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Original poster

To not want this DV victim staying with us any longer

466 replies

Mozzereena · 25/06/2014 14:43

Last Sunday DH received a phone call from an acquaintance (not a friend) asking could we give him a bed for a couple of nights til he sorted himself out as he had been battered (again) by his partner and thrown out of her home. He said he was desperate as he has no family anymore since his mum died and he became estranged from his sibling.

DH said that it would be ok with him but he would have to run it by me first. I said ok as it was an emergency and DH felt really sorry for this guy. He has known him for many years as they attend the same cricket club.

I have 3 DC and each have their own bedroom.
DD2 was staying with a friend over the weekend so we went into her room and cleaned it out and made it up for this guy.
The guy arrived at our house Sunday evening while we were having a barbecue. He seemed quite shaken up and upset.
I told him that DD2 was away for the weekend but she would be back Monday and she would have to share a bed with 5yo DS temporarily until she got her room back. DD was fine about this.

The guy has so far stayed with us for 3 nights.

He put his name down for a council house on Monday - 12 month waiting list he was told. He works for an employment agency so DH says he will struggle to get a private rental. Also he has no savings and no transport. He is in a mess.

However, last night he text DH to say that he had some good news and that he would tell him about it when he got back to our house last night.
I went to bed at 10 and DH stayed up and waited for this guy to come back with his 'good news'

DH told me this morning that the guy had met with a private LL who had an upstairs flat but a man was living in it at the moment but as the current tenant was on the dole he would give him his 4weeks notice to leave.
The guy paid a deposit to this heartless LL and asked DH if he could stay with us for 4 more weeks. DH said no but he could stay for one week.
I told DD this morning and she said he can fuck off I want my room back now! Arrrgghh! What are we gunna do? I don't really want to boot him out on to the street!

OP posts:
glasgowstevenagain · 26/06/2014 16:45

"where can he go, its a sunday, he has been getting his life together, if we throw him out now it will set him back week"

all the time DD1 is forced out and DD2 will feel uncomfortable in her own home.

I would be with the kids at my mums!!!

We will be back when he is gone.

But the important thing here is your husband does not lose face at the cricket club, cant be having his wife telling him what to do

"I told her, you will stay as long as I say so,"

Iflyaway · 26/06/2014 18:52

I think all the posters who suggested OP should pay for a hotel room (caravan?! WTF!) for him should have a whip round, as you,re alll so generous...

Why is he in the pub every night when he,s homeless? He should be on the internet searching for a room of his own.

I would be furious if some stranger took over my room and bed - eww!

Takingthemickey · 26/06/2014 19:02

Is this saga still ongoing? Surely OP has been inundated with offers to house this guy from those who believe she and her DD were being unreasonable and they would do more in their place.

If not I can volunteer to scroll through the thread and get their details for you OP then it is a win-win. You get your home back and he gets a place to stay.

Nomama · 26/06/2014 19:04

But if she pays and drives him there she is shot of him. All done and dusted.

While she waits for him to remember he is homeless and do something he is still in her house!

Mind you, she may want to pay for 2 rooms and take DH too Smile

I suspect Dh is embarrassed, that's why he is snappy. This man has made him look like a twonk in his own home and he is doing that classic British thing, getting angry at the wrong people so as not to look daft in front of the stranger/people at the cricket club.

Darkesteyes · 26/06/2014 20:03

Have you tried Googling this bloke OP Just to see if anything comes up however small.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 26/06/2014 20:06

Ahh, good idea darkesteyes!!

YouMakeMeHappy · 26/06/2014 20:36

I don't believe anyone suggesting she pay for a hotel room would actually do so themselves!

