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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move my ds out of his current school?

100 replies

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:10

Stick with me, I may go on a bit!

Ds is currently in reception, he's just 5 so one of the younger ones.
In his class there are 23 children, quite a few have SEN and several have behaviour problems. He has struggled to make friends, there are only a few girls and they want to play together and the boys play too rough for ds. He now has one close friend and about five other friends who are mainly girls.

Across reception there are 45 children so not enough for two classes when they go up to ks1. What the school do is is have one year one class, a mixed 1/2 class and a year 2 class with 30 in each.

Apparently this year they are looking at the children's emotional maturity and putting the emotionally mature year 1s in with the less mature year 2s.
Ds has been put in the year 1 class with his closest friend but the other children he likes (and who he is in the same reading / writing / maths groups with) have gone into the year 1/2 mix.

I am concerned that he will be held back because consequently at least half his class this september will have behaviour problems and / or SEN. Although I'm not really concerned about the SEN more that 15 or so children will have behaviour problems and be disruptive. The better behaved more able children are in the 1/2 mix. I suspect ds is probably slightly above average in ability but his behaviour is excellent. He is easily capable of sitting and listening and following instructions and is apparently very self motivated.

He has found the behaviour of a lot of his classmates this year difficult and next year it looks like it will be worse because the calmer children will have gone and there will also be children from the other class who have behaviour problems.
I'm also concerned that the gap between those in the 1/2 class and those in the year 1 class will get wider. I appreciate the less mature year 2s will be in there but they will still be further on than the less mature year 1s.

The following year ds will hopefully then go into the main year 2 class but the year after that when he is year 3 he will presumably be in the year 3 class whilst again the brighter ones go into a 3/4 mix.

I don't know what to do. There is a specific reason that ds's closest friend can't go into the year 1/2 class which I don't want to share on here and part of me wonders if they've just kept them together. They are quite reliant on each other. Otoh maybe ds isn't as able and mature as I think he is and I'm just being biased because I'm his mother. I cannot understand though why the children he is grouped with have gone into the mixed class and he hasn't.

Because this pattern will continue throughout the school and the school is poor in general (only 50% meet the end of ks2 targets, they are in the bottom for everything) I'm considering moving him. Or should I just see how it goes? I feel so torn. The class is very boy heavy too as there are only 11 girls out of 45 and 6 of them are emotionally mature so are in the 1/2 mix leaving only 5 in a class of 3. I'm not wild about this either.

OP posts:
Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:12

And I don't want it to read as though I don't want my son with children who have additional needs.
That isn't it at all.

It's more when such a high percentage will have additional needs and because ds is well behaved and just plugs away - will he get overlooked?

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Parietal · 25/06/2014 11:13

do you have options for other schools? if it has taken time to settle here, it may take time to settle elsewhere, and a move is very disruptive.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:13

5 girls in a class of 30 that should read.

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Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:14

We do have one other option, it's a better school but is 4 miles away.

He settled straight away in the classroom and has never been upset about going. It was more that he found it hard to find a friendship group.

He doesn't want to roughhouse with the boys but the girls have mainly banded together, particularly with there being so few of them.

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MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:15

How do you know so much about the children with SEN and behavioral issues? Confused I only know of one child in DDs class with SEN because her Mum told me...nobody else should be party to this information.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 25/06/2014 11:16

I think I would research moving him. Mixing the classes up sounds disruptive as it is.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:16

I'm quite friendly with some of the parents.
Also you can't miss some of it to be honest.

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MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:17

I didn't mean that to sound as curt as it did...I mean that it's unusual for a parent to know this information.

It's a funny time reception for friendships...theyr'e very much still finding themselves and I know a few little boys who don;t enjoy rough play...they found reception a bit tough too.

They do tend to settle. If you think DS has social difficulty then I'd speak to his teacher personally and ask what they're doing to help him.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:17

The behaviour I mean, not the SEN.

I only know about the SEN because parents have told me, as I said I don't really care about the SEN. It's really the behaviour.

