To use a walking stick despite XHs opinion?

[Brittapieandchips]

I have some kind of pelvis issue - started as SPD when I was pregnant with 4yo DD2 and still comes back - I have low levels of pain every day, but at certain points (particularly around my period) it gets really bad. The last physio I had was shocked that I manage to dance as a hobby (only when it's not bad - it hurts but it's manageable and worth it) and was annoyed on my behalf that it has gone on so long with a gap of years between the immediately post natal physio and the help I've had this year. She could feel all the jams and uneven bits and so on, did some stuff that relieved it but it keeps just doing it again in different areas - the pain could come anywhere in my pelvis, back or even knees.

One of the reasons I didn't push for help was that XH kept telling me that I was making a fuss over nothing and that everybody over 25 is constantly in pain. I pretty much limped all the time for the first two years but still worked for a while doing heavy lifting, did most of the child care etc. I have a disability bus pass for an unrelated issue and he mocked me and called me lazy for using it.

Sometimes I would be walking along holding on to fence posts for support - I could tell you now the route with the best sturdy walls and fences from the bus shop to my house at the time. I could feel my pelvis grinding.

I mentioned when dd was 3 that I was hardly limping any more, and he said 'oh, was that real? I thought you were just making a fuss!'

It doesn't look like it is going away any time soon, and I've just had a particularly bad flare up. So I finally got a walking stick and it really helped. It's caused me a lot of emotional turmoil - feels like I'm giving up at 29 to being an old lady - but it has also been brilliant to be able to manage better. I've also finally got some decent painkillers.

Anyway, XH has managed to upset me with one word. I went round to drop some stuff off for the kids and he looked me up and down, looked at the stick and said '...seriously?' in a mocking tone, as if I was doing something really stupid and weird.

Just topped it off. I'm in pain, I'm facing up to it never getting better and worried people will be weird about the stick and he's still getting to me.

Really angry, and sad, and humiliated.

And sometimes he goes looking for me online, so if he is reading this... You got what you wanted, you upset me again. Well done.

YANBU!

Have you visited an osteopath or chiropractor for your pelvic problems? I see a chiropractor on a monthly basis for mine (I have a tilted pelvis and it 'catches' on the nerve and leaves my whole leg numb) and the difference is phenomenal - she has taken me from being virtually bed bound some days to walking freely and without pain.

I started off seeing her weekly, then after 4 weeks dropped it to fortnightly for 2 visits and now monthly. Hoping to be able to get to every other month soon.

It works out £30 for half hour session (I am west mids) and has been worth every penny. I had referred back ache and headaches from it, all been sorted.

Cannot recommend it higher. Chiropractors manipulate bones and deep tissue so can tackle problems in a way that a physio can't. I had tried physio for the same thing and had no luck.

Have a look here if you want to find one local to you.

Good luck, being in pain all the time is horrible

Your ex is an ex for a reason. Hang on to that memory and don't let anything he says or does get to you.

I just wanted to post quickly to let you know I too had SPD with my last pregnancy (ended up on crutches) and it carried on well after the pregnancy ended - for years, just like you. I had good days and bad days. On bad days, like you, I couldn't walk without support. Sex was quite awkward too as I couldn't open my legs very wide, or keep them apart

But - and this is what I wanted to say to you - I have recently noticed that I haven't felt pain in my pelvic area for some time now. I can't remember when the SPD was last a significant problem. My youngest is 11, so it took some years, but I do think I have undergone significant improvement of late. I just wanted you to know that even longterm post pregnancy SPD can get better eventually.

I'm 31 and using a stick, I just got a really snazzy coloured blue and gold pretty one and now I get compliments about it and how nice it is! An old lady in a shop said that I would look a lot more silly if I fell over than I do with it. If it helps me, I use it, it sounds to me as if he is just annoyed that you are doing something for yourself. Keep your stick I say!

'Everyone over 25 is in constant pain' is one of the most absurd things I've ever read. 54 here, and still pain free.
Your ex is an idiot OP. Just forget about him and take care of yourself.

