'm mean and make him sit on the loo before leaving even if he says he doesn't need to go (often reading a story on there before letting him down), he'll usually do a wee. For a 5 hour drive, can you do that then prep him that he has to try when you get to somewhere with a loo as there will only be a few on the way.

Rather than a nappy, I'd put a folded disposable changing mat on the car seat so it doesn't stink if he has accidents.

GobblersKnob · 29/06/2014 07:27

At five I think you need to explain it to him and see what he wants. We have far flung relatives and have been doing a five/six hour car journey about ten times a year from three months old. Both were out of nappies in the day by two and I would never have considered putting them back in one to travel, ds has wee'd in a bottle couple of times, but otherwise we just stop for a couple of comfort breaks for them, us and the dogs.

eekihaveadate · 29/06/2014 07:29

For DS, who was like this, I used to use an old Lucozade bottle (because it had a wide neck) for him to pee into.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 29/06/2014 07:34

We put pull-ups on DS for ling journeys until he was about 5. Especially for long motorway journeys up the M4 to Wakes for example where there is no option to pull over at the side of the road for example. He never used a potty, went straight from nappies to toilet and no way would he use a potty or pee in a bottle so we discussed it with him and had him wear pull-ups. We wouldn't leave him wet in it of course but if he was busting for a wee and didn't make it we would just pull in to next services and quickly change him. Minimum of fuss and mess and much less distressing for DS as he would get extremely upset if he wet himself. Do what you feel is right for you and DS

kelda · 29/06/2014 07:35

I would go with the pull up. My ds had one for long journeys until quite recently - he rarely used it - but it did take the stress out of the situation. He's another one who waits until bursting before saying he needs to pee.

My girls were a different matter, far more reliable.

You can;t always stop safely on a motorway.

PrueDent · 29/06/2014 07:50

I wouldn't use a nappy for a 5 yo.

A towel under him perhaps. Regular stops. Ask him to use the toilet. Explain that the next time you can stop for a toilet break will be in two hours. That's 120 minutes. That's minutes a long time. That's like lunch time and big play - twice.

I'd also take a bottle or something, just in case and stop in a lay-by.

Plus, I've seen enough adults disappearing behind trees or bushes at the side of the road, I wouldn't think twice about a 5yo doing it.