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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move my ds out of his current school?

100 replies

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 11:10

Stick with me, I may go on a bit!

Ds is currently in reception, he's just 5 so one of the younger ones.
In his class there are 23 children, quite a few have SEN and several have behaviour problems. He has struggled to make friends, there are only a few girls and they want to play together and the boys play too rough for ds. He now has one close friend and about five other friends who are mainly girls.

Across reception there are 45 children so not enough for two classes when they go up to ks1. What the school do is is have one year one class, a mixed 1/2 class and a year 2 class with 30 in each.

Apparently this year they are looking at the children's emotional maturity and putting the emotionally mature year 1s in with the less mature year 2s.
Ds has been put in the year 1 class with his closest friend but the other children he likes (and who he is in the same reading / writing / maths groups with) have gone into the year 1/2 mix.

I am concerned that he will be held back because consequently at least half his class this september will have behaviour problems and / or SEN. Although I'm not really concerned about the SEN more that 15 or so children will have behaviour problems and be disruptive. The better behaved more able children are in the 1/2 mix. I suspect ds is probably slightly above average in ability but his behaviour is excellent. He is easily capable of sitting and listening and following instructions and is apparently very self motivated.

He has found the behaviour of a lot of his classmates this year difficult and next year it looks like it will be worse because the calmer children will have gone and there will also be children from the other class who have behaviour problems.
I'm also concerned that the gap between those in the 1/2 class and those in the year 1 class will get wider. I appreciate the less mature year 2s will be in there but they will still be further on than the less mature year 1s.

The following year ds will hopefully then go into the main year 2 class but the year after that when he is year 3 he will presumably be in the year 3 class whilst again the brighter ones go into a 3/4 mix.

I don't know what to do. There is a specific reason that ds's closest friend can't go into the year 1/2 class which I don't want to share on here and part of me wonders if they've just kept them together. They are quite reliant on each other. Otoh maybe ds isn't as able and mature as I think he is and I'm just being biased because I'm his mother. I cannot understand though why the children he is grouped with have gone into the mixed class and he hasn't.

Because this pattern will continue throughout the school and the school is poor in general (only 50% meet the end of ks2 targets, they are in the bottom for everything) I'm considering moving him. Or should I just see how it goes? I feel so torn. The class is very boy heavy too as there are only 11 girls out of 45 and 6 of them are emotionally mature so are in the 1/2 mix leaving only 5 in a class of 3. I'm not wild about this either.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 13:28

Yes ring up and say you want it...if you've been and visited already that is. I've been where you are OP....had to move DD1 in year two and it's so stressful but you sound like you know what you're doing it for.

Call them now and ask if DS can come for a visit before term ends...that's what we did and we were then able to talk about it properly over the holidays....he'll know where he's going then.

Iswallowedawatermelon · 25/06/2014 13:29

I would accept the place immediately as well. I think there is a very good chance other parents would be looking at moving as well.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 13:30

To be fair the school have a million behaviour strategies (I get letters about them) so many that sometimes I think they should pick one and run with it!

Ofsted said the kids were passive and despondent and that behaviour was bad where they weren't being challenged.

The school is fighting against the tide of a load of parents that back their kids to the hilt and never side with the school. If I'd been called in because ds had hit someone with a stick id have been horrified - not blamed the school for having sticks on the playground!

OP posts:
twentyten · 25/06/2014 13:34

Move your dc!!! For things to change it will take years- and then the intake will change. Do not feel bad about it.
it's about culture and expectation. What would you tell a friend to do? They get one shot at this.....

tenderbuttons · 25/06/2014 13:41

We had that difficult class too - not quite as challenging as yours but even the school admitted that the quantities of SEN/behavioural problems was well above average. We stuck it out until the start of Yr2 and then moved, and we have not regretted it for one single moment.

In these kind of cases, even the best teachers can only do so much with a class of 30 and not enough funding.

So yes, go for that place straight away and then see them on Friday.

