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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is bordering on neglect

81 replies

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 22:58

So we have 3dc. 9, 7 and 20 months. Dh is not exactly hands on with them anyway but two issues occurred today.

Dh got some tools out of the cupboard and dropped a screwdriver on the floor. Fortunately I saw before 20 months dd could get it.

I went out for an hour to pick dd1 up from brownie camp. I returned to find dh upstairs. Ds in study on pc and dd in playroom with door shut. She can't open door and it's a hot conservatory. Ds apparently shut the door on her as she was annoying him.
So I challenged dh who claimed he had only been upstairs for a few minutes. The look of ds face said otherwise.
Aibu to find it hard to trust him with dc again. He has history for neglecting to change nappies etc too but he always seems to have an answer. Ie didn't want to wake her etc.

OP posts:

Sillylass79 · 22/06/2014 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantanaLopez · 22/06/2014 23:03

The screwdriver could easily have been a mistake, we've all done it.

I wouldn't be happy about the playroom.

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:03

I just don't know. Serious conversation needed for starters.

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Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:04

He later asked me where the screwdriver was that fell on floor so he knew sadly.

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Mouthfulofquiz · 22/06/2014 23:05

I think you need to have a proper talk with him about exactly what you are worried about and why. Not changing nappies is just lazy and neglectful. If you don't sort it now, you won't be able to go anywhere alone again until the children are much much older!

Sillylass79 · 22/06/2014 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allthingspossible · 22/06/2014 23:06

Not ok at all. What are you going to do now? You need to be clear to him where the anomalies lie in how you both manage your children.

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:06

Tbf it was ds who shut door but dh should have been watching both of them.

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deakymom · 22/06/2014 23:06

so far today my GH has left a screwdriver out and also his squash baby was dipping the screwdriver in the squash and licking it off let him take a very large pair of scissors from by his dads hand and he made spip noises by his hair DH has also shouted at me for yelling at him because he had his headphones in and i had to repeat what i said three times in exasperation i turned to my 5yr old and said come on how many times was mommy asking daddy before she raised her voice more than once was the reply (then he ran off thinking he was in trouble )

he is just having a careless asshole day is your DH normally like this?

PersonOfInterest · 22/06/2014 23:06

I'd ignore the screwdriver.

Are you saying he deliberately locked a child in a hot conservatory because she was annoying him?

That's really worrying. Not even sure what I'd do about that long term. But short term I'd teach the dd how to get out of the conservatory.

SantanaLopez · 22/06/2014 23:11

Not noticing is very different to actively shutting the door.

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:11

7 year old did. He does have wome history forcleaving things lying around. It has improved abit but he still leaves empty glasses on coffe table ane empty tablet wrappers.

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ICanHearYou · 22/06/2014 23:13

No it is not bordering on neglect. The 7 year old Should know better.

Work as a team

katese11 · 22/06/2014 23:17

Oh okay, the 7yo was annoyed by the toddler and shut her in the playroom? It's him I'd be annoyed at tbh. Your dh should have been supervising, yes but your 7yo should know not to shut his little sister into places! My 5yo gets annoyed with the 2yo but he wouldn't shut her in somewhere. ..

Icimoi · 22/06/2014 23:18

Is your playroom in a conservatory? Why?

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:22

That is the problem. When we are both home we seem to have forgotten how to work as a team. I get dd dressed. Dh comments that ds with some sen had soiled this am but instead to helping to clean him up he disappears upstairs with some tool or other. Not to do diy but to open a lego set.

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PrincessBabyCat · 22/06/2014 23:23

Depends on what his normal track record is like. DH and sometimes me forgets diapers at night sometimes because he just thinks "Feed baby. Go back to sleep". But it's not a regular occurrence and it's not because he doesn't care.

The 7 year old should not be shutting a toddler in a room. That said, it's a playroom can you just take the door off until toddler is older to avoid this problem in the future?

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:24

I did have words with 7 year old. Don't think he appreciated she couldn't open door. Think it was more delaying tactics. I think I was just annoyed because if I had been home I would have been downstairs with them.

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Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:24

And could have nipped it in the bud.

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steppemum · 22/06/2014 23:24

from what you have posted I don't see neglect.

It's a screwdriver, not a knife. I don't see it as a major problem. You picked it up. Was he going to? Did you beat him to it, or was he going to leave it?

The conservatory is obviously dangerous, but he didn't do it, ds did.

My kids do stuff to each other. At times we don't realise straight away. So this could be that.

They are not brilliant, but not neglect

PersonOfInterest · 22/06/2014 23:26

Is your playroom in a conservatory? Why?

Well presumably because this is the free space. And how nice that you have a separate playroom. Does it matter?

Changelenom · 22/06/2014 23:26

This sort of thing winds me up too. The women in my family (inc inlaws) supervise their children the men just sit around staring at their iphones or ipads and insist we're too controlling and should relax more.

They also leave nappies/ feeding children etc until they have sorted themselves out/eaten etc.

PrincessBabyCat · 22/06/2014 23:26

Dh comments that ds with some sen had soiled this am but instead to helping to clean him up he disappears upstairs with some tool or other. Not to do diy but to open a lego set.

Does DH have a mental disorder? No ragging on him, I have adhd and dyscalculia and that sounds very familiar. He might need clear instruction on what to do next if you need help. Obviously what he's suppose to do doesn't come naturally.

Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:27

Tbh it more of of a toy storage room. Toddler toys are generally in the lounge.

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Original poster

oxfordcomma75 · 22/06/2014 23:29

He dropped it at about 9am this morning. He came looking for it at about 3pm.

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