Don't want to give someone a lift every week

[500smiles]

I know I'm being unreasonable but I have got myself into an awkward situation where it is assumed I will give someone a lift every week.

One week there was a new woman at DS' martial arts who was stressing as she got the end time wrong and had told her boyfriend a different time to pick up, (she's 19yo and doesn't drive). I asked her where she lived and she mentioned an estate about 3 miles away from us, so I said "Well if you can't get hold of him in time I don't mind dropping you back"

Went back to pick the lads up and the woman came up smiling and got in the car with us. I drove the three miles past our village and dropped her back and then went home and thought no more of it.

DS wasn't there the following week, but the next week she walked out with DS and his mate and got in the car - she didn't say anything to me as she was mid conversation with DS so I assumed that she had asked him and he had said I wouldn't mind. By the time we had dropped her off I'd completely forgotten about it until the same thing happened the next week. Anyway DS said he hadn't asked her, he'd assumed she had asked me.

I don't mind helping out every once in a while but at 9pm I don't want to add another 15 minutes / 6 miles on to my journey past going past the end of my road.

So she hasn't actually asked for a lift, I offered once assuming it was a one-off, but how do I put a stop to it? I don't even know her name or have a number to text her...

Just tell her next week... I didn't mean I would give you a lift every week, hunny. Just maybe if your bf couldn't make it.... lie a little, drive off in the opposite direction, go supermarket shopping / to Grandmas etc.

She is probably very, very grateful for the offer and didn't quite get it - or an utterly outrageous liberty taker who deserves to be embarrassed and abandoned in the car park!

Next time she walks out say you're not giving her a lift and you hope she's made arrangements.

Cheeky mare!

Walk next week? I can't believe she just got in your car!

Next time she gets in, tell her, 'There must have been a misunderstanding. This isn't a permanent arrangement. I can't do pick ups weekly.'

Well, I guess you'll have to take a deep breath next week and say ' this will be the last time I can give you a lift home, it's actually out of my way and I never intended it to be every week. You'll sort out a lift home with your boyfriend from now on, right?'

I really hate this kind of behaviour and actions like this put us non car drivers in a bad light. I would be honest with her, tell her you don't mind giving the one off emergency lift, but cannot do this regularly. Extremely cheeky of her to assume and that would get my back up!

i agree with Nomama, most likely a simple mistake, just tell her you are not available any more as you will be going elsewhere after the class regularly now.

Why be so polite nomama this woman just sounds like she's assumed without asking OP.

That's v rude. It's not as she doesn't have a DP to pick her up now is it?!

You could make up a reason you can't do it any more? Give her the lift next time but say "Sorry, I won't be able to drop you off after this week as my daughter and her friend need picking up afterwards."

Just say as soon as you see her each week that you cannot give her a lift this week. She can ring her dp to tell him or order a taxi.

Keep it up until she stops assuming. Tell your ds you can't do it so he doesn't say yes if she approaches him.

But why does OP have to make an excuse what she's doing?! This young woman should have her own transport sorted.

I agree walkacross you just have to be direct

Next time just say "I can't give you a lift tonight, I need to get back home" I don't have a car and it's really difficult getting to certain places sometimes but I just have to suck it up and get a taxi. It's not fair of her to impose herself on you like that.

No need to lie or invent excuses. She is the one being rude, not you.

the next week you just say 'sorry, can't give you a lift this time. Good night.'

Absolutely not your problem.

Fill your back seat with bin bags and stuff and then she can't just get in. Then tell her you have other things to do after picking your son up and she needs to sort something else out.

Lock the passenger door so she can't get in.

Superflyhigh... I am just not a rude person by nature, but your response a) ignores the last part of mine b) suggests you would be rude, which is unnecessary, OP can get rid of her hitchhiker without being a bitch.

Yanbu
Just tell her your plans have changed and you give her a lift anymore

I read your whole post nomama I got it!

Did not ignore but someone climbing uninvited into my car and expecting a lift would give me the rage and no reason why I should be nice or make up an excuse! This woman needs to find some manners.

Given that she has assumed (wrongly I know) and lives at least 3 miles away from the activity (a good hour's walk) I would prefer to keep the moral high ground and give her 'notice', for the sake of one more 6 mile round trip (15-20 mins in car?) . Be braced for sob story 'boyfriends car off road etc etc' - you really can't help her, & if she can't sort out transport she can't do the activity.

Cheeky mare! Bet she hasn't offered you anything for petrol either.

Agree with others saying have something in the back seat and when she approaches say, sorry, it's not convenient to be a regular thing.

The op doesn't have to make up an excuse superfly. No one has said that, but it is one option.

She's 19 and has a dc old enough to be at a class till 9 pm? Totally off topic of me!

I agree - you need to tell her (maybe giving a week 'notice' rather than 'can't take you tonight')

Yeah, I'd give her a week's notice. No excuses, either. Just this is not a permanent arrangement.