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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that anyone who visits my house should expect my 2yo to want to play with them?

109 replies

ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 16:12

Cut a really fucking irritating long story short.

A couple of nights ago my brother and his boyfriend descend on me expecting feeding. They both snapped at my ds that they were too tired to play with him on arrival, sat down and played on their ipads. Neither talking to me nor playing with my son. Who was visibly hurt that his uncles didn't want to play cars with him. One of them was playing music through their Ipad too so cbeebies was drowned out. So there I am cooking for 5 people and have a sad little 2 year old moping around. When I left the room at one point I even heard one of them complain about feeling 'hen pecked'.

Aibu to think I should have told them both to leave?

(might be worth mentioning too that I have never asked them to babysit in the two years ive had him)

Days later still fuming and have the image of my poor little boy sitting in the hall calling their names.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 28/06/2014 17:18

Two things here -
Firstly - other people's children are dull. Sorry to break it to you but they are. I will always play with and talk to children in other people's houses, but if I have go there to see the adults then I will talk to them and not expect to have to spend the entire time entertaining their children.

Secondly - your brother and his boyfriend sound like complete arseholes. Why turn up and expect feeding only to sit there on their iPads? This is quite aside to them not playing with your DS. Even if you had no children then they would still be arseholes.

Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 17:18

Ok in my pissed off frame of mind I went a bit OTT

If a friend came over after a savage break up or a rotten day at the office I would NOT expect them to play with my toddler. Or under most circumstances for that matter!! I was definitely BU there!!

I just wish they'd pull their heads out of the clouds though. Don't fucking browse Scandinavian interior design blogs and FB your stupid friends in my house and expect to be fed. And don't you DARE upset my son. Still FUMING.

OP posts:
flipchart · 28/06/2014 17:20

No point telling MN all this, tell them!!

Goldmandra · 28/06/2014 17:21

The next time he arrives or asks if he can come round reply as follows;

"You are welcome to come to visit us but my house is not a soup kitchen. I would love to catch up with you and I am happy to include you in family meals if you are interacting with me and my family. Please be aware that your nephew is a person with feelings who looks up to you, not an irritating inconvenience that is best ignored.

If you want to take your mates somewhere you can order a meal then sit and play on your iPads go to McDonalds."

weatherall · 28/06/2014 17:26

Don't feed people who are so rude- family or not.

They sound like they take you for granted.

Do they ever cook for you?

weatherall · 28/06/2014 17:27

Don't feed people who are so rude- family or not.

They sound like they take you for granted.

Do they ever cook for you?

JenniferJo · 28/06/2014 17:28

But other people's 2 year olds are often irritating and annoying. Wrong to turn up expecting to be fed. But also wrong to expect others to want to play with a 2 year old.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/06/2014 17:58

Wrong to expect a child's uncle to play with them?

Thenapoleonofcrime · 28/06/2014 18:03

The thing is they didn't interact at all with him except to tell him to go away. That's totally unacceptable. I would expect people who came in my house to at least interact politely or for five minutes with a child and I would love them forever if they took them off my hands when I was cooking them a dinner to play lego for a while.

I don't think it is a fact at all that other people's children are dull. I don't find them dull, I quite like to chat with them, play a while, this is not incompatible with having a cup of tea with their parents. Did your mother never tell you that only dull people find things dull (her variation on boring people being bored)?

Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 18:12

Boyfriend is 21, brother Is 30. Definitely 99% of the pissed offness is aimed at my stupid, stupid brother. I couldn't keep him away when my boy was a baby. Now he's a toddler he just has zero interest in him. He is far from dull. Bias aside.

If I can see a child visibly upset by the way an adult has treated them then shame on them I think.

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/06/2014 18:15

I don't think you should expect ANYONE who visits to play with your son, but I don't think it is unreasonable to expect his uncle to play with him especially as you were cooking for him and his partner.

Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 18:22

I don't think I would want to spend ti

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 28/06/2014 18:26

If you visit me when my child is awake, you're visiting him too - it's our home.

If you want to talk to either of the adults in the house, you come at nap time or after bed time or arrange to meet us elsewhere and specify that you want full attention. If you want feeding, you can bloody well act grateful for it!

Wine for the OP, sounds like you need it!

Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 18:27

*Time with anyone who refuses to play with a two year old I find that extremely strange behaviour
But hey you can't pick your family

OP posts:
Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 18:30

Thank you purplepidjin

That's exactly how I feel. I come with a tot now. I dont expect anyone to dress up like a pantomime dame and do face paints on him. But cmon don't make the poor little guy feel like shit.

OP posts:
curiousuze · 28/06/2014 18:38

Only on MN is it unreasonable to expect a close family member to interact with your toddler while you cook dinner for them. Not a casual acquaintance, or a distant rellie of your DH's, but your own brother. Wtf.

PurplePidjin · 28/06/2014 18:42

Exactly - I'm not just Pidj any more, I have a whole other person dependent on me. So if you come during his awake time, you get MummyPidj. Grown adults can wait, toddlers can't at least not without a LOT of smarties

I can be Just Plain Pidj again any other time, or in 2 minute bursts while I have one eye on the rampaging toddler at the park, but MummyPidj is who I am now - sounds like your DB needs to adjust to this new part of your personality a bit?

Bunbaker · 28/06/2014 18:43

"Wrong to expect a child's uncle to play with them"

My husband is an uncle. He has zero interest in his nephews and nieces. He loves DD, but is not in least bit interested in other people's children.

I am more interested and used to play with my sister's children a lot, but I realise that not everyone is that interested and I think it is unrealistic to expect grown men to have as much interest in children as the parents expect.

BackforGood · 28/06/2014 18:44

I'm with those who can't understand why you are fuming about this days later, when you didn't say anything to them at the time.
It's your BROTHER!!!!! Anyone close enough to "descend upon you and expect to be fed" is close enough for you to be able to pull them up on their behaviour / manners when they are in your house.
At the point when they "snapped they were too tired to play with him" why didn't you say well you would then, whilst Uncle cooked the tea ?

Abra1d · 28/06/2014 19:07

They sound horrible. I can't imagine ignoring a little boy like that, even if you weren't a particular child fan. You are a guest in someone's house and they are cooking for you. You sing for your supper.

maninawomansworld · 28/06/2014 19:10

There are two entirely separate issues here and you seem to be confusing the two.
Issue 1: The rudeness.

So they turn up at your house, 'demand' to be fed and while you cook for them the sit on your sofa, play music and bury their noses in gadgets. That is just the height of rudeness.
In my house their feet wouldn't touch the floor, they'd have been shown the door and told not to come back until they are ready to show some decent manners.

Issue 2: Your 2yo.

Sorry but yabvu to expect visitors to entertain your kids. I have 2 kids of my own who I love to bits and to be frank I wish they would just vanish into thin air about 70% of the time. Not because they're bad kids (they're lovely) but just because small kids are generally a pain in the arse. If I feel like this about my own, why the hell would I want to entertain someone else's?
In this case though, as you were cooking for them then it wouldn't have killed them to mind the child for half an hour so you could cook.

Original poster
ithoughtofitfirst · 28/06/2014 19:27

Oh my God manina I can't share your sentiments on point 2 in any way shape or form. I 100% of the time want my children around me and I even love spending time with .... wait for it....other people's children if they have them. If I go to a friend's house and they have children I want to hear about their homework, their friends at school, what they had for tea three weeks ago.

I don't so much expect people to arse around with my children for hours on end but I think there is an unspoken etiquette about how to treat a child when you're a guest in THEIR house.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 28/06/2014 19:29

OP. Yanbu to expect your brother and his boyfriend to acknowledge your son and interact with him a bit. You know that.

Is your brother usually like that? Rude, I mean?

Are you going to speak to him about it?

did you spit in their food Grin

PurplePidjin · 28/06/2014 19:30

IMO there's an unspoken etiquette about how to treat anyone in their own house - and if someone came over to mine and got out the iPads to play on instead of making polite small talk then they'd get pretty short shrift! Playing cars with the 2yo, asking about how the 5yo's finding school, has the 9yo got the hang of loom bands or is the 16yo relieved to have finished exams is just the age-appropriate version of "Did you see Eastenders last night?" surely?

curiousuze · 28/06/2014 19:30

Exactly, ithought. How fucking dare your brother come to your DS's own house and treat him that way? What a dick. I really can't believe you toddled off to the kitchen and cooked his dinner without saying a word though Sad