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Original poster

Don't want to give someone a lift every week

111 replies

500smiles · 22/06/2014 12:51

I know I'm being unreasonable but I have got myself into an awkward situation where it is assumed I will give someone a lift every week.

One week there was a new woman at DS' martial arts who was stressing as she got the end time wrong and had told her boyfriend a different time to pick up, (she's 19yo and doesn't drive). I asked her where she lived and she mentioned an estate about 3 miles away from us, so I said "Well if you can't get hold of him in time I don't mind dropping you back"

Went back to pick the lads up and the woman came up smiling and got in the car with us. I drove the three miles past our village and dropped her back and then went home and thought no more of it.

DS wasn't there the following week, but the next week she walked out with DS and his mate and got in the car - she didn't say anything to me as she was mid conversation with DS so I assumed that she had asked him and he had said I wouldn't mind. By the time we had dropped her off I'd completely forgotten about it until the same thing happened the next week. Anyway DS said he hadn't asked her, he'd assumed she had asked me.

I don't mind helping out every once in a while but at 9pm I don't want to add another 15 minutes / 6 miles on to my journey past going past the end of my road.

So she hasn't actually asked for a lift, I offered once assuming it was a one-off, but how do I put a stop to it? I don't even know her name or have a number to text her...

OP posts:
Original poster
500smiles · 22/06/2014 22:47

rollon - DS is 15, he has ASD so he doesn't think anything of it and frankly its the kind of thing I can fully imagine him doing! He and his friend aren't friends with her, they've only known her a few weeks through this activity and being 15 year old boys they just go a bit doe eyed over her as she is very pretty.

Noodle - I don't think she is still in "parent taxi mode" as she moved out of home at 16, she has a child so is quite grown up - toddler is with her ex the night she goes so it's not like her bf is at home looking after the baby and can't come out to get her.

truffle - I think the plan was for her bf to drive her but it seems to have fallen to me to do it by accident.

As I said before I would never leave anyone stranded, I just feel very awkward about the situation, I don't want to appear mean, and I don't want to embarrass her, I just don't want to spend my time and money on her. Actually it's not even about the money, I wouldn't want to take petrol money off a young woman with a baby, that would feel really tight.

You're all right, I just need to explain to her that I won't be doing it any more.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 22/06/2014 22:56

You need to make it clear a week in advance that there will be no lift the following week. You can't leave her with no means of getting home no matter how cheeky she has been.

expatinscotland · 22/06/2014 22:59

Yeah, just be straight. No excuses or apologies and since you don't have means of contacting her before the event, just tell her on the day.

She can get a taxi. Or the bf can collect her.

It's not your fault, you don't want to do it, you are not stranding her or being rude.

You just clear the air and be straight that from this time she needs to make other arrangements.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 22/06/2014 23:01

Hi X - Just to let you know that from next week I won't be able to give you a lift, I have to be back at home as soon as possible for family stuff. Hope you can go back to your bf picking you up'

sleepsforwimps2010 · 22/06/2014 23:16

I'm a wimp so would lie a little, I'd just say as your dropping her off ' I have to collect my daughter from guides now too, so won't have room in the car for you after tonight.'
that way your not sounding mean and she's not embarrassed,

wafflyversatile · 22/06/2014 23:18

Just to let you know that from next week I won't be able to give you a lift STOP.

If she says oh but how shall we get home say 'by whatever method you planned before you got a lift from me'. Why can't you. 'I have other commitments' firmly. Don't give her bargaining space as then you will end up looking silly as she comes up with answers to your excuses and you have to make up more excuses.

It could well be a misunderstanding and I try not to assume people are out to take the piss but for some reason on this one I think it was a deliberate ploy. I base this on nothing but a feeling in my water.

wafflyversatile · 22/06/2014 23:22

Actually I've changed my mind. Maybe do make an excuse, but make sure it is watertight. Having to pick up DD from now on and not having room is a good one. For the sake of oiling the wheels of social niceties.

