to think that anyone who visits my house should expect my 2yo to want to play with them?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Cut a really fucking irritating long story short.

A couple of nights ago my brother and his boyfriend descend on me expecting feeding. They both snapped at my ds that they were too tired to play with him on arrival, sat down and played on their ipads. Neither talking to me nor playing with my son. Who was visibly hurt that his uncles didn't want to play cars with him. One of them was playing music through their Ipad too so cbeebies was drowned out. So there I am cooking for 5 people and have a sad little 2 year old moping around. When I left the room at one point I even heard one of them complain about feeling 'hen pecked'.

Aibu to think I should have told them both to leave?

(might be worth mentioning too that I have never asked them to babysit in the two years ive had him)

Days later still fuming and have the image of my poor little boy sitting in the hall calling their names.

[Mintyy]

What a strange thread. Glad it all worked out in the end.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Exactly realamanda but he seemed to really get it in fairness to him. I really thought he wouldn't get it.

This thread has made me realise that not everyone particularly enjoys or is thrilled by the company of other peoples' children. I have literally thought about It all day. But actually I'd hate to be like my MIL all high and mighty like 'oh one simple must enjoy spending time with children and engage with them at all times'

Actually. Long drawn out conclusion. If it doesn't float your boat... fair enough. There are loads of types of people I find boring and probably would rather not speak to. But you can make a child's day by just humouring them by listening to how the tooth fairy gave them a quid or whatever. 2 year olds are a bit more intense and require quite a tiring amount of energy. I know this, I spend all day every day with one!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

And they were not being expected to neccessarily play with him. Just to expect that he would want to. And to not be rude and dismissive.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Bugger. X post.
Hurrah for DB and for being able to talk it through.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

YANBU, and I think the majority agrees here.
It's just ridiculous to say that "some ppl are just not interested in children"
Fuck off then. They live here.
Can you imagine ppl being so openly rude about an elderly parent who you live with? "go away, I don't want to listen to you talk about the war, I'm playing on my iPad"
Oh, some ppl just don't like to spend time with old people.
And don't cook for them.
Just don't have them round. Annoying pair.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Thanks guys

chased I think I was worried that I would hit a sore spot and that he would be defensive. But I felt sort of prepared for it. I just kept thinking oh I really don't want to see them for a while, but now I'd happily meet up with them again soon. So it was definitely worth listening to all the lovely MNers.

[ChasedByBees]

Good for you! However, you wrote a perfectly reasonable text after he was incredibly rude and you were worried he was going to go ballistic. You know you don't have to put up with that don't you?

[hoobypickypicky]

Good for you! :)

[ithoughtofitfirst]

hooby go on then you charmer

atrocious he did reply! I didn't lay it on thick I just said that I was a bit upset because of what I overheard and that he might have upset the boy a bit because he adores him. Ohwait I can hear violins maybe I did lay it on a bit thick.

And... drumroll... he was mortified. Apologised for being a dick. Gens thought he was going to rip me a new arsehole over it. I was glad I brought it up because I couldn't shift the image of my sad little toddler moping around and pulling on my trousers as I cooked.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

Has he replied?

[hoobypickypicky]

ithoughtofitfirst, apologies aren't necessary, really they aren't, so long as I'm only thought of as a right caaaaah when I'm being a right caaaah.

Do I still get a high 5 please?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

My humble apologies.

[hoobypickypicky]

ithoughtofitfirst, where, where exactly did I say that I would ignore a child in the home I was visiting?

You're comparing someone who has just said "I don't ignore the child or refuse to greet him" with people "who ignored me, looked down their noses at me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit".

I'm happy to be one of those adults who doesn't play with the toddler belonging to the adult she's visiting. I'm happy to be one of those adults who will, however, greet and take notice (i.e. not ignore) the child belonging to the adult she's visiting. I'm even happy to be hated for not wanting to play with the child while still greeting him and not ignoring him but I do draw the line at having my words twisted and at being deliberately misrepresented.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

hobby I rarely feel this strongly about something but my goodness. I have only something anecdotal to respond with.

I remember my mother's friends who came to OUR home who ignored me, looked down their noses at me and made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. I hated them then and I hate them now. If you're happy to be one of those types of adults then Hell ... knock yourself out. High 5!

[LastTango]

I've got a friend who has a DP like yours, OP. Workaholic - always has been, always will be. She basically brought up their DCs on her own. After 28 years she is now ready to leave..........and her DP STILL can't see what the problem in their marriage is!

As for playing with your 2 year old - I would acknowledge him, but I'm damned if I'd want to actually play with him. Although I may give him 5 minutes as you were cooking my dinner

[babybat]

If someone behaved in that way to me in my own home, I'd have no problem telling them that dinner was off. Even if I was halfway through cooking it. If he ever turns up expecting to be fed again, tell him unfortunately that won't be possible. You're not running a restaurant, and you're under no obligation to feed rude, entitled people who refuse to be good guests!

[hoobypickypicky]

IMHO there are two issues here. Your brother and his boyfriend were rude to have ignored you, played on ipads and not offered to help cook. They ABU.

YANBU to expect your son to want to play with adult visitors, it's what kids do but you would be unreasonable to expect the adults to do it. But then again, I don't think that anyone who refuses to play with someone else's 2 year old displays "extremely strange behaviour".

When I go to visit Adult X, I do just that. I don't go to visit their child, I go to visit them. I don't ignore the child or refuse to greet him, but to play with him? No, why would I want to?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Goldmandra exactly.

I can't actually believe how many mums on here are quite proud of the fact that they find other peoples' or their own children tedious and irritating. I'd love to know what activities they deem worthy of their time.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

Yes it's rude to ignore anyone who lives in the property you are visiting, very rude.

A little 10-15 minute play with him out of courtesy, if he really couldn't be bothered, is the least you should expect.

[Goldmandra]

YABU. I never understand why parents think everyone else should find their children fascinating. My husband likes children; I don't. I find small children extremely tedious.

Do you only feel it necessary to be polite to people that fascinate you? Do adults who you find tedious find themselves being rudely ignored if you visit someone in their household?

Being polite to someone in whose house you are a guest is a very basic social skill. I'm surprised how many people seem to be lacking in this area.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

I ended up texting him to tell him I was upset

[RandallFloyd]

Your brother is a dick. So is his boyfriend.

Whether or not he plays with your child is, quite frankly, the least of your problems.

Next time he knocks on your door 'demanding' to be fed. Just say no. I doubt you'll be troubled by his vists agian.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

But normally I cook for him and then he heats it up when he gets in.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

phaedra he works about crazy hours. He's a workaholic. I think that day he came home at midnight after setting off at 7am. Genuine.