Dear DH - when you decided to...

[ChocolateBiscuitCake]

help by loading the dishwasher last night (which is a pretty rare feat), did you mean to offload the leftover greek salad into the machine as well rather than turn 90 degrees and put it in the bin? Because I have spent all day clearing onion and cucumber out of the pipework and only now 6 washes later is it working.

This is what I would like to say to him in RL, but given that we have bickered all weekend, I think he might not be amused.

AIBU or should I be grateful that the intent was to be helpful (lighthearted)?

Anyone else have a seemingly helpful husband?

I can't drill .I wobble. I get by though. It's not hard to call in a favour to get a pal to put up a curtain rail. I think they would be a bit if I asked them to pop around 3 times a day and scrape my plates.

It's not hard to call in a favour to get a pal to put up a curtain rail.

That's because you're a girl. You're getting the same head pat that women give men for messing up the dishwasher (poor womenz can't do a drill). If a guy asked another man to come by and put up a curtain rod, he'd be laughed at and if they did do it, he wouldn't hear the end of it.

Even if it was a woman that came by for you, men still can't ask other men to do their own basic home repairs.

Even if it was a woman that came by for you, men still can't ask other men to do their own basic home repairs

Bollocks. DP and his mates help each other out all the time. I've done plastering and tiling at my male neighbours house. He asked me because he knew I could do it and he can't.

The point is, the daily grind of housework gets dumped on women and men pretend they don't have to do it because they wield a drill every 18 months.

My eyes have nearly rolled out of my head at "work in progress" op. That is so a. patronising and b. Depressing that I don't know where to start! Is he a Labrador that needs training? Or a fully functioning adult human?

Don't be depressed on my count! I always forget in these forums how literally some people take these threads and what wasn't written was that he had in fact surprised me with steak for dinner, cooked it, made the salad etc, etc. So I can confirm that he is more competent than a labrador!

He is in a high pressure job of 12+ hours a day, so yes, I cut him some slack. Which is why I posted my frustration on here rather than in RL as onion in the dishwasher in relation to his working week suddenly seems rather petty...

I also work in a high pressure job (running my own business) and regularly work 60 hours a week. Often more. I also, surprise surprise, manage to produce meals for us all and, if I do something stupid like he did, I sort it out myself.

It's not an excuse to do crap like that. Sorry. It wouldn't be hs slack that'd be cut in this house! Cooking me a steak and making a salad shouldn't be a cause for celebration.

So compared to what most working parents do I remain distinctly unimpressed.

But I bet if your DH or kids turned round and said, "this dinner doesn't taste nice, it was bland" you would blow your top?

Nobody is perfect, but you pick your battles. I am not abstaining DH from responsibility (or stupidity) but seriously, criticism is not well received by anybody when the intention was to be thoughtful.

And actually, DH rarely cooks, so actually in this house it is cause for celebration - he took 2 of our 3 young boys to the butcher, went to buy wood chips to make the BBQ smoky (didn't actually notice any difference!) and made a (chunky) salad! I am touched - your poor DH if you show no gratitude!

This is why I prefer my hubby stick to the tools and I stick to the housework. It just works.

I always find it slightly amusing that people jump to the assumption on threads like these that the OH/DH can't do something "because he is a man". It's rarely said in an OP, but it's always assumed.

Do you know what? I'm a woman and I can't cook for toffee. DP would definitely consider me a "work in progress" on the cooking front (or more increasingly a simple "lost cause"). I consider him a "work in progress" on changing sheets; he always gets the duvet screwed up. We are both a "work in progress" when it comes to DIY, decorating and gardening.

He does the cooking because he is the one at home when it is time to make the dinner. I clean the bathroom because I am the one who bathes DC in the evenings and can do it then.

How about, some people do certain tasks around the house, some people do others? How about some people aren't taught by their parents how to cook a 3 course meal, dry-stone wall and make new curtains by hand?

How about we're all just adults who don't all do every single job around the house because different ones fit into our different schedule? How about we're all learning to do everything and, surprise surprise, don't always do everything perfectly every time? How about we all occasionally do completely stupid things like put food in the dishwasher, or too much oil down the sink, or forget to change the hoover head so we do wooden floors with a flat head?

