To use a walking stick despite XHs opinion?

[Brittapieandchips]

I have some kind of pelvis issue - started as SPD when I was pregnant with 4yo DD2 and still comes back - I have low levels of pain every day, but at certain points (particularly around my period) it gets really bad. The last physio I had was shocked that I manage to dance as a hobby (only when it's not bad - it hurts but it's manageable and worth it) and was annoyed on my behalf that it has gone on so long with a gap of years between the immediately post natal physio and the help I've had this year. She could feel all the jams and uneven bits and so on, did some stuff that relieved it but it keeps just doing it again in different areas - the pain could come anywhere in my pelvis, back or even knees.

One of the reasons I didn't push for help was that XH kept telling me that I was making a fuss over nothing and that everybody over 25 is constantly in pain. I pretty much limped all the time for the first two years but still worked for a while doing heavy lifting, did most of the child care etc. I have a disability bus pass for an unrelated issue and he mocked me and called me lazy for using it.

Sometimes I would be walking along holding on to fence posts for support - I could tell you now the route with the best sturdy walls and fences from the bus shop to my house at the time. I could feel my pelvis grinding.

I mentioned when dd was 3 that I was hardly limping any more, and he said 'oh, was that real? I thought you were just making a fuss!'

It doesn't look like it is going away any time soon, and I've just had a particularly bad flare up. So I finally got a walking stick and it really helped. It's caused me a lot of emotional turmoil - feels like I'm giving up at 29 to being an old lady - but it has also been brilliant to be able to manage better. I've also finally got some decent painkillers.

Anyway, XH has managed to upset me with one word. I went round to drop some stuff off for the kids and he looked me up and down, looked at the stick and said '...seriously?' in a mocking tone, as if I was doing something really stupid and weird.

Just topped it off. I'm in pain, I'm facing up to it never getting better and worried people will be weird about the stick and he's still getting to me.

Really angry, and sad, and humiliated.

And sometimes he goes looking for me online, so if he is reading this... You got what you wanted, you upset me again. Well done.

Oh God, how hurtful

Do what you need to do to make things easier. It's bit giving up it's managing pain levels.

Personally I would have replied with a sharp 'fuck off '

NOT, not bit

I'd have been tempted to bash him in the shins with it (not that I condone violence, or anything).

He's your ex for good reason.

Congratulations on getting rid of such a shit.

I may have missed it but have you had blood tests to rule out an inflammatory condition?

Have you seen an Osteopath? acupuncturist?

Don't accept the pain yet.

Sorry your XH is a dick!

Yeah, I had blood tests a while back cos I get a bit of pain in other joints too, but they basically shrugged their shoulders. One if the meds I take has joint pain as a side effect, but the physiology said that wouldn't explain the pelvic painas she could feel actual jams and misaligned bits and so on. The last two physios have actually pushed and pulled at me (grabbing hold on my bum bone, pushing into my crotch, pulling my leg - it's quite alarming really) and it has helped.

Well my first thought was walking stick....Bianca Jagger! She'd give him what for with his "Seriously?" So would the woman on the Vogue cover. Also have a look at this page. Love the idea of a retro stick to going dancing!

He's a massive arsehole.

I've used a stick on/off since I was about 18. Seriously.

I definitely wouldn't resign yourself to this pain/discomfort. I went through several physios before I found a good one who could make a difference to my condition. I think word of mouth is often the way to go.

That is why he is your ex horrible cruel man I second another stick for his arse, chronic pain is exhausting I sympathise

Women with unexplained joint pain isnt that rare there is posts here about it especially around their period,

"Oh XH, this stick is everything you're not: Quiet, supportive, and able to maintain an erection."

I would reccomend an oestopath or chiropractor over physios, you usually need moved back into place.

I had severe spd an two trips to an oestopath was all it took to get put back into place. I thibk physio is good then to help to strengthen your pelvis, improve your gait etc.

No one can tell you how you feel. If you are in pain you are in pain.

I would do my best to limit my contact with him. He sounds like a complete and utter arse and you are well rid.

I hope you manage to get some help with the pain/walking problems.

He is a first class abusive twat (& I rarely use that term for anyone) & you need to grow a backbone & tell him where to get off

I mean that in the sense that sadly you will never be able to change his behaviour/attitude, but you CAN change how you react to it & therefore take back the power from him & belittle the self absorbed abusive little worm -

I feel really angry & sad for you - nit least because I understand your problems too well & know that ill health & disability brings out the worst in some people - you certainly find out who your friends are that's for sure - but you end up surrounded only by the people who are actually worth having in your life anyway -

this man is an arse - ignore, ignore,ignore - I'd be rolling my eyes at anything he does & just laugh sarcastically "really hahahaha, good to see you've changed, you always were such a sensitive caring soul, that's why you are my EX!' & just shake your head giggling & walk off if you can -

do not give this arse a drip of power over you anymore - you are way better than he is, that's why he looks for your cracks to dig at & hurt you, because he actually doesn't line himself very much at all & deep down knows that - sad little worm that he is