PrincessBabyCat · 23/06/2014 01:26

I think it's just a bad combination of being 19 and assuming that you're not actually going out of the way. There's been times that I bummed rides from people because they said that my place was on the way to theirs, when in actuality it wasn't. So she probably just doesn't understand the inconvenience or see what the big deal is.

Yeah, I'd give her a warning that next week you're not doing it anymore. If it was a misunderstanding she won't be bothered by it.

hellskitty · 23/06/2014 08:57

She's 19 and naïve and probably been used to her parents ferrying about.I'd make an excuse.
why can't she cycle?

flowery · 23/06/2014 09:03

I think if you say "from" next week I won't be able to give you a lift it sounds like you did intend a regular arrangement but have changed your mind.

Why not just "there seems to have been a bit of a misunderstanding, when I offered you a lift the first week it was because you had told your boyfriend the wrong time and I didn't want to see you stranded, it's not something I can do on a regular basis. I'll drop you home tonight but if you could make sure you've made arrangements from next week that would be great."

flowery · 23/06/2014 09:04

Just realised I put "from next week" in my suggestion, doh! Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 23/06/2014 11:59

hells - she can't be that naive as she moved out at 16, has a child and a boyfriend who's probably also sick of being used for lifts (or not!).

If you want to have a hobby, in the evening in my opinion, then you sort out your own lift.

I, myself did get a lift at 18/19 when doing an aerobics class but this was from the instructor and we lived in same road and she offered this lift to me every week!

Lweji · 23/06/2014 12:08

I also wonder if that was an accident the first time, or just her way of getting a free ride.

You shouldn't feel bad for telling her no.

Original poster
500smiles · 24/06/2014 22:00

Just to update this...

Ok so I girded my loins to be all brave and then fate threw in a curved ball and my friend's car broke down so I had to do both the girls and the boys tonight.

I sent DS and his friend a text to say I would be a bit late and went off to fetch the girls.

When I got there I remembered about this girl, but she was nowhere to be seen, so I felt pretty relieved that at least she hadn't got stranded and said "Good job mysterious girl wasn't there tonight or there wouldn't have been room for her"...

Except turns out that she was there, I didn't realise that she goes with her sister, but doesn't get a lift home from her because her sister charges her petrol money, but she went with her today when she heard that she would have had to wait 15 mins...

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 24/06/2014 22:03

Ha!! So what will you do next week?

Nomama · 24/06/2014 22:07

Ah, so my option 2 was right..... she is indeed an utterly outrageous liberty taker who deserves to be embarrassed and abandoned in the car park!

Wave as you drive past her, doors securely locked, next week.

expatinscotland · 24/06/2014 22:18

Yep, pisstaker. I'd contact the instructor to see if he/she has any way of contacting this girl to let her know the free rides are over.

Nomama · 24/06/2014 22:21

It would be so simple to be a teeny bit more aware next week...

... wait until her sister drives off THEN tell her you won't be driving her home! Drive off thumb to nose, na na na na na!

OK, I know you won't, but you'll want to Smile

eddielizzard · 24/06/2014 22:22

omfg!! cheeky or what!

SauvignonBlanche · 24/06/2014 22:23

What a cheek! Shock

Lweji · 24/06/2014 22:24

but doesn't get a lift home from her because her sister charges her petrol money
there you go.
Start charging her for petrol if you don't want to tell her no. But I'd just say no, as it's out of your way.

marjolaine · 24/06/2014 22:29

ShockShock

Well now you don't have to feel guilty next week when you put her straight!

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 24/06/2014 22:39

Woah!

Aeroflotgirl · 24/06/2014 23:16

Wow what a pisstaker! Definitely no rides, when she starts to get in your car, no I am sorry this is not a regular thing, I only gave you a lift when the end time was wrong, sorry. Or if your feeling chicken, no I have other commitments after club, sorry!

rollonthesummer · 25/06/2014 07:33

How did you find out about her sister/petrol charges?

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