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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mn jury . Whi is bu?

91 replies

northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 18:58

Background. I am a sahm with a very energetic toddler (20 months) Normally I have to take him with me to doctors appointments etc. Sometimes he is ok but sometimes he is a nightmare. We also have 2 school aged dc.

So dh has a day off tomorrow. He is meeting his dad for lunch as it is his mum's anniversary. I really need to have an eye test. I tried to get one at the weekend when we were out without success. So I mentioned to dh that I would book a test for tomorrow. I booked it for early morning so it wouldn't impact on him going out for lunch with his dad.

So this evening he clearly had the hump with me and moaned that he would now not be able to get the things he wanted to do done as he would have to go out for lunch upon my return.

I said that surely he could do it after lunch but he wasn't happy with this as he would get caught in rush hour traffic.

Aibu to think he could be a bit more helpful as at least he does get a day off.

OP posts:
olaflikeswarmhugs · 26/06/2014 18:59

YANBU

Tweasels · 26/06/2014 18:59

He is being a twat.

Happydaysatlast · 26/06/2014 19:00

Well what does he want to get done?

Original poster
northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 19:01

Shopping!

OP posts:
SquigglySquid · 26/06/2014 19:01

Depends. Does he do 50/50 parenting when he's home? If he never helps you with the kids, then he is being unreasonable and take the kids for a few hours. If he does help out and does his fair share, I can see why he'd be upset that his plans now have a sudden kink in them.

ThePrisonerOfAzkaban · 26/06/2014 19:05

It depends has he already sorted out a present or card? I don't think he is being that unreasonable

Original poster
northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 19:07

He sadly doesn't parent 50/50 when home. He has probably changed changed 10 toddler nappies in 20 months. I can't remember him bathing any of the dc but tbf he does work long hours during the week. I think he considers weekends to be family leisure time but often that involves him playing ps games with older dc and leaving me to look after toddlers needs.
Ds is also quite clingy so I co sleep a and I still breastfeed. It is the only way to get through the next day.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 26/06/2014 19:07

Why don't all 3 of you go to the optician and then to lunch and then shopping - together as a family ?

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/06/2014 19:09

When do you get your day off?

Spottybra · 26/06/2014 19:11

Do you want the mumsnet reply of he is clearly BU and LTB? Just joking on the last one. It's his child too, tell him to set the iPad up with maths games (in RL the cbeebies website).

Original poster
northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 19:11

Present or card for anniversary?
Sorry may not have explained. It is the anniversary of her death so he thinks his dad may be feeling fragile. A lovely gesture and a fitting thing to do.
He hadn't planned to meet his dad before lunch so I thought this would be the best solution.

OP posts:
hotfuzzra · 26/06/2014 19:12

It is the anniversary of his mother's death?
What did he say initially when you told him you'd try and book it for tomorrow?
Could you have booked it for this coming weekend?

pictish · 26/06/2014 19:13

Why can't he take toddler shopping with him?

Original poster
northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 19:13

Optician is in a different town and he has pretty much said he wants the lunch to be just him, his brother and his dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
northandsouth4 · 26/06/2014 19:15

He didn't say it would be a problem. We are busy this weekend.

OP posts:
Allalonenow · 26/06/2014 19:15

YANBU

ThePrisonerOfAzkaban · 26/06/2014 19:17

Well in that case he may be thinking that he himself may need a little space, it was his mum too.

pictish · 26/06/2014 19:17

Sorry but I need to know...why can he not take your toddler shopping with him?

ThePrisonerOfAzkaban · 26/06/2014 19:17

Well in that case he may be thinking that he himself may need a little space, it was his mum too.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 26/06/2014 19:17

I think YABU. He booked the day off the the purpose of the anniversary.

What he does/doesn't do any other time is irrelevant.

He may be feeling fragile too.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 26/06/2014 19:18

Sorry, for the purpose

hotfuzzra · 26/06/2014 19:21

Personally I'd cut him some slack as if it was me and the death of my parents I'd be feeling a little fragile too (not just his Dad iyswim)
But I'd understand you feeling a bit hard done by too.

JenniferJo · 26/06/2014 19:21

Another YABU from me, it's a sad day for him and he'd planned what he was going to do.

Happydaysatlast · 26/06/2014 19:22

I have to say totally understand your point of view op but it's the anniversary of his moms death and can see he may need a quiet time by himself before meeting his brother and dad.

You could rebook the optician for a weekend so you can all go and then maybe all go to lunch.

I think of this were me I would give way to his wishes.

CoffeeTea103 · 26/06/2014 19:23

Yabvu, in this instance it was insensitive of you to do this. He probably needed the time to himself.

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