Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Effectively asked to leave cafe..AIBU or was he?

402 replies

Hoptoit · 28/06/2014 16:56

Today my husband, 3 yo and 2 yo twins went for lunch in a small local cafe that we go to maybe once a month. It's quite informal and I took the pile of kids toys as an indication that families were welcome. The twins were fractious and hungry, and having a bit of a shout, but we ordered food and waited for them to settle. There were about two other tables of people in there at this time.

After we ordered the owner made a comment along the lines of 'give it a rest now kids' which I took as a joke, then about 5 minutes later, after the children's food had arrived, but before my husbands and mine had he came over and said,'your going to have to stop them making this noise, they are disturbing everyone else lunch. It's just not on.'

So, my husband ate a bit of his lunch then took the twins to sit in the car while I picked at mine. Just after he left a lovely lady on the table next to us came over to say she'd heard what he said and was disgusted and wanted me to know she hadn't complained to him about the noise, and that she planned to say something to him when she left. I'm ashamed to say that I was so embarrassed and stressed that this made me cry.

As I went to pay my £30 bill for the mostly uneaten food, he asked me if everything had been ok?! I said I was mortified by what he'd said. He got all chippy and defensive about it so I didn't say anymore.

It has ruined what should have been a lovely day. Twins aren't easy and I am very conscious if not impacting on other people negatively, but this place gives the impression of being child friendly, and we weren't letting them run wild or anything like that.

So what do you think, was he out of line or should we have left sooner? It was a terrible mortifying experience.

OP posts:
areyoumymother · 28/06/2014 19:12

Why didn't you take healthy snacks for the kids to eat while waiting for lunch? It's unreasonable to expect them to wait quietly and unreasonable to expect anyone to put up with noise you can easily avoid.

I don't think you sound fussed enough that you effectively ruined a meal for everyone sitting close to you. You may be immune to children screaming but others aren't.

I'm guessing that at the time of taking your order, the proprietor had no idea you were going to do nothing but 'wait for them to settle'. I feel pretty incredulous myself. That said, it doesn't sound as if he spoke to you very nicely.

Keeping some toys on hand for children is not tantamount to putting up a sign saying 'we want customers with children and we'll put up with any amount of noise to get them'. It's just a friendly gesture towards children who happen to be eating there, most of whom will not be yelling in threes.

If starting a thread in AIBU, you are going to get real opinions and a euphemism like 'a bit of a shout' will be seen through in seconds. As it was.

OwlCapone · 28/06/2014 19:13

"Family friendly" does not mean " kids can scream here"

Sirzy · 28/06/2014 19:16

Again nobody has an issue with kiddinoise. They have an issue with "pre-dinner screaming"

No matter how child friendly a cafe/restaurant is screaming isn't acceptable and it it can't be stopped quickly then the parents have to act and take them out. Its not fair on others, including others with children, otherwise.

saintlyjimjams · 28/06/2014 19:16

But she didn't ruin everyone's day. The woman at the next table specifically came over to say that she hadn't. It's not clear whether she ruined anyone's day, or whether the cafe owner was being uptight.

I've had the same - when people get uptight about a learning disabled child breathing the same air as them, then you'll find someone nice will come up and tell you how much of a pleasure they find your child (and yep they're the ones that make you cry, not the lemon suckers).

baskingseals · 28/06/2014 19:16

Agree with Sigyn. Those days are not so far behind me. I probably would have tried to help you op, not tutted into my cheese toastie.
YANBU.

Sigyn · 28/06/2014 19:18

How the hell has this turned into kids screaming and shouting and disturbing the fragile ears of other fine-diners?

The OP said they had a "bit of a shout.". Now to me, in the context of a couple of two year olds, that means they protested a bit or cried a bit, and maybe didn't want to sit still and behave as quickly as she'd like. In a family-friendly cafe.

It doesn't mean they lay on the floor and screamed and shouted. It doesn't mean they tantrumed, or bawled. Nowhere has she said that.

mumthetaxidriver · 28/06/2014 19:19

The owner was not being unreasonable - sounds like he tried initially to voice his concerns in a friendly way that you chose to ignore.
Recently some very loud toddlers (shouting and screaming and mainly ignored by parents) completely ruined an early evening meal at our local Pizza Express. Who was most annoyed by this? Our 14 and 15 year old sons who know that they would never have been allowed to behave like that even in the most "child friendly" place.

saintlyjimjams · 28/06/2014 19:19

And there were 2 other tables there, one of which came over and said she hadn't seen a problem with them.

:shrugs shoulders:

OwlCapone · 28/06/2014 19:20

They are 2 and were "fractious and hungry". To me that doesn't mean they were simply babbling loudly.

fledermaus · 28/06/2014 19:22

Sigyn - OP described them as screaming and shouting.