No, no. Let's just assume "he man, he can't cook, woman runs after him"...

Sometimes the responses to threads like these make far more assumptions and are far more telling than the original post.

Please don't feel sorry for my DH since I don't have a DH. I am a lone parent.

I do have a long-term boyfriend who is kind and helpful all the time. For which I show gratitude. I do the same for him. He also co-parents his kids 50:50 with his ex wife, despite having a stressful job and long commute.

The difference is he does stuff all the time. Your DH rarely cooks. So you are grateful for the morsels. My bf cooks 50% of the time we are together. I enjoy and savour every bite I eat because he's a much better cook than me and always thank him - as I would anyone who cooked me a meal. I don't see it as a special treat though. Just something that any adult would and should so regularly when they are part of a couple / family.

I said earlier in the thread Thurlow that nobody has dissed him because he's a man that can't carry out a simple task. But because he's an adult that can't (or won't) carry out a simple task.

I think Thurlow sums it up perfectly!

Wherever the division of labour lies (I think your 50/50 split of everything is not true to most couples! DH is only at home 2 days a week!), sometimes being polite and thankful (because the intention was well meant) is a lot nicer than to be ungrateful and moany. I would like his time at home to be happy and relaxed because I erm…love him! He contributes in so many other ways, but clearly dishwasher loading is not a forte!

Grateful to the dh for going to the butcher with two dc. And cooking a meal? Really?

Gosh my H is right, some women would think he is the knees bees.

Bee's knees

How about we're all learning to do everything and, surprise surprise, don't always do everything perfectly every time?

Shh... Everyone on here is perfect, and never makes mistakes. Their husbands should be able to match their perfection.

Personally, I wouldn't get too upset if my DH made a stupid mistake like that because I'm not miserable enough to read too deeply into every mistake as a deliberate passive aggressive poke at me. It's probably why we're still happily together after 8 years. :)

Yes, I think it's the task, isn't it?

Some adults aren't good at cooking, diy, gardening.

But loading a dishwasher, changing sheets?

These are things that kids do, aren't they?

Grateful to the dh for going to the butcher with two dc. And cooking a meal? Really?

My DH cooks every night. Every single night. You know what I do? I thank him for cooking, because I appreciate the effort that goes into it. He thanks me for doing the laundry.

I don't see why you can't appreciate your DP helping out and contributing their half.

Spot on, diddl. Some things require a bit more practice and skill, loading a dishwasher is not one of them.

I don't expect my husband to fold the fitted sheets because I've practised to get it right and frankly it matters more toe than to him that they're nicely folded. If he tried to suggest that he didn't know how to put them on the bed he'd get the same reaction as he got the other week when he asked me to put the washing on because he didn't know how to use the new washing machine.

my husband once did roast pork. he took off the crackling and couldn't think where to put it. so he put it in a saucepan of cold water. pfffffffttttttttttttttttttttt.

cooking is a daily thing, since most people eat regularly. but putting together furniture isn't a daily thing, and i'd gladly work out how to do it, but cooking's a non-negotiable with me. at the weekend it's not up to me to cook every bloody meal.

I thank my husband when he cooks. He thanks me.

Neither of us cooking is either a surprise, worthy of particular comment or a cause for celebration, though.

It is not about A mistake, it is about an attitude (of coursewe don't know the op relation to her dh) but from the way it was worded it felt a bit "men hey, they are so cute and useless". In which case it is about gender though.

To put petrol in a diesel car is as a mistake. (Dh did it to my car)
To put a pink sock in a white load is a mistake too. (Both did it)
To put a greek salad is a mistake too. (Your dh did it)
To put salt in the tea is a mistake.

To laught them off as mistakes is perfectly fine. Not for the reasons you state.

knees bees

That's brilliant, I'm going to use that one!

I just counted, and realised we'd managed 12 years on neither of us being passive-aggressive arses in the first place.

Of course I thank my H. I thank him for making me a cup of tea. I thank him for most things as I would thank anyone else.

I am not going to be grateful as if he's done a hero's job though. He has gone to the butcher with two of his three children.