I would be wary about using a stick as it might encourage you to change your gait and no longer use certain muscles. Have you tried to find out what is causing the problems? Physios and chiropracters, etc are only guessing at what they are treating without an MRI scan or X rays.

'Everyone over 25 is in constant pain'.

'No, XH, they only feel like it when they're around you'.

Sweet smile. Job done.

That said, do take this seriously as chelsy has a point. My mum had problems for years - since her teens really - and they were harder to sort out in the end because she'd spent so long walking on something at an angle.

100% agreement on here! He is all the names he has been called. Take no notice of him and concentrate on getting better treatment.

As everyone else has said, he's a twat, he's your x for a reason, and you are well shot of him.

Yeah, I have a titled pelvis, one leg longer than the other and possibly a slightly twisted spine, too, as well as loads of stiffness and fairly regular horrible sprains.

Plus I have issues with my periods that are under investigation and a long term mental illness.

I should probably be sold for scrap :-D

I don't see why his opinion is important. Use a stick. I'm lucky, I have a double buggy I use as a walking frame on bad days. (I have a dodgy ankle and plantiir facitus (something I can't even spell and pronounce)).
I use a stick first thing to get me round the house til the medications kick in.
I do second the idea to buy a 2nd one and ram it up his bum. Don't forget to tell him its normal to feel pain!

Once whilst a young man at boarding school a new student started and called my grandpa a cripple for using a walking stick. So my old fashioned, rather posh, gentleman of a Grandpa beat him up with it.

I suggest you take a leaf from his book.

Cuppa, I like the sound of your Grandpa.

OP, he's a twat. Just be glad you got rid and ignore his stupid comments.

Unfortunately, if we still have to meet and speak to our Exes, they still see us as their wives and treat us as they used toaccordingly.

I've been divorced for 20 years now (yes 20 years) and, with my dear late husband (2) no longer with me, my Ex has begun to treat me as he used to. I've learned to have the upper hand now though so he usually 'limps' away mentally beaten.

You have to see your Ex because of the children so I suggest that you either ignore his comments or come out with a cutting comment as long as your children are not within earshot. He will not stop hurting you because he probably knows that you care about what he says.

I do think that once you are 'old enough' actually childbirth/pregnancy you have pain constantly. It has been my case.

I still think you need to get another stick and put him up his arse.

Keep going to physio, hopefully you will get better.

It is not normal for anyone whatever their age to be in constant pain. Pain suggests something is wrong.
Take no notice of him at all and seek further medical investigations.

Isn't it nice when someone completely confirms your impression of them. You thought he was an abusive twat and you were right.

Tell him that you no longer have discomfort in your posterior since you split with him which just goes to show what a pain in the arse he was.

cuppasarah really? You're advocating physical violence? I think the op would be in trouble if she took your advice.

He's a cunt.

Not sure if you've had medical advice re: the stick and if not, you really should. Using it incorrectly or at the wrong height can cause you more pain.

I have a 30-something friend who uses a stick and has had horrible comments from colleagues. I had been watching 'House' and I asked if she ever wanted to trip people up acccidentally-on-purpose and she said all the time. YADNBU.

Another one here to recommend seeking out a chiropractor. It gave me my life back for less than the cost of a holiday. Alternatively check out "Katie says" and Alignment Matters for excellent advice on exercises and stretching which I am certain could help as well.

I'm on a three month waiting list for physio, so I'll just have to use the stick in the mean time at least.

Sticks are fab! I have a thumbstick and wouldn't be without it, I love it. Mind you, I've also just got a second hand mobility scooter which is amazing! I can go at normal walking pace and actually race dd!! It's tremendous fun. I don't use either of them all the time, but I definitely need em atm, and wish I'd capitulated years ago. The freedom - not just from pain, but from the exhaustion of walking despite the pain and so on.

Can't recommend these sort of aids highly enough.

Mind you, I am now 56, but before I got the stick I was walking more slowly than my mum who was over 80 and not too fit herself by then. If I had known when I was 30 what a difference it would make I'd have jumped at the acooter, but instead I wasted over 25 years......

And it's his business because . . . do tell.

Then tell him to fuck off.