Dancergirl · 28/06/2014 19:23

I think this clear distinction between 'child friendly' and 'not child friendly' is not helpful. It does not mean kids can scream and behave as they like in the former. They're just cafés/restaurants of varying degrees of formality and it should be the expectation that dc behave well in both.

Screaming children ARE annoying in any type of establishment. Trying to pacify them while they carry on is NOT enough and it's unfair to other diners.

Sorry OP, YABU. It's hard work with 3 under 4s, I totally get that, but next time take them out as soon as they start making a noise.

BanjoKazooie · 28/06/2014 19:24

scotchtikidoll I list beating Gruntilda in the final battle as one of the highlights of my life Grin I played the whole game with my DS and we were literally on the edge of our seats at the end. Happy memories...

Effectively asked to leave cafe..AIBU or was he?
Pumpkinpositive · 28/06/2014 19:24

How the hell has this turned into kids screaming and shouting and disturbing the fragile ears of other fine-diners?

The OP said they had a "bit of a shout."

OP then clarified there was a bit of a "pre lunch scream and shout". One which apparently didn't immediately calm when lunch arrived.

I think the references to screaming made some previously sympathetic posters reconsider.

JodieGarberJacob · 28/06/2014 19:25

Lol at anyone who can't put up with pre-lunch screaming and shouting is miserable and intolerant! Oh dear, I get the impression by reading threads on here that some mums of young children have no empathy with or consideration for other members of the public, feel they are somehow special just because they have children, expect everybody to indulge their little ones bad behaviour and treat others who maybe ill, old, tired etc as just a nuisance. Not sure where this entitlement comes from it is something I notice more and more on here and at school. Consideration for others costs nothing!

soverylucky · 28/06/2014 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 28/06/2014 19:26

Yep, a bit of pre-lunch screaming and shouting. Is what the op says in her second post. So she said they were screaming and shouting and that is not ok in a cafe. Outside at a park etc fine but not inside.

JodieGarberJacob · 28/06/2014 19:28

Oops! Sorry for a bit of a rant there...

Wolfiefan · 28/06/2014 19:29

Screaming and shouting in a cafe is not on. You had to pay £30 for food? So did other diners and screaming kids do not add to the experience.
UK is not anti child.
Children playing, chatting, drawing and laughing lovely.
Children racing round a park and shouting fine.
Screaming in a food establishment? Unacceptable.

EarthWindFire · 28/06/2014 19:33

Yep, a bit of pre-lunch screaming and shouting

This says it all really. Just because it is a family friendly cafe does not mean that it acceptable for children to scream and you just wait for them to settle.

scotchtikidoll · 28/06/2014 19:34

Banjo It took my sister and I FOREVER to get all the Jinjos in order to get the 100 hundredth jiggy- I remember the sheer joy when I found it atop the Mad Monster Mansion. We didn't let ourselves battle Grunty until we did it as we knew you get a different ending Smile.

So sorry OP for derailing, I just get so excited when I meet other people who love N64 games haha. Might start a thread for classic game moments

squatcher · 28/06/2014 19:36

YANBU - surprised at many of the responses here. Sounds like you picked the cafe because it presented itself as family friendly. I would have been mortified too and left immediately. And I would be furious if I saw someone being treated like this and would complain.

LoveSardines · 28/06/2014 19:36

Lol @ people saying UK is not unfriendly to children with so many posters saying that children should not be taken to cafes! Even ones with toys in.

OP I think it was wrong of him to charge you for your meals when your DH wasn't able to eat his and you had to eat by yourself and again not much. Did he offer you to take the food away or anything?

Rozbos · 28/06/2014 19:38

I have personally found the UK to be very child friendly. We eat out a lot, and are sensible about where we take the children (3 & 1)and if possible we sit outside. If they start to get noisy we take them for a walk. I would never tolerate 'screaming and shouting' it's utterly disrespectful to the other diners in my opinion and that's regardless of what calibre restaurant we are in.

I appreciate that I only have two children although soon to be three and I will have three under four. I will still be respectful to others in restaurants and if that means dh and I eat in shifts, or we don't eat out then so be it.

OwlinaTree · 28/06/2014 19:39

The UK is not unfriendly to children or families.

There are baby change facilities everywhere, there are children's menus and high chairs as pretty much standard everywhere except the most fancy adult type restaurants.

When I've been on holiday abroad often families are eating outside, which I do think makes a difference with noise and running about/getting up from the table etc.

RedRoom · 28/06/2014 19:42

I'm going to be controversial and say that I don't think it's very considerate for any parent to take three children aged three and under out to eat, for precisely this reason. They can't possibly be expected to sit quietly for an hour or two, so you go out knowing that if one screams and cries, it will disrupt a whole cafe / restaurant etc of people. Some may have high tolerance levels, but you have to bear in mind that many other people have gone out to have an enjoyable lunch and relax. They should be able to eat their lunch and converse without listening to screaming and crying in the background, surely?