to think that anyone who visits my house should expect my 2yo to want to play with them?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Cut a really fucking irritating long story short.

A couple of nights ago my brother and his boyfriend descend on me expecting feeding. They both snapped at my ds that they were too tired to play with him on arrival, sat down and played on their ipads. Neither talking to me nor playing with my son. Who was visibly hurt that his uncles didn't want to play cars with him. One of them was playing music through their Ipad too so cbeebies was drowned out. So there I am cooking for 5 people and have a sad little 2 year old moping around. When I left the room at one point I even heard one of them complain about feeling 'hen pecked'.

Aibu to think I should have told them both to leave?

(might be worth mentioning too that I have never asked them to babysit in the two years ive had him)

Days later still fuming and have the image of my poor little boy sitting in the hall calling their names.

You really need to explain to your brother that he was rude.
And if he's too unpleasant to 'have it out' with, don't let him in next time he shows up!
Also, was it your wifi they were using to access fb or whatever? Change the password and don't give it out next time you invite them to visit.

You were a bit U to expect them to play with your son, small children can be un-interesting at times! But you are definitely NOT unreasonable for being posed off at how rude they both were.

Posed off? Sorry. Pissed off.

The trouble is for those of us who have or have had small children we understand they enjoy attention and a bit of play. To those who have not got children they think why should their world also have to revolve around this small creature. Right is probably somewhere in the middle

The DS is a member of the family. You go round the house, you spend time with the family. So what if he's two years old, have some manners and compassion. If it was your 90 year

Old grandma he was treating like shit this thread would've different. Sadly threads like this bring out a the people who think it's super cool to be horrible to kids.

If you don't want to confront him now wait till next time, and there will be a next time, and call DB into the kitchen and clearly explain to him that he either finds some manners or leaves.

YANBU - your brother didn't have to play with your DS but he shouldn't expect him to disappear whilst he played with his gadgets either. Your DS can't just be stuffed in the cupboard and hidden from view just because your brother decides to show up. He doesn't have to play but he shouldn't be rude and unkind either.

I wouldn't have it out with him. The moment has passed and I expect he would deny he had done anything wrong. I would however, not be inviting him round again and if he turned up uninvited at my door, I would check before letting him in that he fully understood the conditions on which you would be cooking him a free meal. He would certainly not be allowed to act like that again.

I was wondering though, as you said your DB used to enjoy spending time eith your DS, whether this change of heart had anything to do with his partner. Was he with him when your DS was born? I suspect younger men are often not much interested in small children and your DB might be trying to fit in with this to 'impress' his boyfriend. Just a guess but I suspect the change of attitude is your brother acting more like the 21 yr old than his own age

YANBU. Those who feel it's acceptable to treat a 2yo like that should have a word with themselves. Playing doesn't necessarily mean running around in the garden, it could just be a chat. I don't care if you find someone dull - rudeness like that isn't acceptable. They should be ashamed of themselves.

You said you were cooking for 5, presumably your brother and his friend, you, your son and your son's father. What was your partner/husband doing whilst your son was moping and crying out for attention?

phaedra he works about crazy hours. He's a workaholic. I think that day he came home at midnight after setting off at 7am. Genuine.

But normally I cook for him and then he heats it up when he gets in.

Your brother is a dick. So is his boyfriend.

Whether or not he plays with your child is, quite frankly, the least of your problems.

Next time he knocks on your door 'demanding' to be fed. Just say no. I doubt you'll be troubled by his vists agian.

I ended up texting him to tell him I was upset

YABU. I never understand why parents think everyone else should find their children fascinating. My husband likes children; I don't. I find small children extremely tedious.

Do you only feel it necessary to be polite to people that fascinate you? Do adults who you find tedious find themselves being rudely ignored if you visit someone in their household?

Being polite to someone in whose house you are a guest is a very basic social skill. I'm surprised how many people seem to be lacking in this area.

Yes it's rude to ignore anyone who lives in the property you are visiting, very rude.

A little 10-15 minute play with him out of courtesy, if he really couldn't be bothered, is the least you should expect.

Goldmandra exactly.

I can't actually believe how many mums on here are quite proud of the fact that they find other peoples' or their own children tedious and irritating. I'd love to know what activities they deem worthy of their time.

IMHO there are two issues here. Your brother and his boyfriend were rude to have ignored you, played on ipads and not offered to help cook. They ABU.

YANBU to expect your son to want to play with adult visitors, it's what kids do but you would be unreasonable to expect the adults to do it. But then again, I don't think that anyone who refuses to play with someone else's 2 year old displays "extremely strange behaviour".

When I go to visit Adult X, I do just that. I don't go to visit their child, I go to visit them. I don't ignore the child or refuse to greet him, but to play with him? No, why would I want to?

If someone behaved in that way to me in my own home, I'd have no problem telling them that dinner was off. Even if I was halfway through cooking it. If he ever turns up expecting to be fed again, tell him unfortunately that won't be possible. You're not running a restaurant, and you're under no obligation to feed rude, entitled people who refuse to be good guests!

I've got a friend who has a DP like yours, OP. Workaholic - always has been, always will be. She basically brought up their DCs on her own. After 28 years she is now ready to leave..........and her DP STILL can't see what the problem in their marriage is!

As for playing with your 2 year old - I would acknowledge him, but I'm damned if I'd want to actually play with him. Although I may give him 5 minutes as you were cooking my dinner

hobby I rarely feel this strongly about something but my goodness. I have only something anecdotal to respond with.

I remember my mother's friends who came to OUR home who ignored me, looked down their noses at me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. I hated them then and I hate them now. If you're happy to be one of those types of adults then Hell ... knock yourself out. High 5!

ithoughtofitfirst, where, where exactly did I say that I would ignore a child in the home I was visiting?

You're comparing someone who has just said "I don't ignore the child or refuse to greet him" with people "who ignored me, looked down their noses at me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit".

I'm happy to be one of those adults who doesn't play with the toddler belonging to the adult she's visiting. I'm happy to be one of those adults who will, however, greet and take notice (i.e. not ignore) the child belonging to the adult she's visiting. I'm even happy to be hated for not wanting to play with the child while still greeting him and not ignoring him but I do draw the line at having my words twisted and at being deliberately misrepresented.

My humble apologies.

ithoughtofitfirst, apologies aren't necessary, really they aren't, so long as I'm only thought of as a right caaaaah when I'm being a right caaaah.

Do I still get a high 5 please?

Has he replied?