Next thing - don't just accept this status quo medically, I know it's not always easy, trust me I do, but you need a correct diagnosis, one which might even get you done help, at very least one that good people will take seriously & most of all YOU will take it seriously & be more empowered in the face of tosses like this ex of yours - sadly they exist everywhere

I may be wrong, but something jumped out at me - have you heard of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome ?? My good friend had the same problem as you - after years of similar disbelief & battling to pretend - this is what she has just been diagnosed with - I also have it as foes my daughter - we have the Hypermobility type

Good luck - chin up - he's an arse, don't waste previous energy on such a waste of space

Ugh, autocorrect gone mad - hope that makes sense xx

Why do people keep saying I need to go somewhere to get stuff moved back into place? The physio does that, doesn't she, when she's pushing and pulling at my bones? She feels what my pelvis is doing, makes me do various movements while she's feeling it, then shoves the heel if her hand into my crotch fur a count of six, or pushes my leg or pulls in my ankle or whatever - she has to take breaks cos it's hard work (also apparently I have weirdly strong legs so when she does things I have to push back as hard as I can she has to proper brace herself)

It can be uncomfortable but I can feel the difference in the joints straightaway, the bones meet up differently when I press them and I have more movement.

Now I'm without physio for three months things are just going to jam up more and more :-(

Lol @ dutchie

I think I've looked at that syndrome, and at lupus and arthritis before, and there was a major thing I didn't fit, but I forget what...

My mums theory is that it's connected to fibroids but I think that's bollocks - they wouldn't give me joint pain.

Britta, you have to do what you need to do to ease the pain. I also had SPD and sciatica in pregnancy, am having Physio and am having hideous flare ups of pain. My husband nearly called an ambulance two weeks ago - back to the docs Friday!
Out of curiosity what painkillers have helped you? I've got codeine phosphate, I'm not sure it cures the pain but stops me caring!!
Will check this thread with interest to see what things may help you further.
And the ex is an utter arse. How a man can mock a woman whose body is in agony after bearing a child is completely beyond me. You may have pelvis pain but it sounds like you've lost a massive pain in the arse

I was using mefanamic acid - it was prescribed for period pain but I found it helped with the pelvic pain, along with the odd coedine and lots of hot baths and gritted teeth - I was 'putting up' with quite a lot really (one if the physios said I must be hard, lol, which was nice to hear after XH telling me I was a wimp)

I developed a reaction to it, though (no wonder really, I was taking double the prescribed dose during flare ups) and got awful stomach problems whenever I took it, so now it's coedine (30mg four times daily, although I try to take it as little as I can so generally only twice a day, as I like to be able to poo every now and again, lol) and paracetamol.

I tried the mini pill (can't do the combined due to other meds) and didn't have a huge flare up in that time but it definitely was still there and I still had bad days.

Sounds really bad put that way :-/

My mum is rather alarmed at it all, anyway.

I should add, I have other health issues too (fibroids, bipolar and awful teeth being the main ones) so it kinda gets lost in my priorities sometimes. I do find that dancing helps, weirdly, although it's done on slippy floors so all the swivelly stuff doesn't have any resistance, if that makes sense.

When I have 'mild' bad spells I find kind of thumping my hips and pressing on my pelvis helps, as well as hooking my foot under a step and kind of pulling. Sometimes really vigorous sex helps, sometimes it makes it worse, it's a bit of a gamble...

Sitting on a hard chair sometimes thumps things back in place, too, and sometimes lifting something heavy, but again that's a big gamble and is fairly agonising if it goes wrong.

I am so angry on your behalf. I would love to sit down and have a little chat with this man.

Please, please don't let him get to you. He is vile.

I am in a similar position in that I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I need to rely on a stick more and it is such a visible symbol of infirmity that it is quite a psychological leap. But it is much easier to go longer distances with it when I am tired.

I am sorry he has upset you but you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about - but he does.

I should add, I have other health issues too (fibroids, bipolar and awful teeth being the main ones) so it kinda gets lost in my priorities sometimes. I do find that dancing helps, weirdly, although it's done on slippy floors so all the swivelly stuff doesn't have any resistance, if that makes sense

These things are all linked to EDSH - as is exercise helping as it strengthens the muscles - compensating for the slack connective tissue, therefore reducing balance problems, exhaustion et

also the physio pushing things back into place & it moving out again is something I've been through with chiropractic & osteo - again down to slack connective tissue meaning it can't stay put

Might be worth asking your physio about - if they know the condition, they can often be the first port of call, though if they don't, they can hamper things

Good luvk

Hmm, I am always tired, although I put that down to my energy drink habit, and my lack of balance and co ordination is legendary...