To use a walking stick despite XHs opinion?

[Brittapieandchips]

I have some kind of pelvis issue - started as SPD when I was pregnant with 4yo DD2 and still comes back - I have low levels of pain every day, but at certain points (particularly around my period) it gets really bad. The last physio I had was shocked that I manage to dance as a hobby (only when it's not bad - it hurts but it's manageable and worth it) and was annoyed on my behalf that it has gone on so long with a gap of years between the immediately post natal physio and the help I've had this year. She could feel all the jams and uneven bits and so on, did some stuff that relieved it but it keeps just doing it again in different areas - the pain could come anywhere in my pelvis, back or even knees.

One of the reasons I didn't push for help was that XH kept telling me that I was making a fuss over nothing and that everybody over 25 is constantly in pain. I pretty much limped all the time for the first two years but still worked for a while doing heavy lifting, did most of the child care etc. I have a disability bus pass for an unrelated issue and he mocked me and called me lazy for using it.

Sometimes I would be walking along holding on to fence posts for support - I could tell you now the route with the best sturdy walls and fences from the bus shop to my house at the time. I could feel my pelvis grinding.

I mentioned when dd was 3 that I was hardly limping any more, and he said 'oh, was that real? I thought you were just making a fuss!'

It doesn't look like it is going away any time soon, and I've just had a particularly bad flare up. So I finally got a walking stick and it really helped. It's caused me a lot of emotional turmoil - feels like I'm giving up at 29 to being an old lady - but it has also been brilliant to be able to manage better. I've also finally got some decent painkillers.

Anyway, XH has managed to upset me with one word. I went round to drop some stuff off for the kids and he looked me up and down, looked at the stick and said '...seriously?' in a mocking tone, as if I was doing something really stupid and weird.

Just topped it off. I'm in pain, I'm facing up to it never getting better and worried people will be weird about the stick and he's still getting to me.

Really angry, and sad, and humiliated.

And sometimes he goes looking for me online, so if he is reading this... You got what you wanted, you upset me again. Well done.

YANBU. He sounds an arse, to put it mildly.

If it hurts, it hurts. I really hope the physio helps you.

Get a second stick. Shove it up his arse.

Seriously, what fucking business of his is it? If it helps, good for you.

Oh god op he's a massive arse don't you dare give his comments a moments thought!!!

Do whatever you need to make life easier and less painful for yourself!

FFs what an arse. There's a reason he's your ex ;)

If you are in pain then your body has something wrong with it that needs sorting.

You should view a walking stick in the same way as your painkillers - i.e. As something that aids your recovery/enables you to carry on.

Do you value your ex's opinions on things? Do his thoughts on issues influence your own? No? I didn't think so. So please don't let his pathetic attempts to belittle and upset you work.

Remind yourself that he is your ex, a knobhead and a twat. Smile sweetly and say "Seriously? Yes indeed"

He's your ex for a reason, I presume. He can sod off. He sounds a thoroughly unpleasant person, and an abelist arse to boot.

Use whatever you need to to get around.

I'd have hit him with the stick .
What a twat.

He sounds awful- put it in the bank of 'that's why my ex, you tosser'

I'd use it more if it annoys him

Of course YANBU if you are in pain.

Shove your walking stick handle first up his jacksey.

What a wanker.

There was a link a while back for a lady that made 'glam' sticks, brightly coloured ones and sparkly ones. You won't want yours back once a&e have removed it from cock faces rectum.

You need what you need to get you through the day. His shitty attitude is his problem and you don't need to prove a thing to him.

What a twat. I think you have to minimise your reaction. He's saying these things to upset you so just laugh and ask him when he got his medical qualifications

Shove your walking stick handle first up his jacksey.

What a wanker.

There was a link a while back for a lady that made 'glam' sticks, brightly coloured ones and sparkly ones. You won't want yours back once a&e have removed it from cock faces rectum.

You need what you need to get you through the day. His shitty attitude is his problem and you don't need to prove a thing to him.

Well, if he is reading this; fuck off you twat!

He is X for a reason and I guess this is one of them.

A loving partner would have encouraged you to get the help you needed. When my DH was hobbling in pain I encouraged him to get a stick. In fact I went into the shop and bought it for him. Nobody has ever been weird about DH using a stick.

Okay I will admit that I told DH that if he ever prodded me with the stick that I would take it off him and beat him to death with it! But I felt that was probably reasonable!

He is your X. His opinion doesnt matter.

Walking sticks seem to be cool at the moment - seriously!! Splash out and buy a stylish one. If you need it, you need it; shouldn't be more embarrassing than wearing spectacles.

(I am loving all the "shove it up his arse" comments. It seems that MNers are as one mind on your ex, OP, and that is that you are well rid of him, and don't pay him any mind now.)

You bother too much about what he thinks.

Everyone over 25 is in constant pain??!!

Is he?

He's a dick.

He's also your EX and what you choose to do is no business of his. I'm glad he is your ex, nobody deserves such little compassion or support.

Don't let him continue to knock you down.

Next time he puts a you upset me comment tell him it didn't cross your mind as you don't think of him and furthermore, what he thinks or feels is completely inconsequential to your life. You are above it and have moved on and are much MUCH happier.

He's my ex due to him being an emotionally abusive self obsessed drunken angry little man who seems to be making a habit of relationships with vulnerable women.

Sigh.

I actually got shocked when I had a virus recently and new DP didn't actually blame me in any way and looked after me. I kept waiting for the catch.

PS, X I hope you're reading this: you clearly have a tiny willy.

He is a cunt. Pure and simple. YADNBU. I have joint issues and think I'll need a stick in the next few years (I also have hobbies that I continue doing despite the pain because I can still do them and it's worth it for now!) and I think I'll get exactly the same reaction from my family, who react very much in the same way as your ex did about your pain.

Fuck em all. It's none of his business, and if it makes your life easier, then do it. Living in pain 24/7 is not fun. Low level pain is fucking tiring. If somebody has not experienced it they are not fit to judge, and all you'll get from those who have is empathy. The best advice I've been given is to do whatever makes it easier for you to deal with.

Ignore anybody who feels fit to judge, which is easy to say but not easy to do, every time I visit family I'm on eggshells trying not to mention pain or wince or anything.

Everybody over 25 is in constant pain?

Did he really say that? Such bullshit. He is a spiteful bastard isn't he. I am so pleased for you that he is now your ex.

Not sure if it's relevant, but his XW before me uses a wheelchair. He thinks he is mega cool and liberal for having been with her.

He was, of course, a twat to her too. He even told me stories of how she was so unreasonable if he nipped out for milk and he ran into friends and went to the pub, and didn't answer his phone. The woman relied on him for help going to the toilet, of course she was annoyed!

He said "Everybody over 25 is constantly in pain?" What bullshit. I'm 43 and in no pain whatsoever. He sounds like a prize knob. You need to stop listening to his opinions and get all the help you can. Thank God he is your ex. That "Seriously??" "Really??" thing that people do is getting so boring too.

Not only should you keep using the walking stick, next time he cycles past, from behind the cover of a handy bush, throw it as hard as you can between the spokes of his front wheel...

He's ten years older than me, so he was using his superior life experience, I think :-/

Saying that, new DP is 14 years older and the only time it becomes an issue is when we talk about what cartoons we watched as children, so maybe I'm not as naive, immature and whiny as XH liked to make out...