to hate mother and baby groups?

[Torfhinn]

I'm a first time mother with a beautiful 9 week old son. I have lost a very active and busy life and hate being stuck at home. I have been trying to 'put myself out there' to make some mum friends by going to different groups and meet-ups. So far I have found that I have superficial chats with some mums, have nothing in common with most except for babies (how long can we talk about babies for...?), they already have a groups of mum friends and are a bit clique-y, or are just plain unfriendly. I really can't be bothered to keep charming people in order to make friends, but if I don't I risk being very lonely. Should I put more effort in or give up and be content to hang out with my son and do stuff on our own?

I had to try a couple of different ones before I found somewhere where there were a few people I got along with. Really glad I persevered because now on my day off I have a few other adults to see and DD has a little friend or two to run about with. Don't give up yet you might find something you like.

moomin i know some pretty shit older mums, and some shit hot younger mums. i've never seen anyone be rude to someone based on age yet (although I'm pretty new to parenting and groups)

Moomin im 37 and one of my closer friends I've met at toddler group is 23, the common denominator here is our oldest children are both the same age and play well together. I have another who is 41 and others in between. The age doesnt matter at all,

Juniper I'm surprised that people are friends with other mums who have a large age gap. Not that young mums are any better/worse, but I'd've thought that people would stick to their own ages just because they gave more in common.
I stay away from people much older than me because I think they'd find me immature, and I'd find them too sensible. Or feel like I'd have to be on my best behaviour around them. Interesting that it's not always like that.

Thanks for the responses :) DD will be getting socialised when she starts creche in September, but I'm really lacking in the 'mummy friend' front

But age isnt the thing I have in common with other mums. Its the children that get us talking to each other, offering to hold their tea while they change a nappy, keeping an eye on a sibling for a minute, exchanging advice on sleeping/weaning/walking, as the babies grow into toddlers and disappear off to the other end of the room the chat becomes more personal and you find that the nodding aquaintance you awkwardly smiled at 6 months ago is suddenly a mate with similar experiences and an understanding of what its like to have a young child right now. It doesnt honestly matter how old we all are.

I've been a SAHM for 7 years and been to a lot of playgroups. IME, it is always boring at first. Lots of trivial chat and lots of wishing your baby wouldn't choose this exact time to have a nap. You have to stick with it to actually make friends and go every week. Then you start to chat about other things besides your children and become genuine friends.

We moved to a new village 18 months ago and it took me about 8 or 9 months before I really started to enjoy our playgroup. I now have great friends there and it is absolutely my favourite morning of the week.

It makes me sad to think about when my last DS will be too old to go. With this in mind, I have organised a fortnightly evening craft group (my hobby) at my house and invited all the ladies from playgroup. Most were interested and it's really fun. Persevere and it will get better!

So far I have found that I have superficial chats with some mums, have nothing in common with most except for babies (how long can we talk about babies for...?), they already have a groups of mum friends and are a bit clique-y, or are just plain unfriendly

In the nicest way, your new to this,

take a step back,

what has everyone got in common, all these strangers thrown together....by dint of having babies at the same time...babies.

Instead of moaning about it, just think of it as wonderful conversation starter.

people are not cliquey they just know each other! when you start to make friends, you will be deep in convo with someone ( talking about trees) and you may not notice the shy new person walking in!

Loose your attitude, relax....everyone feels awkard if they dont go with a friends....just relax and go to what you want.

I love baby and toddler groups. DC1 is welcomed (unlike at other baby centred events where people don't want a toddler roaming around). Get to drink a cup of tea and maybe get some adult conversation. I think if you accept that some people will already know each other and that at first there will be a lot of polite small talk mostly about babies, then it is definitely possible to make good friends.

I do get hakulyts (sp) point that there are some people on here who come across as if they feel they are too cool for mother and baby groups and that people who attend them are in some way inferior (small-minded/less worldly). Fine, maybe that's their experience, but I've found people from all backgrounds at the ones I've been too and the only real common factor is that the people attending have children so I always think that it relates more to their social skills, than to the other parents.

I've just moved countries and I'm desperate to find a good laid back group I can attend with my toddler and 6 month old. Anybody here in South Dublin?

I'm a young mum and my health visitor has been trying to get me to go the baby groups in the area for a while now. I was considering it, thinking that a few new friends and some adult conversation would be nice. She handed me the poster/leaflet for one of the groups and i shit you not it was called Little Miss Teenage Pregnancy. how fucking patronizing is that? I'm not even a teenager i'm 22 years old.

I point blank refuse to go to any group called little miss teenage pregnancy. seriously? WTH are they thinking?

Wow gotno, do they think you traded your brain in to get the baby?!.

I have no idea what they are thinking but I questioned the name of the group at the sure start center and apparently there is nothing patronizing about it

I don't like groups really but go because it keeps my toddler entertained for an hour. I do chat to people but haven't made the step from that to being actual friends. That would probably require some effort on my part, but to be fair they've not made the effort either so the feeling is probably mutual.

When DD starts pre-school in September I'll prob do a couple of classes with DS instead (he's 5 months). Won't really being going to the groups after that I don't think!

Sorry one last thing (why isn't there an edit button?!) I found the Surestart Children's centre really good. Staff are lovely and I've met some people there. They've been REALLY helpful for us recently as our lives have gone a bit tits up.

Little miss teenage pregnancy!?!? What?? That's awful they may as well have called it morons meet up. It's going to put all the nice people off. Is be offended at being invited by my hv. I'd wonder what she thought of me!

Becca, what do you do at the sure start? Is it just to get the baby weighed or are there groups? Or is it like a drop in where you can hang around all day? There's one near me but I've avoided it thinking it was not a nice place. Might be wrong

I think HV noticed my raised brows because she then said she only wants me to go to socialize because i spend all my time alone with ds and that I am in fact doing just fine. blah blah. I was still pretty pissed of to say the least.

Ours runs a singing group, play sessions, craft sessions. They provide advice about childcare, baby care, weaning etc. all free or very low cost. Nearly everyone I've met there has been lovely and not at all chavvy

I've got some serious health problems at the moment and they've provided physical and emotional support to me, DH, our parents. They've sent volunteers to take my toddler to play sessions. Helped us apply for pre-school funding for my daughter.

I don't know if they're all that good but they've been amazing.

Bloody hell. I am a teenage mum (just about) and I would no way go there!!

That sounds good. It must be so difficult being unable to get around/injured with a toddler. Hope it's nothing long term or too painful and you will be able to do it yourself soon.

My Sure Start is lovely. They do baby massage, yoga, signing, toddler clubs,music groups, a Dads Club-all really nice and it's usually very cheap, around £2 a session.

Yanbu op. They aren't for everyone. I won't be going this time around.. In the first year I'm a sleep deprived caffeine fuelled wreck desperate for nap times in a spot where I can relax too, spesh when the fractious tired crying starts. Certainly not in a good place to make new friends! And frankly, neither were most of the new mums I met. Nightmare.

I'm very lucky then, as I'm the last person my friends would expect to go to a baby group (I'm an introvert), yet I go every week and actually quite enjoy it! The group I go to is very welcoming and friendly and everyone talks to everyone. The hosts are brilliant though, they make an effort to make everyone feel like part of the group. I don't go for myself - I go for my daughter, as I think it's good for her to socialise with other babies. That's why I didn't start going until she was 9months old or so (some people take their babies from a week old!).