Iswallowedawatermelon · 25/06/2014 13:46

I would also be concerned about the teacher resigning or being off on stress leave and the class having a series of replacement teachers! That class sounds very difficult for a teacher and the special measures would be an additional pressure.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 14:01

True, lucky ds's teacher this year has stayed but the other reception class has got through three teachers and a host of supplies!

OP posts:
Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 14:11

Right.
I've accepted the place.

I feel better and worse in equal measures! But I kept thinking if I don't...and if goes...we will be stuck and that definitely seemed like a bad idea.

I just really really hope ds isn't unhappy. It's so hard to know what to do. I'm sure the teaching and resources will be better though, it's just the moving to the unknown!

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/06/2014 14:15

If you're pretty sure you'll want the place I think you should apply for it now. Might be worth clarifying with school how this is done as it varies by area.

Dontmakemecometovegas · 25/06/2014 14:17

It's done.
Just rang and they are posting me the form that ds's school has to sign but she said the place was ours.

Please please please let it be the right thing.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/06/2014 14:18

X-post there. I'm glad you've accepted it. If I were you I'd also call the closer school and get put on the waiting list. This is a good time of year for places to come up.

I really hope you love the school on Friday :)

tenderbuttons · 25/06/2014 14:22

It's hard - but do remember, the friendship aspect of school really isn't working out for him now, and is going to be far worse next term. So you're giving him a much better chance by doing this.

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 14:34

There you go. Flowers Cake don't worry...it sounds like you've done the right thing and as someone else said you won't be the only one sniffing about other schools!

Best get in there first!

I'm glad you've made the move to change things. By the sound of it your DS will be in a much better place with...sad to say...nicer parents.

starlight1234 · 25/06/2014 14:42

Do you know everyone I have ever spoke to who decided to move their child school has never regretted it ( though some may not say)

I Know when My DS was in year 1 , two new children joined the class. They were very popular and seemed to be exciting to meet new child..a very good age to move if you are going to.

HortenMarket · 25/06/2014 14:55

Well done OP. It will be fine. Your son will make new friends and forget about his old school before long. It is worth it. xx

twentyten · 25/06/2014 16:03

Well done!! WineWine

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/06/2014 17:22

That's a good point. My DD's class got 2 new people at the start of year 1. They had almost celebrity status and now, almost a year in, are both happy and popular :)

MrsWinnibago · 25/06/2014 17:25

Starlight that;'s a good point. Parents don't generally decided to move for no reason and it's usually the right choice.

Whatisaweekend · 25/06/2014 17:39

Well done - honestly think you have done absolutely the right thing. Perhaps you could ask the school for some contacts and arrange some play dates leading up to the Sept start date? That way, when you walk through the new school gates next year you can say "ooh look, there's Tom/Dick/Harry. You had such fun when you played together. Shall we walk in with him?"

Timeisawastin · 25/06/2014 18:36

I've been working as a supply TA for a few months in a school that sounds just like your sons. I wouldn't send a child of mine there, despite the fact that the majority of the staff are really nice people and have some excellent teaching practices. Unfortunately you need a really strong management team to counter the poor behaviour and take on the poor parents and if a school doesn't have that, then everyone feels it. Well done for making a difficult decision, I don't think you'll regret it.

arkestra · 25/06/2014 21:55

Given what you've said about the school I would have done exactly the same as you.

Good luck.

Hogwash · 25/06/2014 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starlight1234 · 26/06/2014 07:48

What has DH thought of your move?

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 26/06/2014 14:23

Good one you. Current school sounds horrific!

Sneezecakesmum · 27/06/2014 09:23

You've done the right thing. Children are very adaptable and he will adjust quickly. Far better this than a dreadful mess in a year or so.

Tbh I wouldn't have gone down this route in the first place. DGS is the only child in his class with a recognisable sen (he has cerebral palsy but no behavioural issues) so to have such a high proportion would be awful and the parents behaviour would be such a turn off. DGS s school is classed as outstanding and he has loved it there and is also a very popular child. To want this for your child is completely normal.

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