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Hakluyt · 25/06/2014 11:18

Have you talked to the school about this?

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:18

Though I do agree that mixed age classes aren't ideal. It can knock the confidence of the younger children when they see older DC doing more advanced work etc.

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:18

At Ds age, he will settle quickly if you move him but be aware that you should choose VERY carefully as you don't want to be in this situation again.

Londonladybird · 25/06/2014 11:18

Hi
I'm not too sure how well that system will work - I've not experienced that. However if your gut feeling is to move him and there is a school he can go to then go for it! He is young enough that it won't be too disruptive for him, and there does seem to be a few kids that move in and out of schools at this age. You know him best and it seems like he's a child that will do well wherever he is. Good luck!

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:19

It's not so much that ds has social difficulty - he has a lot of friends out of school. It's more that his choice of friends is limited because he doesn't want to play stabbing people / biting people / squashing insects which is what a number of the other children play.

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Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:21

Haven't spoken to the school.
I am a teacher myself, have taught early years. That's how I know that ds is slightly above average for where he is now.

I don't want to speak to the school and be one of those parents. On one hand I think "presumably they know best" and on the other "they're a really low achieving school so perhaps they don't!"

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MerryMarigold · 25/06/2014 11:23

Hmmm it doesn't sound like a good plan separating the 'top'/ 'easy' kids out of the class. How does this divided class work next year? Do they stay in the same class and become Y2/ Y3 or do they get separated and put with next year's 'mature' Y1's? I would demand to see the SAT results of the mixed classes as I assume they are doing a lot better which is not fair on any of the children.

You could ask if he can go into the Y1/ Y2 class and leave friend, but that would be hard.

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:23

Are you sure that in a class of 45 they ALL want to stab/bite/squash?

I know it's not nice when our children don't settle socially...or with ease...but they're so young and social issues can affect the best and the brightest...can you perhaps go on a playdate offensive and invite a few of the nicer boys for tea...one a week?

basgetti · 25/06/2014 11:24

Is it not just more likely that they have put him in this group because he is one of the younger ones? My DS' school split year groups aswell, he is year 1 and half are with reception and half with year 2. They divide by age, so as DS is one of the youngest (not 6 til July) he is with reception.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 25/06/2014 11:24

Based on all the info you have given, if he was my DS then yes I would move him now so that he has a chance to settle at a new school whilst he is still in the younger years.

It doesn't sound like an ideal situation at all.

MerryMarigold · 25/06/2014 11:25

I don't want to speak to the school and be one of those parents.

But you are considering removing him and travelling 8 miles daily! Come on, woman. You need to address this and then make an informed decision for what will be a sacrifice on your part and your ds's (moving schools) but possibly one which has a better long term outcome.

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:27

As a teacher you should know that speaking to school is a must at times. I have to say your comment fills me with foreboding! I speak to school when there are issues...do teachers think of me as "one of those parents"?

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:27

No, but in general most of the boys want to play much rougher than ds. I am also the only parent (apart from Ds's friend) who has not been in to school repeatedly over their child's behaviour.

But this was an example conversation from two parents this morning:

Mother 1: yeah I got fuckin' called in again cos he'd hit someone. I said he hit him first.
Mother 2: yeah, if they don't want them to tell tales they've got to just let them hit each other.
Mother 1: I kicked off, I said Im not having him being fucking victimised because he's hit someone back, I said yeah, you hit them back. They said he'd hit someone with a stick. I said yeah well you shouldn't have sticks on the playground.

I'm not even joking. I know I sound like a snob but honestly, is it any wonder that the kids can't behave.

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MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 11:28

Ah. Can you move? 8 miles is a long way.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:29

They used to divide ks 1 by age, but this year it's emotional maturity. Which in this case means the best behaved most able kids.

I reckon that ds was either on the cusp or he's been left with his friend. Ik glad that he's with his friend but do feel his friendship choices will be further limited in the class next year.

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Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:29

It's 4 miles to the school so 8 mile round trip. It takes about ten minutes or so, quite a clear run.

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