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 26/06/2014 20:52

We had a similar situation with an acquaintance of DH that wanted to move in for 'a few weeks' as he had sold his house sooner than he expected but couldn't go to Oz to live until N. N being about six weeks. I didn't want him in the house as he is not animal oriented at all and I didn't trust him to not let them onto the road etc. We got him to lash out the same as a months rent on a second hand caravan which we collected and set up in the garden. This worked brilliantly. He expected us to entertain him but he soon realised that that was not going to happen and once we had dealt with the suddenly hatching dormant flea population in the otherwise immaculate £600 caravan, it was all peachy. We still have the caravan and sit in it sometimes and listen to the rain on the roof. We will weigh it in for scrap before we tidy up for winter though I expect. It had a concrete tortoise in one of the drawers for some unknown reason!

unrealhousewife · 26/06/2014 21:04

A concrete tortoise sums up these house guests exactly. Grin

NoodleOodle · 26/06/2014 21:11

I think it's weird that he paid a deposit for a flat that wasn't available straight away when he could have easily used that money to move into a shared house or as a lodger the very next day.

Darkesteyes · 26/06/2014 21:22

Noodle it aint just weird Its very iffy

expatinscotland · 26/06/2014 21:24

It's probably bollocks, too.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2014 21:33

how are things, OP ?

Original poster
Mozzereena · 26/06/2014 21:42

Just waiting for DH to come home anyfucker
I think he is out with that man
I hope he has found somewhere else or will do by Sunday
I do feel bad for the guy but my DD2 is still at her friend's house - I don't want her to think that she is not important :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/06/2014 21:44

your husband is out doing what exactly with this guy ?

Original poster
Mozzereena · 26/06/2014 21:49

I don't know exactly until he comes home and tells me anyfucker
I saw DH for 10 minutes this evening after he had finished work and he seemed a lot more reasonable and understanding of both our DDs as this man has already overstayed his couple of nights.
I do believe he will be using this time constructively as it has been disruptive to DH also. He is tired.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 26/06/2014 21:51

do you think they are viewing flat shares together ?

< doubts it >

Original poster
Mozzereena · 26/06/2014 21:58

Most likely having a few pints together! However, this guy is not a friend of DH and I don't think he ever could be - the only thing they have in common is the cricket club.
If he were going to be his drinking buddy he would have been so years ago. He would have been to our house, our wedding and got to know our DC. That is never gunna happen now.
He is just a person he has known through the club for years. DH described him as a placid kind of guy.
But he has never been to his house and you can't really know what happens behind closed doors

OP posts:
NoodleOodle · 26/06/2014 21:58

I know of a few rooms available in shared houses locally, ranging from £86 to £100pw all inc, one week deposit, one week rent in advance. He should be able to find a suitable room like this within two days, surely?

When DH gets back I would ask him if this is what he is going to do, and if not, why not? I managed to do it when I got kicked out of home at 16 whilst still in education and pregnant so I'd have thought a fully grown working man would have no problem doing similar, and I did it before the internet and spare room websites that make things even easier.

NoodleOodle · 26/06/2014 22:00

Universities do summer lets in halls too, which should be available now.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2014 22:01

I don't particularly live in an area known for flat or house shares, but a quick google tells me there is lots of options locally.

I am not quite getting the disbelief that this guy is lying about being in a horrendous situation nor am I particularly impressed with the repetitive thinly veiled insinuations about him being one step away from sexually abusing your daughters but something is really not adding up here

Original poster
Mozzereena · 26/06/2014 22:07

If he has not found a place of his own soon, I suspect that the reason is he does not want to get one and his intention may be to eventually go back to the partner. DH told me that the guy said he still loved her but he didn't want to go back to her. I think bollocks - he still loves her and doesn't want this split to be permanent. The last time it happened he ran to his mums then back again. He could have left then yet chose to go back.

OP posts:
SpringHeeledJack · 26/06/2014 22:34

not being (completely) facetious, but what about the rest of the cricket club?

there must be at least 11 of them- can't they do a rota?

what do they think?

why'd he pick DH/knock on your door rather than any of the others?

Peekingduck · 26/06/2014 23:13

"We still have the caravan and sit in it sometimes and listen to the rain on the roof." Complete tangent - I loved doing that in my little caravan by the side of my field. It's gone to the caravan heaven some years past, you've made me start looking on EBay for a replacement.
I've read through this thread in total disbelief that so many people think Op is wrong to want this man to move on. She and her family gave him help when he needed it, even though it meant that their daughter had to give up her room and her bed. Any decent person would be spending every spare minute trying to find somewhere else to live.

AnyFucker · 26/06/2014 23:15

are the boozers back yet, OP ?