To not want this DV victim staying with us any longer

[Mozzereena]

Last Sunday DH received a phone call from an acquaintance (not a friend) asking could we give him a bed for a couple of nights til he sorted himself out as he had been battered (again) by his partner and thrown out of her home. He said he was desperate as he has no family anymore since his mum died and he became estranged from his sibling.

DH said that it would be ok with him but he would have to run it by me first. I said ok as it was an emergency and DH felt really sorry for this guy. He has known him for many years as they attend the same cricket club.

I have 3 DC and each have their own bedroom.
DD2 was staying with a friend over the weekend so we went into her room and cleaned it out and made it up for this guy.
The guy arrived at our house Sunday evening while we were having a barbecue. He seemed quite shaken up and upset.
I told him that DD2 was away for the weekend but she would be back Monday and she would have to share a bed with 5yo DS temporarily until she got her room back. DD was fine about this.

The guy has so far stayed with us for 3 nights.

He put his name down for a council house on Monday - 12 month waiting list he was told. He works for an employment agency so DH says he will struggle to get a private rental. Also he has no savings and no transport. He is in a mess.

However, last night he text DH to say that he had some good news and that he would tell him about it when he got back to our house last night.
I went to bed at 10 and DH stayed up and waited for this guy to come back with his 'good news'

DH told me this morning that the guy had met with a private LL who had an upstairs flat but a man was living in it at the moment but as the current tenant was on the dole he would give him his 4weeks notice to leave.
The guy paid a deposit to this heartless LL and asked DH if he could stay with us for 4 more weeks. DH said no but he could stay for one week.
I told DD this morning and she said he can fuck off I want my room back now! Arrrgghh! What are we gunna do? I don't really want to boot him out on to the street!

youth hostel, travelodge, b&b, roomshares, lots of options, but not if he doesn't pull his finger out and try to look. I think you really need to speak to him and spell it out.

The guy paid a deposit to this heartless LL and asked DH if he could stay with us for 4 more weeks. DH said no but he could stay for one week.

then

DH bit my head off when I told him dd2's reaction to the man wanting to stay another 4 weeks.

His reaction was the same was it not - no you cant stay!

He will be there for another 2 + weeks......he has no where to go etc.

Sunday morning is less than 72 hours away - what are his plans for then!

Sounds to me like your Dh quite fancies having a live-in drinking buddy.

I would be putting comments on facebook announcing that I was moving out cos hubby had moved this bloke in....

Of course then friends and family would be drawing their own conclusions .....

^^

Without the facebook comment.

We are all moving out.

I will be telling everyone why.

I would think paying him to move into a hotel would be the best option by far!

An ex of mine went to stay with his inlaws when he and his wife split up (this was way before I met him)
His wife had gone off with someone else. He went to stay there until he could find a place. Ended up staying there for three years.

Knowing him as I did I am willing to bet that he guilt tripped his in laws into it. (it was your daughter who cheated on me and left and that's why I lost the house) from what he told me he had a very well paid job in 1990. So this didn't fit.

He showed signs of financial abuse while we were seeing each other so im willing to bet his ex paid all or most of the mortgage and that's why he lost the house when she left.

When I began seeing him years later he had had his council flat for seven years but there were no carpets just a bed a sofa and a music centre and tv.

The only thing he paid for was the music centre which was a Denon I think. Plenty of money for fags and changing his mobile every 2 months though.

And he wanted me to move in "so we can go halves on the bills" and help him pay for carpets etc. He had had 7 years to do that.

Not saying this bloke is the same. But your DD isn't the one who should be paying the price.

I would have ripped your DH a new head when he brought home a stranger and told me it was up to him how long the guy stays.

Prediction

He is in a volatile damaging relationship.

He will move back to his marital home

He now has a handy local bolthole to go to for a few nights.

What guy in his 40s would not want to sleep in the same house as a 2 women in their early 20s.

This will only end badly

Kick him out

Pay for a hotel for him because he's dossing at yours? WTAF! He has money and a job.

Fuck all this DH passing on news to him. It's your home, too, and your kids'.

This person needs to know in no uncertain terms that he needs to LEAVE on Sunday. Plenty of MNers here willing to take him in.

What guy in his 40s would not want to sleep in the same house as a 2 women in their early 20s.

Possibly my DH!

Maybe I'll boot both men out tonight!

expat - my inbox remains empty :(

I think he'll go back, too, just looking for a place to doss for a few weeks.

I am beginning to think the same, expat. Maybe the evil LL story is not true and he just wants to crash somewhere until he can go back to his partner.
DH believes him. He just thinks the guy is clueless and has been taken for a mug by the evil LL. This may be true.
But maybe we are the ones who are really clueless.

He will go back.

But he will return.

The balance of power in the OPs house is now set.

I have made my decision how dare you question me.

The girls cant have their usual routine, pjs in the living room, etc etc.

what happens if he comes home drunk, goes to the wrong bedroom, gets in the wrong bed.

all perfectly innocent mistakes (possibly)

He is not your husbands brother or best friend who has fallen on hard times.

He is all but a stranger who has access to your most treasured children.

One child has moved out already because of this......what else has to happen!

are you going to give e him his marching orders mozz? kinder sooner rather than later.

I have visions of Sunday coming and him revealing that he still hasn't found anywhere.

He is having you on. Your DH is being a prize dickhead.

I ask again.

Sunday morning is 68 hours away.

Tonight before the pub

"right you both, sunday morning is approaching, where will you be on Sunday"

"ummmmm awwwww"

Understood, I am taking the kids to my mums, let me know when I will return.....

I wouldn't bother asking where he's going.

'Right, well. This has disrupted our home long enough. You need to out by Sunday. That's a week.'

And no way would I leave my own home because his ass is there.

Anyone remember that Simpsons episode where they take Gill in....?

I would leave to safeguard my children as her husband has made his feelings clear.

are you going to give e him his marching orders mozz? kinder sooner rather than later

No I'm not.
DH has told him he will have to leave our house by Sunday

And we are staying. :)

"our"

our implies joint decisions.....

You and your children live in his house.

he makes the decisions.

I hope nothing untoward happens in the mean time.....

But you seem happy enough with the situation.....

:)

And then DH will let him stay when he guilt trips him.